Look at me I'm fine! Are you fine!?! Yes, can't you see? look at me I'm fine. If you're so fine why do you feel like that on the inside? What difference does it make how I feel on then inside? look at me I'm fine. I don't want to look at this shell of a person I want to see you. If you wanted to see me you would know I was fine. I don't understand what you don't understand. Look at me I'm fine! If you're so fine why can people feel your pain through the smile? If you're so fine why can't you break through this feeling of being held back? If you're so fine why can't you get pass your own thoughts? Ok ok but look at me I'm fine! Why can't you accept the fact that I'm fine and leave it there? Because you're not fine and I refuse to allow you to tell yourself otherwise. But I'm coping so what's the problem? Aren't you tired of coping? Aren't you tired of barely living? Aren't you tired of being a shell of a person and letting people get glimpses and pieces of your spirit? No because that's what keeps me safe. Why be safe when you can live? What's life really about anyway? How do you miss something you never truly had? Because I know you can feel the desire and the fire that burns within. So what if I do? Look at me I'm fine! What do you mean so What? How can you sit and feel all the great things that you do and suppress it as if it means nothing? Because I'm lost and confused and it all means nothing right now. With that attitude it'll continue to be nothing. What do you want from me? Look at me I'm fine! I want you to live and be alive don't give me the words to pacify me. Look at me I'm fine!

She's your guiding light use her but don't abuse her. She's yours for a reason only you can see it. She combined two souls that were meant to be together. Nothing is a coincidence. Use her light to fill your darkness until you can see for yourself. Things are getting brighter I know you see it, i know you feel it. Stay off the path of complacency you don't belong there. She is me and I am her take her hand and she'll show you. Dig deeper and deeper don't be afraid, don't be afraid of the unknown because there's light there I promise. Everything is for you she'll show you. You think you're teaching her but in reality she's teaching you. She's teaching you how to live. You think you live for her but in reality you live for yourself. I know it's scary because you've never felt it. I know you want to give up but she won't let you she's your guiding light use her but don't abuse her. When things become clear you'll see. It's hard to tell you but I'll show you. I know you see just trust me. She's your guiding light use her but don't abuse her.

My spirit is wandering asking questions that dont seem to be as important before. Maybe I went too far from home, I was on the right track and lost my way. I need to get back home. I need to reconnect. I'm starting to see it from every angle I'm lost and wandering. I'm not supposed to feel like this, I'm supposed to be centered and solid. Where did I go wrong in such a beautiful journey? Maybe it was when you left me to my own devices. Not able to pull me up from the rights and the wrongs. As much as I can act like you're to blame it's my spirit not yours. You show me and guide me but I'm blind to it all. I need to get back home I'm lost and I'm wandering. I'm open but maybe not I'm afraid of what might be. Theories is all I have but where have they gotten me. I was so close to the source and now I've lost it. I started to believe I was broken and damaged, but how can that be with a heart so pure? It's true you speak things into existence and I've spoken my demise. So hurt by residual pain that doesn't belong. I know I'm stronger than whatever life has to throw me because I've survived, but why do I feel so broken? The devil has my mind while God has my spirit and is telling me to come back home. All is forgiven so why cant i forgive myself. Lost and confused but its clear as the brightest day. I can't feel the feet that has grounded me for so long. I walk in a trace and it shows. I'm lost and I'm wandering to find my home.

(Take a step back)

Holding your bleeding heart in my hand stretched out in front of the both of us.
(You feel like you're suffocating but I promise I got you)

(Look me in the eyes)

Let me tell you. Every beat that's in my hand is your purpose. (Breath you got this)

(Dont look down there's nothing for you there)

Hear your heart crying because she loves so deeply. Jaded by the circumstances of things of the past.

(Shhh you have to listen)

She's telling you a story of where it began. She's telling you she doesn't want to hold onto it any longer. She's telling you that its crowded in there. She's telling you she wants to break free. She's telling you that she knows it hurts, she knows it's painful but this is worse. She's telling you that you're strong enough to get through. She's telling you begging you just need to listen.
She's telling you she doesn't want to just survive anymore she wants to live. Live free of this hurt that no longer matters, no longer plays a part in anything. She's telling you she finally knows beautiful because she's met ugly. She's telling you that she cant be perfect but she'll be **** near. She's telling you just to listen to her when you can.

(Look at her because she'll show you)

She screams look at me, look at me please look at me.
(Don't turn your head you have to look). I know I may look ugly but I promise it's a coat. It's a shield of armor to keep out the darkness. I swear there's light in here I promise. (Breath you got this). Why can't you look at me? Who told you that you weren't worthy? Who made you believe you were nothing? Please just look at me. Tears roll down your face, I know I sent them. That's the only way you'll feel me. Please just look at me. I'm not ugly I promise. You get glimpses of what I can show you. Keep it with you until you're ready.

(Times running out)

Jaded heart just wants to be free but she has to go back like a caged bird. Jaded heart wants to be loved, not convenient or comfort love. Jaded heart wants you to see her, wants you to love her, wants you to tell her she's beautiful despite the years of beatings. Jaded heart is as beautiful as she was when she first started. She loves so deeply and so passionately.

(Take her back)

And nurture her. Cultivate all the good inside of her. Break every wall that's binding her. She's not ugly she's beautiful. Keep her with you always.


(Breath, I know you feel like you're suffocating but I promise I got you)

I'm in search of... what am I really in search of? What "truth" do I really need to know? What difference does it really make? I'm in search of... my own said heaven... away from this hell... ha what hell look around you try again. I'm in search of... this knowledge that can lead me to God... or back to me the better me the inner me. I'm in search of... my truth even if it doesn't compare to yours. I'm in search of the answers to unlock the universe that I could have in the palm of my hand. I'm in search of the only thing that seems right in a world so wrong. To be in search of something that I feel in my heart to be mine to feel like there's no going back. There's a foundation that was laid but it's not the way. I'm in search of...

My dreams are better than reality because that's where I spend my best time with you. Where there isn't any care in the world we can be our absolute selves. I can feel you touch my spirit as our hearts beat as one. My dreams are better than reality because that's where I spend my best time with you. Two bodies become one as the juices flow and the smell of love fill the air. Our bodies explode in pure ecstasy as if you were made for me and I for you. Now don't get me wrong because this isn't what it's all about. The love I have for you and you for me is like no other so pure and so free. The yearn I have to be your wife and take care of your deepest desires, to take hold of your heart and nurture it forever. To show you everything that I see in you to build you up and put you on a pedestal where you belong. Would be no greater gift to me. My dreams are better than my reality because that's where I spend my best time with you

When you look in the mirror who do you See? I see someone who knows better but doesn't necessarily do better. I see someone who could control other people but can't control herself. When you look in the mirror who do you See? I see someone who has been through so much pain that she can't even pinpoint where it began. I see someone who wants to be loved but doesn't know how to give it in return. When you look in the mirror who do you see? I see someone who has more potential than she allows. I see someone who could be so much better than she is. When you look in the mirror who do you See? I see someone who deserves better than she thinks she does. I see someone who could rule the world but is complacent. When you look in the mirror who do you See? I see someone that is going to soon wake up from a dream and live the reality that's deep inside of her. When you look in the mirror who do you see?

Have you ever had your heart ripped out and smashed to a million pieces only to find yourself trying to carefully piece it back together? You feel like your dying so now time is moving your back is against the wall you have to hurry walla all done. Well its a little lopsided and jaded but it'll have to do. Have you ever had a piece of your soul taken and weight just come off of you feel like you were melting? You look in the mirror and say **** I look good but the gears shift and you remember that it came at a cost when a piece of your soul died. Speaking of mirrors have you ever looked so deep at yourself but your vision was cloudy? Clouded by fear, by self-hate, self-mutilation, self-disgust. The darkness that you sit in where you think this is life. All the while when you walk, you walk with this light that people see. So although you think you live in darkness continue to walk in this light until it's bright enough for you to see.

You're my muse and what better muse to have other than you. When my eyes fill with tears and my heart is cloudy and dark is when I'm most inspired. Inspired to write, inspired to speak, inspired to see something different in me. This was your thing not mine,this was your gift not mine, amazingly you're still able to take me places i never knew i could. You're my muse and what better muse to have other than you. How do you elevate me? How do you calm me? How do you give me the words? The words that come from you spoken by me. I know it's something Devine, I know it's something only you can do. I clung to every word that came out of your mouth and now I'm blessed to be used by you. You're my muse and what better muse to have other than you.

Oh hello anxiety nice of you to have joined us. Have you met anguish and anger. I know this isn't your first time here but why don't you tell us why you're here. Oh ok well anguish brings me tears and anger brings my frustration so again tell us why you're here. Oh I see well the last thing that brought me a headache or even a stomachache was stress and we got rid of him a long time ago see we definitely didn't have room for him. Before you go any further I feel you don't have much to bring to the table aside from fear, fear of the unknown and right now we don't have time for that. Right now we have real issues to deal with so if you would kindly excuse yourself. Now don't get me wrong I know this isn't going to be the last time we meet but for the sake of everything good you must leave. Until next time.

Where is more when I just want to be loved? I keep falling into situations that mean me no good. I keep looking for more but getting less. Should I continue to settle just for the warmth of a body? How can I keep doing this to myself? When will it end? Where is more when I just want to be loved? Am I not good enough to be loved the right way? Have i closed myself to the possibility of happiness? If I say I'm ready for love will it come? How can I be sure that it's right? If all I've ever gotten was less. Is it my fault? Did I do something to offset my karma? Where is more when I just want to be loved? I'm a good person hell I'm great. Why do I keep getting less? Where is my love I deserve? Maybe I don't deserve it, maybe I have to work on me and let it come. But how do I know when it's for me when I keep getting less? I hope when more comes I'm ready and willing not scared to fall, but where is more when I just want to be loved?

What do you do when you were already afraid to love? What do you do when lines are crossed? What do you do when it sounds like you've been here before? What do you do when you accept the reactions of your actions? What happens if things will never be the same? Is it possible to go back? Is it possible to move forward? Is it just your fault or his demons feeding off of the both of you? You walk in pain because it hurts physically and emotionally. I think this will be the thing that does you in. I think this will be the thing that puts you back away. How can she understand when you don't? What do you do when your back is against the wall? What do you do when you allow things to come into your space that don't belong? If it's okay this time what about next time? Ugh we'll just have to see.

There's this box that holds all of my secrets, darkest thoughts, pain and any resemblance of who I once was. I don't remember where the box came from or even when it first started. I just know it's dark in there and becoming overly crowded. I threw everything in there even the things I didn't mean to. I did it to survive the worse pain even the ones I forgot about. There's now a hole in the box that seems to damage me more and more each day. Just a glimmer of hope seems to be no more. The light of a new day brings me hope but only for a minute. A minute to try to make things right but I always run out of time. I feel like my soul is being ripped from my body and I don't know where it's going. Sometimes I wish to be done, done with everything and become something new. I wish to fly as high as my wings will let me. I feel trapped in this box where there is no love. Who can love me when I don't love myself? Who can stand me when I can't stand myself? Who could understand me when I can't understand myself? So many hidden things I forgot who I was. I hid from myself so I couldn't see my truth. Its so dark that nothing else matters. The darkness is where I live because it's the only thing I know. I think I'm okay but I'm not there's so much pain that I'll crumble. Crumble at the idea of something new, crumble at the idea of who I could be. I rather not feel because there's only pain. How do I go on when I don't want to? What will I do when the box is broken for good? I'm afraid of what might be.