Disconnected temporarily
Write off the identity
Just to forget
Just to select, another option.

Love from afar
Eyes and heart ajar
Deep breath swallowed
Hold it during the changes.

Texts and missed calls
Do not disturb
Just let a soul rest
In this duvet nest.

Evolve momentarily
Fatigue deep and clinging
Sigh a decision
Continue the mission.

Fill the void
Moving pictures and noise
Distractions are a curse
But life could be worse.

Hold my hand
Hold it tight
Even if I twist and stir
Through the night.

I should be alright.

Question my intent
Not what I meant
I should've said
What wasn't in my head.

I think I'm alright.

Distance myself
For no reason
Ball into uncomfort
Maybe from envy.

I'm not alright.

Silly boy
Making jokes
Making faces
Making them laugh at your expense.

Now look at you...

Overly sensitive
Overly attached
Easily broken
Ridiculously outspoken.

Lost in a dream
Self made scenarios
Killing yourself
With laughter.

You launched to a height
And plateaued
Unhappy with what you have
Unhappy with who you are.

Do them a favour
And shut up
Do them a favour
Just leave.

Silly man child
Dressed up like a clown
Fill a room with your tears
And drown.

In my stomach, something churns
I feel it, wanting to evolve
A pressure, a nerve
A pain I need to resolve.
Something amiss
As I half clench a fist
And I wish
For this angst to cease and dismiss.

I try to keep it to myself
But I can't keep a secret
I feel I must be patient
And it will go away.
Just forget
The sleepless nights
Just forget
The petty fights.

Just apologise
Just look in her eyes
Just give her the space
She never wanted before.
Sit with your demons
Feed them their poison
Let them consume you
Allow their embrace.

She said "it's just weird"
So, I listened and switched off
All notifications
As she deserves her freedom.
Perhaps I don't understand
Perhaps she couldn't explain
Perhaps I have to find a middle ground
Where we can reunite again.

Give it time.

They work differently than we
Their indifference bores me.

I'm on my own,
All the time.

What have I done?

I don't get replies
She's too busy
And when she replies
She doesn't get it...

I feel this way.

I didn't think this would be the way
It would be
When I said
I do.

No fine print to read
These kids, so fukn clingy
Tough as a pensioners ****
They're **** all.

Got myself loose
On my own
Cos she was working
Cos that's her poison.

She'd rather do extras
And assist her crew
Than help us evolve
Me and her and them.

I watch her, and I don't know why
But I have a degree of mistrust
Maybe it's her, maybe it's them
Maybe it's me.

Heavy hate in my heart
Sleep will be difficult
But, I will try
On an empty mattress.

I predict she'll never read this.

We found eachother when we were 10
She became my sweetest friend
I always moved house and so did she
Then we moved again and again

We lost touch, she became a memory
Fading away to the back of my mind
I was in mining, she was a carer
But really, I knew nothing of her.

She made a family, as did I
Children to tend to, money to make
Living our lives, doing our thing
Separate worlds, never to entwine.

Then, things went to ****
In her world and mine.

I soon turned 40, I was online
A message recieved, it was her
To say Happy Birthday
And wish me all the best.

I couldn't resist.

I replied, with joy, excitement and humour
I couldn't believe I was conversing with her
Sentences spilled onto my phone
Back and forth, day in, day out.

Weeks passed this way, until the day
We decided to meet once again
Already awe struck, intent was assured
Coals, turned embers turned raging inferno.

A repoir like no other I have ever felt
Soon became an addiction
I had to be with her, she was all I wanted
And she felt the same, she felt the same.

So, she moved from what she knew
Her children close behind
To the middle of nowhere, just for me
I was in mining, she was a carer.

We married, hopelessly in love
Our families accepted our bond
3 years later, I can't wait to see her
Everyday, after work.

Coffee and conversation
Good mornings and endless affection
Support and admiration
I was in mining, now she's in mining.

Any alteration to scenarios before we met
Could have changed the result
But, life has a way, as does love
Any other life would be an insult.

Happiness is a choice
And I choose her
Every day, for the rest of my life
I choose my wife.