The rain pounds the roof
Like a child pouring out a bag of marbles
Upon a plastic table
He picks them up
Only to pour them out again

The water falls in sheets
One after another
Blown in by Boreas

Thunder rumbles lightly in the distance
As if watching the destruction from afar
Cheering on the rain
Showing support
The waters rise and take the earth
Piece by piece

Sporadically we are reminded
That we are not in control
The earth is not ours to subdue
We are powerless against her advances
We are at her mercy
And still life goes on

Traffic flies by at its usual pace
People rushing to work
Rushing home
Always rushing
Oblivious to the revelation
That the earth is delivering
Is that the power of the human spirit?
To press on regardless?
Or is that evidence of our ignorance?
That we selfishly pursue our interests
Despite the message being sent?

The earth demands our attention
Destroying itself with its own air
To remind us
That the structures we build
The lives we make
Are nothing to her
She has taken many lives before us
And will take many more

Someday humanity will be gone
But the earth will rage on

Treat your mother well, earthlings
For she is our protector
There is no life without her blessing
And she will find balance
Within the world you’ve created

For every storm
There are countless days
That pass by without notice
She spins, creates life, enables health
And we go about our business
With nary a “thank you”
Embrace your mother
Show gratitude
For without her blessing
We are but a speck of dust
Blowing in the wind

There are six tables set up
Fourteen chairs around them
We can all see each other
A door that slides shut
To give the illusion of privacy

My alleged peers and supervisors
Talking business, solving problems
Allegedly
This room created to give the air of importance
I do not fall for it

Most of the talk is trivial
Complaining about the uncontrollable
Offering no practical solutions
Waxing philosophically
“Wouldn’t it be great if…”
This is business, not a fairy tale

It’s safe to say I’m not engaged
In this conversation
In this meeting
My mind isn’t somewhere else
But it is not here

Perhaps the bruised ribs
And pain that accompanies
Is what keeps me disengaged
More likely
It’s the futility of conversation

Every couple minutes
I shift in my seat
Searching for comfort that cannot be found
It helps the time to pass
Three and a half hours

Each job provides its own misery
Every month this is mine
Three hours for a few nuggets
Of something useful
This is inefficient corporate America
Pay me to drive
Pay me to sit
Pay me to daydream
Pay me to eat
They call this management

There was a time I was excited
To have influence
For my voice to be heard
To be in a room with important people
I was naive

Once per quarter I will voice my opinion
And maybe it makes a difference
Not likely, though
Everyone wants confirmation
Not discussion

Ultimately those that make decisions
Make their decisions
Based on their own vision
Their own emotion and experience
Not the collective

And, so, the cycle continues
I return to my store
I sit at my desk
As if this day never happened
Except that my shirt is still tucked in

On the verge of tears all day
A million reasons why
A million reasons for them to be there
And a million reasons to keep them inside
Today I bought the lie
“You are not enough”
As so many days before
And so many yet to come

Today I was not strong enough
To be the strength for someone else
To find truth among the lies
To reach out for help
To combat the growing insecurity
To brush it off
Today I was only strong enough
To struggle through

But today I was strong enough for that
Just as so many days before
And so many yet to come
This is my war
Battles waged monthly
Weekly
Daily
Even by the hour

Somedays I charge valiantly
Seizing enemy territory
While others I settle in the bunker
Concerned only with holding fast
So long as I survive
Tactics matter not
And survive I must
For the enemy cannot win

Answers I have not
Merely suggestions
Rattling between my ears
My pleading you’ve misconstrued
As lecturing
I have no authority over you
You are correct
Nor do I claim any
Communication is a two way street
We are in this together
Searching for solutions together

Raised to seek the authority
To be told what to think
How to feel, who to love
We know not ourselves
Only the image
We’ve been told to portray
To shatter that image
Or to perpetuate it
Is not my goal
My journey is not yours
But it is ours
For we are all one

Who could be a greater authority
Than the one that resides within?
You are your authority
Responsibility is yours
To seek new ideas
Vet them
Dispose of the useless
Incorporate the useful
Or hold them until the moment is right
Countless opinions exist
Available to the masses
Whose are valid?
The decision is yours

You rant and you rave
Desperately seeking attention
Read between the lines
“Please, look at me!”
“Please tell me I matter!”

Your constant talking
Admonishing and encouraging
Are thinly veiled attempts
To justify your own existence
You are not a leader
If no one follows

You want to make an impact
I get that
You want to be missed
I get that too
We all do

You throw crap against the wall
Hoping it will stick
But your words are muddy
You share ideas
They are convoluted at best

You want to be the antidote
To a vapid world
Consumed by the trivial
The surface
The small talk

You are not interesting enough
To move the needle
Not motivating enough
To inspire
Your words fall mostly flat

Still, you do matter
In the way that we all do
You will be missed
By those who know you
You do make a difference

It may not be how you dream
Or how you’d like
You may never reach the peak
Of the mountain you are climbing
But at least you keep moving

And so, friend
Keep doing what you must
Do what you like
Train your mind and body
But be realistic

There is much noise
Your voice may not overcome it
Some are listening
For the whisper
To find the truth

Your message
Is not for everyone
For everyone
Cannot handle it
Don’t stop

I sit crooked in my chair
A dog plays alone
Spider-man holds my coffee
Salt and pepper on the table from last night’s dinner
An empty cup
My phone and another empty cup
Countless papers hold the table down
As if at any moment it could float away
A pumpkin from Halloween
A deceased Christmas cactus
An untended fairy garden

We are not adept at noticing the small things
We are not ones to clean up after ourselves
We are not good at good-byes
We are constantly out-waiting everyone else
Holding on for someone to clean our mess
Confident that someone else will be less patient than ourselves
This will bother you before it bothers me

It bothers me
But I cannot do it alone
I cannot be the maid
I cannot look after the possessions of five
In addition to my two jobs
And so I pick my battles
I learn to let go
I put on the same blinders you have
Pretend it doesn’t exist
So that when I do have time and energy
I have forgotten all about it

The darkness awaits
Always there
Ready to engulf without a moment’s notice
Sometimes dormant
Sometimes active
Always inevitable
The darkness awaits