I am nobody’s hero.
I am no one’s savior.
I am not the potential you see in me.
I am a mere mortal.

A mortal who struggles
Day by day
Writhing in emotional discomfort
A mortal devoid of answers
Only more questions

I am not a counselor
Who should take advice from me?
From a man engulfed in his own shortcomings?
No one.

I am not the perfect parent
I am not the ideal husband
I trust my shaky instincts
Sometimes

I am nothing special
I am simply me.

I pretend to be asleep
And wish I was
But my mind races
About that which I must do
But never wanted
About recent shortcomings
Worried about more to come
About my eventual death

Will anyone notice?

Certainly not the others
Who are awake right now
Racing past my home
Unaware of my existence
On their way to or from
At four o’clock a.m.

And certainly not the billions
Across the globe who
Have no reason to concern themselves
With a stranger
In middle class America
Living a comfortable life
Worried about a death unlikely to come soon
While they fight just to survive today

Probably not the thousands
With whom I’ve had brief encounters
Barely brushing through their lives
With hardly an impact
They may see my face
Or recognize my name
But they cannot place it
And they go about their day

There are hundreds of whom I know
And they know me
By face and by name
In an instant
Hundreds with whom I have lived
And had impact
Who may consider me a friend
Or a colleague
Or even a mentor
Surely they would notice

This is the dichotomy of death
I wish not for them to suffer
But need to know I will be missed
I want my absence to be noticed
But for all to find happiness
I want them to mourn
And not forget me
But also to live on
Full and happy lives

This cannot be ensured
We can never be certain
Yet must live as if we are
Without fear of anonymity
Or an empty funeral
Try to make an impact each day
And hope that it matters
To someone
Somewhere

There are no grand revelations
No great message for the world
Nothing to shake your worldview
There is only life
And how we react to it
Will we get lost in the chaos of daily responsibility
And miss all of life that surrounds us?
Or will we take time to notice
The people, the earth that give us life?
We are designed to work, to create
To build and to destroy
But not only that
We are designed to relate
To laugh and to smile
To get angry and to be sad
To emote is to be human
Yet we seek to drown the emotions
Desiring to ignore the discomfort
We distract with alcohol, ***, gambling
Drugs and work, shopping and even religion
Time passes, we become dependent
Eventually, we know no other way
To cope with how we feel -
About ourselves, about life
About impending death -
We go back to the well
Day after day
Hoping, praying, that today will be the day
That peace arrives in a bottle
But only distraction
We spiral further
Shame creeps in
Fear grows
We isolate
Show them not our flaws
But only our victories
Our vapid victories
We hide the truth
Reveal what we believe is the best of us
It’s a lie
The best of us is what we hide
The best of us is our battle
Our fears and our scars
The best of us is how we’ve grown
And what we’ve learned
When will we accept that there is no joy
Without the pain that preceded it?
When will we know, deep in our souls,
That ALL are broken
That we are not alone
That we need each other?
There is no honor in pretend
No bravery in hiding
The world is cruel, true,
For insecurity runs rampant
Have the courage to reveal
No grand revelation
Just how you’ve responded to life

Time moves
Constantly, consistently
It neither flies nor drags
Only our interpretation
Gives those distinctions

Time waits for no one
For no thing
Time has no master
Except perpetual motion
And so it goes

More time for the good
To relish accomplishments
To be with loved ones
Time cares not
For our desires

Less time to consider
Failures, death
Sadness and the like
Time cares not
For our desires

With or without you
Time marches on
With or without us
Time marches on
Time marches

With or without this world
This earth, this universe
Time marches on
It is not needy
Time marches

It is not concerned
With our busyness
Nor our names for it
My time is limited
Time itself is infinite

Seconds, minutes, hours, days
Weeks, months, years
Decades, centuries
Millennia, eons
Are all the same to time

It does not speed up
It will not slow down
It will not stop
Only you can make the most
Of the time you have

Celebrate well, mourn appropriately
But do not waste time
For your end
Is nearer than you think
And time will march on

The cool crisp air has settled
Calming
The slow breaths of a dying world
Silently gasping for air
But finding none
Is it Autumn, or something more permanent?
Somewhere, a hurricane rages
Desperate to convey the truth
To a population unwilling to listen
The most weather on record
Each season
Still, we blame others
Life goes on
Cars whizz by, unfettered
Unaware
Soon we will be the ones gasping
In our final breaths
For what we’ve done to our home
The earth will enter a deep sleep
Winter
Only the most resilient will survive
Inhospitable conditions
Rebirth will begin
Grass will grow, flowers bloom
Spring
The earth will give life once again
Life will find away
Just not ours
We have but one chance on this earth
Let us change course to not throw it away
It is not the earth that needs us for survival
It is us that needs her

Listen closely to hear
The echo of a soul
That used to reside within
The shadow of that which used to exist
But is no more

I am but an empty shell
A vessel abandoned
Vulnerable to the storms of the ocean
Tossed to and fro
By the whims of the wind and waves

My body lives on
Seeking only survival
And carnal pleasure
But without purpose
Its existence is moot

My mind continues
Weaving webs of confusion
Destructive thoughts
Circular logic
Are all unfulfilling

But the soul, oh, the soul
The soul has left
Can it be rebuilt?
Can it exist once again?
Or am I left to wallow in emptiness evermore?

Give me direction
Give me purpose
Give me a reason to live
And the drive to accomplish
Restore to me my soul