(1) Take good care of your legs.
(2) Always control your own bank account.
(3) Dress up like you go into a doctor's office
(She married a doctor by the way).

You will for always
swim out there
in the back
of my vivacity
Come to think
you are the life I had
Have now a life
I'll never known
The one we kept
in our thirties
was too free
for your olderies
What's new is old -
what's always anyway
New was your friends
telling you
I'm not your one
too independent
too travelling, you said
Old is you buying
your friends
I'm not that one
too generous
too pleasing, I'd say
What I mean is,
I trusted you and
shouted too,
I mean you
didn't want to
see me so simply
respect me
Your sense of to higher be
Left out often turns  
into turning around
A stormy sun
Insanely pretty
Come to think
you were the life I had
Have the biggest love
for you always
Here's an any way for you
Did you ever love me?
Was it all worth to you?
She got him into three rooms
one kid good job life
Hair more curly yet
You have asked about me
Cannot meet me in the street
Come to think,
I'd say yes
You'll never forget me
neither, my face lighting up
before, I see you and she -
they will make us love
always anyways.

We are in very dangerous territory
they say when compromising on
Brexit and possible -who knows-
other exits deals they call it
compromising our lives, the price
of food and transport
the safety of refugees and people
on streets. The hunger, the heartbreak,
the fear to make decisions.

She makes 'em up as she goes
Watching from her window
See the old lady and smile
to her sad eyes
She always smiles back, you know
it's her only contact that day.
The neighbours on the other end have
their boxes packed and moved but not all
Yeah it's tough indeed to separate.
An open suitcase left next to our building
Mens clothes all over and
MacBook cables thrown aside
I think robbery The cleaner thinks
a Latin lady threw her man out.
A good day it was. I'm fine, thank you.

Fifty and
so much
My dad
The Mac
Hyde Park
Oz and Cali
UK and Spain
Upstate downtown
There you go
There you are

I saw an albatross
and felt just happy
I saw a big vessel
and felt like crying
Woe and joy alternating
just like that

Post-Summer, still sunny
There's too many humans here, 
he said
entering the pub, drunk withal
loudly talking about his kids 
and whatnot
quite that many humans on his own
The girl next seems unfussed, 
continues with
laptop and Guinness. Me, I
just popped in for a little
wine actually 
or rather to use the lav 
making the most of it as one does
trying to calm my mind as
I do
The food looks so lovely but
I don't allow me a little pick-me-
up I
wonder about the outsides,
forget about my new Didion,
always easily
distracted, by his cologne
and more and more plates, 
smells lovely
To be able enjoy the moment
the paper feels beautiful 
and I 
really tried on too many clothes 
today yet the sea helped 
a lot 
Tempted to couch and binge never-endingly
first one needs to get going 
alright yah
Tempted for another glass still 
first one needs to keep

the head from spinning
the fridge from empty
the shopping from a 
yellow sticker hunt

The world's full of useless 
purposeful days, come to think
of it.

Always wanted to be nice
to be bright, nifty too
To write a thesis on bilingualism
To invite friends, cook richly

Always wanted to be on time
openminded, sunny too
To write a full-hearted poem
To clean the house, properly

Always clothes to match
to be on time, patient too
To easy come easy go
To find myself, fully unfeeling

Now
Bring me home.

There is no time
It's like in a play where
the wet streets and architecture
the soles there
career and zoom 
But I -

Nothing but time
Or like in a fairytale when
the leavery and gray rain
the fields there
rustle and unwind
Yet I - 

keep walking here 
being part of - but at a 
distance, playing there
I like it like that
And then I
leave.

A shawl wrapped around
not necessarily beauty or fashion
but more as way of protection
an umbrella when no rain
a coat when no cold
The safest accessory when no one
around.

to do the maths
or tell the tale
Growing up in harbour city
Brown flats greyer clouds
Behind every
my family
Dad x nan for character
Mum for books x music
Freedom to be me
Long legs in the evening sun
Playing with the shades
on the pavement
Looking for the likes
the place to float
the moment to run
be less conscious
thoughtful insecure
Looking at the sun
turn your face towards
to avoid the shade
Blue sea greyer skies
Not to compare
Still and all to love
Steel x ships on a river
My river.

is
to just start writing
and then
replace the I for she,
that's it.

travel light
light on your feet
feet following steps
steps down the river
a river that knows
knows how to move
to move and go
go travel

A road trip to the Keys
A surf course in Cantabria
A small countryside village
A cosy big city pub
And it never happened
It is so not true
in so many ways
whatever happens in films.

Ice cold rain dripping down
the bathroom floor, the chairs
on the balcony empty and
grey grey clouds over the ocean
impede her going out sides always
November means gray rain
and unrest, a coldness as a
distance from him, them,
the palm trees at least not waving
breaking the sky, into disarray her
thoughts will travel disquietly
unappreciated and loved
in the dark in an empty room
in the light surrounded by
happy goodbyes. Fall.

I liked life a lot
better when it held
more promises
places where you feel
appreciated
At least the leaves breeze
the wind sounds like the sea
I can still fleet anywise
never naturally happy
with silence and belonging

He said: "You drive like a bloke"
I said: "Thanks".
To boot: "Should this supposed to be
a compliment? At what point did I turn
and stayed in the 50s?

the only thing I want
is to swim in the sea
she said ardently
rain shine
cool or cold
with a wetsuit though
she says apologetically
her skin so soft
wet hair in a woollen band
and her husband looks
at her proudly bringing her coat
We get restless - it's the village
you know, but we travel
and I need one trip on my own
she adds but looks at him
heartily he says
I like to be just at home

I really felt pretty today
I was at the beach
And that was all
My skin needed today

The reason I feel that insecure when you
take my picture is that -
apart from you taking
forever and me
getting over-selfconscious -
my image is stored for always.

Pictures of me when two or
three years old reveal
a little white neck stuck out
and lips pouted into
a kiss to just distract
the photographer who
still couldn't resist
this act of sweetness
from this little girl
who is just so
afraid of a camera

The realisation that this violent red came up in me, that it had put itself out there, against my peaceful blue

hidden underneath my skin I thought, but once this/the disconnection came up, this unsafety, the red escaped 

and in an instant, alien became less distant, fluid in my daily countenance. How I've always assumed you

were the rock and I the water, how it turned out to be still and all. Me fully capable of standing my stones 

in the fluidity of waves, in this life of ebbs & flows. And even while I peak over the cliff edge, with the wind 

in my face, drawn into depth & distance - I know the cracks of then and the hills of now will become a passage,

a progress through the fragments I breathe, for the joy I feel. You went along to trust my inner world, while

you wouldn't anyway. So I decided to wend my place that provides me to dream up and survive nonetheless. 

Once your heart has jumped out of your body, the rivers & tides will smooth over. Structured daydreaming will bring

out the bright, fresh morning I need to scare off the ghosts of my lost night, a subverted realism to coast through a

clear consciousness over some guilt and uneasy vulnerableness. What's done, is done. True. Imagine that.

Does depend on the day
but the mention of his name
jolts her into a restless
alarmingish warmth
armour amour as such
Touching to note that
somehow every time - yes
so often she looks for him
on social sites or streets
where he is pictured
at a conference a corner
sauntering in that suit
Deadlocked in memories
hypnotised by appearance
between shore and ship
indeed, just like the shipping
forecast a warning predicts
the storm yet cannot foresee
the monotonous rhythm of
Hearts melting still breaking

It makes you wonder
Me at least
why people nag all the time
while the ocean rolls away
beside you and your
cool drink
I'm not an angel here
I don't get me wrong and still do
but still
picture it and float away

A safety fallen away
just when I turned 27
One so intrinsic - sometimes 
even without me kenning it
growing up in a funny family
full of people
close at a distance
The things I cannot do alone
unapparently while I am so
sweet with arms folded
even maybe wish to be
Travelling to fight not flight 
intuition a funny concept
because I do know I do 
feel
The city affords an input
you yourself cannot again
looking for it while living with 
so
that I can be mistaken 
wrong turns are human
in that one person
or more for the distance
in that closed circle is -
by whom actually?
Hold maintain 
Choose see explain
Value treasures take
A serious airiness airy solemnity
Choose was it - again?
I got ill
just when I turned 17
Complicated in words and body
Keep peace emotions 
outside sun
My sense of water is
the max unclouded 
intuition I own

a grey afternoon and just now
it starts to rain, big drops
in small pools on her terrace
looking outside - another
glass in her hand
the house gets dark
last light through the living
a house already silent
he's gone, big drops
on the roof beating a drum
beating her dead heart
she sits down, suddenly
dead-tired but too afraid to
lie on their bed, big drops
against those windowpanes
a year of loss
has started
a lifetime of love
has ended
a man has cut her landline
and she cannot believe
there will ever be
a rising of another sun
a blowing out the clouds
another good morning beautiful
another - looking outside
all the water in the world will
not free the lights in the lake
this is how she will remember
losing, forever

I'm so hungry...so I'm drinking coffee
I'm dreaming of California...so I'm flying to NYC
I'm so into him...so will avoid all texts and terraces

Wanting to stay yet not willing to go,
thus staying when needing to scoot

Inescapably too many questions and ideas
Irreversibly too many given facts of lives

When there's a queue one has
to wait, feel free to fill in the rest
brains and minds solved

with the Deborah Harry face
with tiger heels and a bright coat
who's born in the city
who's leaving her diet
that loves to dance in her room
that digs to read in a park
Bless all girls, bless all
I turned into a positive day
Nicer to look that way
Start counting...

to use ****** cream
on your legs.
to tell your friend
you cannot wear hers
for it is not fashionable.
to own that many drawers
that only new undergarments fit.
to discuss the world
over a beautiful dinner.
That's me.

As easy as
difficult can be.

Through the kitchen window to where the
lake ends and the trees touch her
lustrous sides, a rippleless motion
in the reeds waving at all the colours -
at me -
and the pines' crowns simply
add a powdery green to where
the water starts a black-blue dark
leaving such velvety shine -
to me.

Old love on the street
Coffee to *****
Small hints, decent stabs
Still this surging fire
Indifference on the surface
a warning underneath
of true impossibility
of an awful lack of faithfulness
where falseness lies but still
smiling, knowing where this
is leading to
that street hides no coincidence
neither this quiet cafe, the hotel
all ways and again
it is his chest
tearing to his shirt
again and always

he wears my favourite blue
and drinks his favourite beer
he is clapping along to that song
as always out of tune --- loud
and laughing because of sunny
as always. for ever. my dad.

A cool evening nightfall at 4pm

Little wind, willowy clouds 
slightly moving
waiting at the window

***** dishes, mugs everywhere
unpaid bills, pressing schedules
burdens concerns

Trapped in the house 
waiting for moments of moon
by the waterfront the docks

Tears like rain from the endless sky
Cracking a crown
An endless tide of constancy

Don't really care
for your car
Or the blue sail
on your boat
I just wish for one 
with a nice winter coat
dark navy blue sky
dark grey clouds eyes

Returning home after
a holiday and the house
smells of absence
smells of rain

Books stuck on their
shelves and my mugs
still hanging around
souvenirs of life

The carpet got a soft
lonely bounce. Sorry, I
read that somewhere
too nice to not use

Altogether where I left all
when I left and it feels I'll
never leave again
not straightening a shelf

The sun still on
my shoulder though - it's
more comforting to

pack up here
than on my way
to somewhere
past continuous

All in all it was not
the smartest thing to do
this expensive house
she thought while standing at the bridge
looking at it
but what to do when you're that age
and scarily in love
with a man who covers all ranges between
sweet and stone
adult life moves you
forward imperceptibly
why did she ever ignore her heart
her friends
and her father
saying remember to tell 'em you are not
steadfast but just self-willed.

Reading relevant literature
Watching film house films
AKA the accepted stuff
Not middle-of-road
Of course not
Giving you a certain mastery
Able to get ahead in life
Also because of her
following the actresses' moves
Gestures so delicate she almost believes
She is her
Leading the life
Even if that means forgetting
she is so
pretty her own legend
so smart
in her own universe
But fame and fortune might be more
interesting to display instead of
your own star your own histories
in that same universe

Even so

Putting on a lot of make up
Putting on a lot of layers
Going out does not always
brings out the best
Sitting top deck and heading into
town alone and
wondering if he would see her
and not just all she'd put on as a
gathering of all
she read memorised studied copied
considering her universe.

Sometimes a brightness
Towards the sea
When the sand shifts
Towards a pace

It's her there
It's them near
A current inside
Happyless drifts
Reflecting her face
Brushing her colours

Fear alone is a good thing

Every night he
breaks her heart
Every day she
commences
Be in life
Benumbed and receptive

Because

Why be afraid
when there are that
many invitations
She told him
Her favourite music
His place in her world

So

She knows him
She hates him
Seeing the scared part
in herself
Wishing the self-betrayal
in her past

A peace so desirable
A love so inexplicable
A safeness as freedom
A starfull night.

My uncle used to joke
about what I'd like for tea
fried or roasted mosquito's hearts
That and the Dali poster
The horses with the long legs
The frights of a little one
A sweet girl.

and there we were
the most precious place
crystalline blue waves
just so uplifting that you

quite closed out
all clothes off
dove in 

a low move
a mean road
to me

incompatible egos
sedulously obtained
at least you perfectly
go figure

about time
love means you
as a stranger

so I ended up
saying wait and see
to myself not you

Intuition going anticlockwise
quiet into warped existence
until well turned blue
to me

He wanted to build his dream
with her and she did too
His ideas her endeavour
His voice her wishes
And in the moment of warmth
and companionship and love
Her face towards his light
Her body in his arms
His world at her feet
She only knew she was going to
crush pulverise destroy
violently and very effortlessly.

The city flickers in the valley
while they sit on the hill 
where the Akrópolis
He sees the lights in her hair 
finds her really truly
captivated from that moment
onwards connected
She sees him in a different light
lays her tears in his hands
Too much beauty
fears too salty
She spills wine on her dress
He takes her back to the hotel
It is all alright and
It will be for a very long time.

Of all the things I could have
but I haven't
said
moored

taken for granted
soul
moves

Vying in any way

I was just caught up
in that racing mind
of mine

I was just caught up
in that double standard
of yours

Civilised in any way

An excellent double role
which didn't seem
entirely adequate

to me. In the end.

Silent and colder.

Remember going to
the pool and your hair
all damp and the smell
of the water?
Some things still unclear
cos the swimming teacher
made me do backstrokes
Don't like that
I'm perfectly fine
a butterfly in waves

To look at these two together
at the beer garden
table. She's dressed up, he in shorts,
the disappointment. She says I don't think
I'm going to eat. He orders pizza. She looks away.

can be friendly
all day
every day
if kindness has a definition
anyway

To see the rainbow
At the end of the street
It is just a room you know
But near you
We can go for a walk
Change perspective
Hold the world
And each other maybe

Or that he comes over
after two weeks
of civilised silence
to talk about their house - their
Pretty decent and nice
whilst running out
with their dog - their
a man of straw
as she did not splinter

No need to look back
when one with the world
but I cannot help
but I do understand
makes sense withal
trapped in my past by
half a moon and you
caught by a song  
and dad in the car
Californian times and cigarettes
happy childhood and lucky men
compare, compare,
consistency of thinkways
my conscience clear
all the same