I always leave the door open
the balcony my class room a fitting
room i don't know
to avoid claustration
an encirclement wherefore you feel
left out
no sounds no people no traffic no books
no songs no friends no barks no lights
I defer going to bed too.

I sip my tea
a glance at the newspaper
a glance at his hair
a glance at the river
Life is good
playing vinyl
playing grown up
with one's lover in
his large SW-house
no ties and no possessions
necessary to have it easy

the desert and the sun
the wind and the red earth
my two dogs and me
the best
Saturday and Sunday
forever and ever
don't change and
don't stay.

All in all it was not
the smartest thing to do
this expensive house
she thought while standing at the bridge
looking at it
but what to do when you're that age
and scarily in love
with a man who covers all ranges between
sweet and stone
adult life moves you
forward imperceptibly
why did she ever ignore her heart
her friends
and her father
saying remember to tell 'em you are not
steadfast but just self-willed.

spend a lot of money
on therapy
or a lot of time
on self-help new age battlefields
when you can write a poem and
shake it off?

I have never seen someone so patient
and biding to
hurt another person so badly
tracking down and retaliate
on the street in a meeting
anywhere to get back
anywhere to ridicule and belittle
you even told me once about your colleague
with such joy - assurance even
that I could not believe and
stopped to utter that you'd never change,
wouldn't you.
And even your little smile was full of pride.
And even the getting what he deserves
you believed.

For all the sweetness I
give and the caring I do can
you just for once
let me be mean x ugly?

Don't need songs that tell me
I need to take it easy
or that without us no cry
Please touch my uneasiness with the day
my melancholy and
my urge to jump
A room on fire or that
you belong to me
will suffice.

no time to take of his coat
to put away his briefcase or hat
she just sat there at the kitchen table and
looked with the saddest eyes
he unbottoned
got his gin
she threw her ring on the kitchen floor
looked at the plates and the stove
she hadn't cleaned
and all the years
fell down

nothing more than to feel secure
about herself, and free
to run to the water and not
feel her own body or
other eyes looking
moving away and into
the opposite of being noticed
what she does want too
walking past a terrace
her summer dress and long legs
hidden under the drape
warmth through the windows
tinkling through the open door
enough friendly people to
sit alongside too

is
to just start writing
and then
replace the I for she,
that's it.

In a sudden silly moment
of madness
she thought she should
be able to tell the truth to
the one she loves
Flat on the table
a loud bang, his cup
jumping up from its saucer  
rolling off away
He had no intention to go
though
and she was paralysed anyway
like she is and always will be
when someone's so so mad.

Maybe one day I catch
a flight to México to
see the Monarch butterflies
migrate and learn
how to wave through a storm.

My first words
My first sip of coffee
My first real kiss
My first real smoke
My first divorce
My first poem

A sheet on the milk
A long disquisition re Game of Thrones
and whether he has seen it
or not
Her ex-boy on the street
definitely not waving
And so, we all have something
to deal with
in our first world.

We all end up with
our own father
in the end.

Don't you trust me?
I should, shouldn't I...but I don't know how
anymore.
Then you should trust yourself a bit
more.

Do you fancy a cup of tea?
Do I need to go to the postal office?
Why are my limbs so heavy?
And my thoughts even more?
When does the light kick in again?
When will I meet you?

There's just this much
room in your head
to lament
other one's sorrow
she thought.

It is because of the non-fighting
anymore that somehow
they think
you deserve this.

What do we do
to each other?
to ourselves?
Overhearing two girls in
a fitting room:
This looks far more sexier
on her than on me.
No.

i have stopped to try
and interpret
my episodes that
propel me

Nostalgia my biggest weakness
Melancholy my biggest strength

Yesterday when you
told me he
asked about me
Last year it was
I broke down
Just did and you saw it
my face froze
as my heart
kept on beating.
The rest of the evening
and the first part of the morning lost
while I walked and walked
the streets but no memory lane per se
but this was our route
and it is still mine
all mine mine mine
my streets my river my city
again but it is not about you
anymore you and me
anymore but it is about knowing
I won't find that body that humour
that sense of spending a Saturday morning
anymore.

I still love you
I do
but really
not you
It's more the memory of
our love for music
our humour when love
a Saturday morning late breakfast
wondering around the city
and ending up drunk
your body
oww yes
That.

I rather draft random thoughts
than a series of consecutive imagery
that will drive me to a meaning, a reason,
the cause for doing what I'm doing
and not doing what I really should be.

The veins in her legs
more x more apparent
the lines in her face
more x more profound
Eyes still sparkling
Power of age

My mate broke off our friendship
via sms, I kid you not.
I thought only children behaved
like that.

The moment the road turns
and you see the ocean.
That's it.

She had looked forward to
this life with him
sharing a house and some
kids and meals
dancing in the living room
(although with some diffidence
sometimes).
She ended up looking back
to a life without
anything like that
but travels and lucky stars
and the wind taking care of the laundry.

With a soul
that romantic
and too much
time@the telly

When we are on the phone
I look at myself in the mirror
cannot help but
feel turned on by
this girl reflection
the one you bring out
the one I want to be
pretty slim witty
with wrinkles when smiles
with good ******* and tight waist
my best dress saved for this
day and date
nonexistent not arranged yet
not tempted either anyway.

The reason I feel that insecure when you
take my picture is that -
apart from you taking
forever and me
getting over-selfconscious -
my image is stored for always.

Feeling secure about being insecure

High expectations
Low self-esteem
Loud mouth
Little heart
Fatal combination
To love x life
Still some hopeful days
Left though

I only need one reason
That you're good to me
Since I cannot do that to myself
Although I embrace when nights come

When my head fails me,
I always have my feet.

As we passed each other
Windy night, dark outside
Looking but no -
Things go like this
Anyway
You turned around and said:
Why follow how things go
So we ended up beyond looking
A film! That didn't end
particularly well in the end
It is all about intentions
And my intention on that particular corner
of that particular night was that
I decided to stop thinking
about you as my heart and home
So I followed this destraction
came right on time
But every shelf life expires
Anyway
Thank you for being the best rebound boy
ever, forever and never

I think I stay inside
for now I'm happy
to know that
Outside the lights
shine bright and that
life's are being lived

Your words against mine
Sword against pen
Mind against heart
Planning against pride

The lines of that song
on the radio
humming along though

The smell of your perfume
next to me on the tube
breathe in even though

That one coffee in the morning
alone in my kitchen
don't think just drink

Unexpected moments
expectantly right in my face
my heart stops and
instinctively my own life
on our terms
somehow still
sensing where you are...

want to hear my
side of the story
or have you
made up your mind
alright?

can be friendly
all day
every day
if kindness has a definition
anyway

singing along to the radio
dancing around the house
lying next to you
curling up to breathe safely

Unexpected maturity
put on me by
a decision that
had to be made
which pushed me
out to travel
which pushed you
into your martyr ship

I never thought you
could grieve over a river
love to walk beside it
still leaving it for the ocean
and then...

I never thought you
could grieve over a city
love the illuminated streets
yet leaving it for the desert
but then...

I never thought you
could grieve over a house
feel at home and with you
still leaving it for a suitcase
because...

You never thought I
could grieve over a sofa bed
how I enjoyed settling with you
but I left you for life

You're dead for 22 years
and I miss you still
differently now
At first you were in a closer circle
to me and once even
I thought you were that dove
watching me going to work
that morning
good to know that I've got someone
to watch over me although
I don't particularly like doves

My hair tends to
be a bit bipolar
In the city where it just
croaks and uncurls
bit fluffy sometimes
But not the wavely curls
the undulating motion
when at the seaside
where I belong too.

How my family adore cars
white with spoilers
which to me are things
completely different
Still, we like each other a lot
and they just laugh
and I just read
The girl with the books
The odd one in

(1) Take good care of your legs.
(2) Always control your own bank account.
(3) Dress up like you go into a doctor's office
(She married a doctor by the way).