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  Nov 2018 brynnpowers
Clothes have outgrown me many times over,
but this sadness never does.
One size.
fits all.
There should have been an obituary for cancer,  not you.
Wishing these slits within my skin could have been
replaced by a reality check from you, “You chose to exist.”

My name causes a sigh to escape from lips,
that do not feel like they belong to me,
the girl,
whose words always had to be special.

The schematics of hospitals like a birthmark in my brain,
born into sadness, a gut feeling as a child.
Never trusting time
due to what it delivers.

Death, being the only thing I desired.
But you, 
who I love,
robbed by it.
Whose ebb for life glowed so feverishly.
Stopped comparing depression to lace,
restricted the belief that suicide is poetic,
seeing things as they were.
More often than not, applauded for feeling emotions deeply.
Every second that dies, the shift of my heart quakes.

This world is not tender.

II. Sad.
I have known the flowers I wanted at my own premature funeral,
knowing how many bouquets honored you that day.

split open my veins like a dimension
reminiscent of days where I anticipated deathbeds.

My family wondered,
can we make it through another day?
Death scares me for what it has taken,
yet, I’m not afraid to die-
it’s all I deserve.
So I await the day pain erupts
from my throat,
acknowledging the days a soul
lived inside of my body-
footprints that walked,
belonging to me.

But I learned so well.
How to suffer with a smile,
dreading the beating of my heart
how unfair—
I don’t want to take these deep breaths
You deserved,while I masquerade as a member of the undead
Never outgrowing the desire to rot with the phantoms residing under my bed.

III. Jokes played by the universe.
punchlines delivered,
how could anyone to stand to be in the same room as myself?
How could anyone look over skyscrapers and sunsets,
and not be infatuated with concrete consuming them?
How I shared a sigh of relief during the thought-
of knowing people would thrive without me,
or the power of a belly laugh,
resembling a laugh track audience
drowning out 3 AM suicidal thoughts.
I wrote this in pink gel pen, maybe, that’s another joke.
brynnpowers Nov 2018
No one gets me,
No one sees my pain,
No one sees me cry,
I show no emotion other than rage and confidence,
No one knows how weak I feel,
No one knows how scared I am.
No one knows how small I feel,
No one knows how hard I try to keep myself bright and cheery,
No one knows how I see the world around me.
No one sees me cry my tears,
No one knows that I cry in the night where my face is hidden in the dark,
No one knows that I am trying to pull myself out of an empty black abyss.
No one knows that there is no bliss for me,
No one knows how lonely I feel,
No one knows how guilty I feel with my friends how dumb I feel,
No one knows how fake I am the smiles I give are fake the laugh I give is fake,
No one know what I am truly thinking, sometimes I don’t even know what I am thinking.
Though no one knows that death is the only thing that is being honest,
You think I’m lying put death a chance.
people when they think they are about to die weather by their own hands or someone else by an accident.
they say that their lives are flashing by their eyes that not true that’s the reasons for staying alive the only true reasons that you fight everyday against death the only reason that you get up in the morning the reason you face your worst nightmare.
So thinking about dying maybe the near death experience might help you realize the good things in life or maybe it will make you realize you don’t have a reason for living but what do I know I’m not in your brain the only person in control is yourself so if you do decide to go over that is not on me don’t blame me for your mistake.
brynnpowers Nov 2018
roses are red,
violets are blue,
you are sweet and kind,
and beautiful too.
brynnpowers Nov 2018
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Freedom is perfect,
And so are you,
Orchids are white,
Gost one’s are rare,
My suppy is short,
And so is your hair,
Magnolia grow,
With buds like eyes,
A neck is slender,
And so are your legs.
Sunflowers reach,
Up to the sky,
competition is perfect,
and so are your eyes.
Fox gloves in hedges,
Surround the farm,
The face is thin and so arm your arms.
Daisies are pretty.
Daffies have style.
Infantry is light,
And so is your smile.
Waterfalls are beautiful,
Just like you.
brynnpowers Nov 2018
You say you’re here to help me,
but you don’t know the pain and suffering I am feeling even if there is no reason for the pain.
I feel the constant feeling of loneliness that is always following me around.
You say that there is a reason for everything,
I don’t believe you because you don’t understand my brain and how it works.
You know the basics of how to tell if something is going on,
But you don’t know the thoughts running through my head.
The bigger picture that you aren’t seeing the pain you may see in my eyes,
but you don’t know why it’s there you don’t know how many people I have had to stop from ending themselves from their last and only true mistake that would have been you wouldn’t think it that many how is it possible,
I’m 14 the count is higher than most would be comfortable the way you try to put yourself into my shoes is something you can’t do without taking on all my pain and suffering from others that I have helped the ones i couldn't.
I have fixed so many people without the thought of its effect on my mental health.
I can tell you it is negative are you going to tell me that the things you hear from people so young hasn’t affected your mental health?
Think try to remember, now try to honestly tell me that your mental health is sane that you are the one who can help and take my pain away?
should I just keep up helping those who have issue ‘s and refuse to talk to people like you then i drive myself insane past the breaking point beyond fixing.
the point where I have realized that this world is gone and beyond fixing because it is corrupt,
and has lost sight of what truly matters by now I’m losing faith in our world our culture our prospects of life.
Losing hope for the others my age who I couldn’t get to before they dug the blade deep deeper then fixing not reaching fast enough to knock the gun from their hands before they pull the trigger. to untie the noose around their neck. from stopping them from taking pills or purposely overdosing. not able o drain the water before they drown themselves.
Every child whose life is lost to suicide is another hope another piece of my brain gone down the drain replaced with the dark thoughts it is a wonder why I haven’t fallen,
yet I keep standing fighting fights for those who think they can’t fight no more.
so can you continue to tell me that it will get better that it wasn't my fault i couldn't save him that i did what i could even though i know i could have done more,
because his words saying something i should have taken seriously no one knew that he talked to that he confided in me i didn't take it seriously because he hadn't talked to me much before,
his words his voice echoes in my head telling me asking silently what he couldn't ask his friends he needed someone he didn't know to tell his last wish his silent cry for help.
that i didn't understand until it was to late keeping my mouth shut not saying anything.
separating myself pretending that he never really talked to me but now i can't hide  the truth any more so until you have lost someone to suicide and didn't know they were asking for help without asking then you can say that you know were i am coming from.
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