snow
slush
rain
hail
freeze
slip
melt
drip
repeat

your voice rumbles deep in my being
i feel its low growl in my belly
i draw out our conversation
to feel you resonate inside me

you notice that i have no idea what you were saying
that you have repeated yourself and i didn't respond
so you politely finish and walk away
and i can't even protest

please don't talk to me about your faith

don't tell me about your god or your truth

show me

if your god is worth knowing, you will be too.

if your god is loving, you will love the unlovable.

if your god is almighty, you will exercise her power on the behalf of the powerless.

if your god is all knowing, you will live in compassion and shun condemnation.

if your god is real, you will never need to tell me about her.

I will see her in you.

Almost having love is worse than being alone. "Alone" I can handle. I have been doing "alone" for a long, long time.

I know lonely, and loneliness is my familiar friend.

But almost having a confidante, almost being loved, almost having someone to depend on, is unendurable. "Almost" means I was not quite lovable. Not quite interesting. Just a bit less than you wanted.

When I was alone, I was lonely alone. No one knew.

Now I am lonely exposed. You have hurt me more with your "almost" than "never" could have ever done. Never couldn't touch me, but "almost" has broken me.


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