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It’s 4 a.m again,
I crawl back into my room again,
I swore tonight would be different,
But here I am, yet again...
The night seemed so dark,
But I fear the sun coming up again,
I open up a beer, again
I light another cigarette, again
I’m losing control of my thoughts again,
I want this pain to stop
Sleep alludes me, again
Will I ever break this cycle?
As I am sitting alone in my room thinking...
It’s 4 a.m again.
I have wrote this from a very specific perspective and situation, but after reading it I feel it can be relatable to different people for different reasons.
I once read that life is a present we did not ask for, but is too valuable to give up
So tell me,
If I never asked for you, is this the reason why I only feel alive when I’m with you?
I will bury it, for as long as I can.
It will remain hidden, in the depths of my heart,
Longing to get out,
I will drown it in smoke and bourbon,
It’s here again.. at the forefront of my mind
That feeling I get, when I look into your eyes.
If I knew failure was not an option,
I would give it all to you,
How do you go on, when you know you have to end the thing you wish would last forever?
I will keep you here, in my memories
When I look upon the full moon, or the starry skies,
I will remember the brightness in your eyes, whilst the tears fill mine,
When I feel the sun kiss my skin, and the burn that it brings,
I will remember the soft touch of your hand, and the sadness it brings,
When I hear the birds singing, alone or in pairs,
I will remember my unworthy hand, running through your hair,
When the pain from loving you is gone, and my heart begins to mend,
I will continue to lie to myself, carry on and pretend that..
When I think of you, it doesn’t hurt me still
I will keep you here, in my memories.
Just a first draft. Probably not the best, may return and redraft
Surely, in my darkest hour, you were there
Always watching, cold and impassive stare,
Dutiful to the end, you have never left me
Now the only thing I can see,
Everlasting cold in the darkness,
Shadow in the light
Sadness my friend, I love you by my side.
Trying out a few things. Hope to get some things out of the brain into words to focus on the good things.
Will you love me,
Love me like those nights you forgot I existed?
That’s all the love I will ever need from you now..
I can’t remember when it started again
But I no longer remember how to smile.

I’ve forgotten the taste of a good meal,
the joy of the morning breeze,
the feeling of waking up with purpose.

I walk, but I have no direction,
I sail, with no wind behind me,
I drive, but my tank is empty,
I run, but I wear bricks for shoes.

There is nothing to console me now,
no road I can walk,
no path I can take
               I am lost
               I am changed
               I am...     gone
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