Loathe to reveal
Feelings you conceal.
You’ve been here before,
Just to be sure.
Is it real? Darling Dear
I don’t know.

Has it stood the test of time?
Define time, she said.
Well, this time  
Is behind
and not ahead

Then, yes
Decidedly no.
Oh, I don’t know
Maybe yes, maybe no
Many lifetimes ago?
How can this be so?
****** if I know.

Just,
Don’t let the cat out.
No doubt.
Out of the box?
Or the bed.
She said.

Is she dead or alive?
We can only surmise.
I think I hear her cry.
I lie.
Yet, it was still a surprise
To find the box
had been ripped apart
By a lonely heart.
Long ago.
And you were the only one
Who didn’t know.


How could this be?
You ask.


No one said anything.
That’s what they do.
Replied you.


You never looked.
It’s better that way.
At least, that’s what they say.


I’m keeping the cat alive,
I replied.
Again, I lied.

Oh, Oh,  Oh,
I don’t know.


So, you mean to tell me,
To make things plain and clear, dear,
I was the only one
The one and only one
Who didn’t know


I’m afraid so.
She said.
So,
If you say go, I’ll go
If you say, stay
I’ll stay


Unless,  there’s another way.

But,
Here’s the hook.
You must never ever look.
You mustn’t look.


You might **** the cat.
And I couldn’t deal with that.

When you hide, you seek
On the day I became Jesus
I let the sun shine
The grass grow
The music play  
The crows crow and
And the babies cry.
Oh Sweet Jesus Jezebel
How strange can it be
How ordinary to
Get out of your own way
He said
"There's nowhere to go
And nothing to do."
You asked
"Who’s at bat?"
I answered
"I already told you.
No one."
I’m not sorry for being Jesus
And you shouldn’t be either
If you think it’s broken
Give it to me
I’ll fix it
With my omnipotent powers
But, listen to me Now
How Can You Fix What’s Never Been Broken?
You’re hiding in plain sight.

Well, that was one hell of a poem
That will never see the light of day
I’ll just hide it away
In a folder on my laptop
Marked
Not to be read
Unless I am dead
The curious will surely want to read it then

You need to separate the wheat from the chaff
The boys from the men
You need to separate the uncensored
From the censored
The undone from the done
You thought it
You wrote it
You spoke
There must be something you liked about it
If there is I don’t know what it is
I’ll return to it in the morning
When I’m mourning my awakening

There is nothing I like about it
There are no words I care about
There are no seasons that shine
Reasons that rhyme
No rhymes sublime
I have left it all behind
In the gloom of my mind

All the sparks have been extinguished
I think and think and think
It’s brought me to the brink
Where have I gone wrong
I reach down deep inside of me
But, can’t seem to find the way in me
I’ve lost my muse
I’m not amused, but I am
Without my inspiration
The emptiness screams at me
Exasperating my damnation

I can’t seem to take another step
The heaviness deflates me
That’s not me you see
On the floor
Please just ignore what you see
Step over me
Go around me
Let me be
Let me wallow in my pity
Pity, please
I can still be the witness to
My woundedness

In the solitude of my loneliness
Diving into my emptiness
The depressive blob finds me there
It spreads like the black plaque
Where ever it goes
Filling every crevasse
With what isn’t me
Phlegmatic globs of stickiness
Yet I can’t seem to separate from
it’s grasping crusty tentacles

it is me
it isn’t me
does it matter
when you’ve lost your inspiration
and you’re as low as you can go
and nothing seems to matter
the world spins on slow
you know it’s just a cycle
you’ll come back around
and you’ll land with
your feet on the ground
but, not now.

Have I given away my power
Why can’t I be the one
Who inspires me
Why am I not enough
Am I playing too tough
Too rough
You can be rough and tumble
Still, stumble and fall
I said
To no one at all

You like everything you are
Even when you’re subpar
Who’s to be the judge
Have you heard
No what
The judge retired from the bench
That’s not true
I knew he was lying
I have my spies
Who do the spying
Really
Yes really
That’s quite silly
I feel the fog lifting
I fear it’s lifting
Because it was so comforting
Like an old blanket
That’s so familiar
And that’s even sillier
I feel the fog lifting
Time to put my head
Under the blanket
And go on another mind junket

Some stories are more true than others
This may be one of them
Or it may be another
Some bend the line
Between fiction and fact
I detract……
Believe it or not,  
Back before the world began
Before you were you
And I was me
We created the world
The way
We wanted it to be
So don’t be so proud of all your degrees
Because you created you
The way I wanted you to be
You decided where you would live
What you would do
All the experiences you would go through
I’d tell you this is a fable
And that’s one reality
If you were only able
To understand
You’re under an umbrella
Of insanity
Or could that be me
Fear not, Sir Lancelot
Your truth lancer
Is just a fantasy dancer
She’s never coming for you
Is that what you want her to do
You should never believe a fantasy dancer
Did you ever hear the riddle
Or was it a conundrum
About the two brothers
One always told the truth
And one always told a lie
How to tell the difference
It really wasn’t necessary
I’ll tell you why
hmmm
I forget the point I was going to make
Something about what is true
And what is fake
Yes, I think that was it.
So while you were planning
To do everything right
I was escaping into the night
The streets were lit in incandescent light
Nocturnal prowlers of the twilight
We too were hoping to get it right
Living under the shroud of night
Rising as the sun is setting
Bed wetting
Corset letting
Underground abetting
Courter’s of midnight insights

But in the end
Even the darkness was so bright
One gets tired of the artificiality
Self-imposed marginality
And decides to come into the light.

Distracting yourself with all the things of your doing
Little time left for beauty  
The people, the places, the problems,
The gardens below the deep blue sea
What next,
What to do
But not me
God spoke to you your divine mission
But you had other plans
Prophesizing was not your ambition
Accused of sedition
Your shipmates up roared
Threw you overboard
For refusing to obey the lord
Jonah in the whale chasing his own tail
Swallowed whole
It was a dark night of the soul
Dark nights don’t last forever
I’m hoping
The whale took pity
Spit you from nit-picky
Onto a sandy shore
It was there you saw her
A damsel in distress
Rapunzel in a Versace dress
You are in
Survival a la mode

Tell me
What is real
What fantasy

Danger lurking in your own backyard
Disguised as femininity
You swing from to and fro and
When push comes to show
All the things you know
While you row upstream
Adrenalin coursing like rain
Tendrils rooted in pain
You’re a ******
Just the same
Chemically constructed
but that
Keeps you on the safe track.

When did you lose your innocence?
When did you learn to not trust
Throwing intuition
Out the window
When you learned
to see the difference
in us

But Darlings
You must learn to trust
or it will be
The End
of Us.
Once again.

Once upon a time
On a fence in a garden somewhere
Worse than Mary’s lamb lost in the woods
She hasn’t slaughtered the poor lamb
And fed it to the wolves
As she’s been rumored to
I lied when I said
Fairytales don’t come true
Why would Mary be so cruel
To make them eat gruel
If my poem doesn’t rhyme
Must be a bad sign
Because my hearts on the line
Because you left me behind
I need to read between the lines
But all I think about is you
So, in the same way they shoot horses
Tell me it’s not true
Save me from playing the fool
Because I’ve never been here before
And I don’t know what to do
Without you.

This must be a fantasy
Because I no longer need you to be
I made you real
Carved you out of wood
I’m a master carver
I love what I do
I love my creations
You can fill in the last line
If you want to.

Don’t believe what I say
Because I’m still on the fence
Telling Lies
It’s not true
This is me pouring my heart out
First, it’s yes
Then it’s no
Then go away
Then stay

Now wouldn’t it be so unlike Mary
To slaughter the poor lamb
She’s not that cruel

I know I’m waffling
The fence is narrow
And I can’t stay here forever
But don’t send the sirens just yet
I only meant
I’m coming down from the fence
The end.

Andrea, here’s the update

Snow-white has run off with Happy after the Charming Prince to jail he went for kissing the girl without consent.

Wicked stepmother has cleared her name. The apple was a honey crisp, ate it herself, she couldn’t resist.
  
They rushed her to the ER. Pumped her stomach, sent her home in an Uber car.

Andrea Remember

how we rode our bicycles to the park on warm summer days. Mine a dull shade of green, clunky with fat tires. I think my father paid five dollars for it. You with a sleeker younger model. Didn’t matter. We were young, hopeful and complete with the moment.

how long has it been since we walked those hollowed high school halls, poofed hair, poofed pride, poofed egos? We thought we were something back then. The age of innocence, incense, and nonsense.

remember how we dutifully attended religious instruction every Thursday afternoon at Corpus Christi Church. Funny how some things stay with you and some things are on the fence.

remember the crowded lunchroom where our little clique met regularly at 11. I ate ice cream sandwiches every single day. I was size 9, you maybe no size at all, maybe zero or four.

remember the guy on the radio would say “especially you size nine.” No way would he get away with that today.  

you were always impeccably dressed.  A fashionista before anyone had ever heard the word. I especially remember that soft orange sweater you wore that looked so adorable on you.

Andrea Remember

all the boys we loved and left.

all the boys who left and broke our hearts. I remember you crying in the backseat of the car.

will we ever forget?

I remember the day you told me he had gotten her pregnant and they were getting married. Years later I met his son and he looked so much like him. Years later I met him, but it wasn’t the same.

we made a great team, you and me. You outgoing, gregarious and fun. Me quiet and shy. You were Penn and I was Teller. You always led the way and I always followed. I perhaps wanted to be you and you perhaps wanted to be me.

I almost didn’t pick up the day you called, not because I didn’t still love you. But a lifetime has happened since. How was I to fill you in, where was I to begin?

like a treasured yet comfortable keepsake, I had tucked you away. Distant memories flashed a do not disturb sign in my unsettled mind.

a snapshot, you were frozen frames in the reel of life. Young, long black hair flowing, petite and always from frame to frame in perpetual motion.

you often returned to me in dreams like the words to some lost but once favorite song.

we believed in fairytales then. We believed in love stories and happy endings. We believed we’d find our Prince Charming one day and live happily ever after.

perhaps my hesitation was a refusal to accept life’s changing seasons. You belonged to the spring not winter, the past not the future. Perhaps something more. Perhaps I knew in a split second my life would be changed forever.

perhaps I knew I would need to tell you how fairytales don’t always come true and you would need to tell me too.

The Queen has died

London Bridge has fallen

A fairytale has ended

No longer can we

Cling to naiveite

There’s simply a day

That separates yesterday

From today

I’m sorry

What did you say

I’ve narrated this way

For so long

How can we say goodbye

To childhood

It was a great ride.

We’ve arrived

And the Queen died

And I can’t say I cried

Twas only a fairytale anyway

However grim the end

But we go on and on

Someday

I’ll tell you a new tale

With a different ending

Till then

Stay out of reach

Let them reach out to you

No skin off your back

Playing devils’ advocate

It’s what you’re good at

Mysterious aloof

That beauty surrounds you

Is proof

You’ve come so far

Only to find

You’re back at the start

Wherever you are.



Fairytales come and go

But we go on and on

I’ll tell you a new tale

Someday

In a fairytale world without end

Amen.

When you’re gone
How do I know?  
I don't know  
But I do

When you are gone
I put on my sailor suit
Blood red, ghostly white, but mostly blue
Crawl into my crammed craft  
A waterbed of not smooth sailing, but I  
Implacable in a turbulent feeling sea
Unstoppable, scanning, searching
Bobbing and buoyant with the surf
Dodging everything in a cumbersome path
Until you are found

When you are gone
Other boats sail by
What is she looking for?
Do not try to rescue me, other-
I am not lost, except lost to you.

My ocean, my seafaring friend
Curious current, unstoppable is
carrying me
holding me kindly
in its unfathomable depth
Until you are found.

2.
Like a dog knows
When It’s owner is coming home
Home is all they know.
When the place where you are
is not home,
I become rabid,
Like a mad dog.
Anxious
Alarmed
Scared
Angry
Hurt
Weepy

When you are gone-
I am gone too- pieces of
Not knowing, yet knowing
I am one with the needy sea
Seeking into seaweed ravaged ravines.
Old stuck and sacred scars
Hastening my tale of woe and foe
Circling my desperation for you
entrenched in my sailor’s saga
Dry kicking feral fish jumping
Drinking thirsty spiraling
fastened to a chain-linked fence
in the middle of an empty and wise ocean
Until you are found

Dog tired and out of options
Exhausted and retched
There is only one place

In a dug-out of my own making
I open my eyes
What I see
Ambiguity
And I can't be there
I'm trying to be there
I can’t be there
I’m trying to be there
I can’t be there
I’m trying to be there
He's angry
She's angry
You're angry
I'm angry, then
sad and hurt
Who thought up this twisted plot
Some call it life
There are better plots
Are there not?

Mostly right now
I’m happy
Happier than ever  
But, temporal like an old wave
Sensing the shore
Sensing its own demise:
just a look
Or a look away is
A wave is a goodbye.
swallowed in the arms of mother-father
You’re gone
But, I'm happy right now
Why should my happiness depend on you?

I know it's not like that for you
Really, I don’t know anything
And it’s driving me crazy
A part of the ‘what plot’ I wrote
Conspiracies make me crazy
Not knowing makes me crazy
You are making me crazy
Yes, you
No, not me
It’s all your fault
Yes, you

Ambiguity is not a kind bedfellow
Did I say not kind
What I meant was; ambiguity is a piece of..
The puzzle, what did you think I was going to say.
I'm trying
Please forgive me
My meanness,
my neediness,
my clinging
my darling
  
the very best part of you
no meanness
None at all
You get choked up on hurt
And try sometimes
but really you can’t
the words come out all jumbled
as you try to defend, to no end
because you understand
It’s not you.
Don't think I'm putting you on a pedestal because I'm not
You could fall from a pedestal and get hurt
I'm a realist
Before all
Then a dreamer
Mostly a dreamer
If I’m being honest

3.
This I know
The essence of what you are
And the essence of what you are not
Not the particulars
Those like lost pieces of you
Are they
Lost for a reason?
Or forever.
I choked on the word
I don’t understand my need to tell you everything
As if my life depended on it
As if your life depended on it
I’m not competing
Believe me
This is as much me as it is you
I just don’t understand this cruel twist of fate

I want to think I wasn’t the author of this sad story
Where there are no good or bad characters,
no good or bad plots
Endless words of explanation
For all I know
It begins and ends here now
Maybe I really am just crazy

Just a word from you is all I ask
So I can sleep

4.
I’ll show this to you when the time is right
forget about everything for tonight
If my poem is out of tune
Out of words
Out of rhyme
I’ll write another
And another
And another
Until the ferocity is gone
And I can be peaceful.
This is my wish for you, too.
Why do I get this way when you’re gone?

Has love taken a back seat
To je ne sais quoi
How shall I say this?
How I say this
My poem of economy
Somewhat gossipy
Always honesty
Let it be twisted
Or sordid
Perplexing complexing
Say ultra-expressing
Let it be newly and lonely
Never a phony
Let it have rhythm and rhyme
And turn on a dime
Let it live a life
That’s never been lived before
Never been thrown across the dance floor
Never met a matador
Never wanted to
The bull an unwitting ambassador
What revelation, new sensation
Unique oration
Bow down imagination
This poem, this poem
Can it stand alone
Proud among giants
That cut to the bone
Better-known
With wit and gritstone
Birthing a milestone
Scripting a headstone
Will it leave a legacy?
For posterity
Or passions’ peculiarity
Who knows,

I have loved
So, have many other
If love has lost its’ meaning
No lovely line matters
Petitioning God on hands and knees
Just chatter
What revelatory point of view
Are you
If love has lost its meaning
No pretty poem will do.

Crepuscular creatures of comfort
Ensconced in your distant corner seat
With your paper folded and neat
Existential and conventional are you
Criss Crossing boxes of clues
Pigeonholed decoder of choose
Or not
Looking only for the clues that fit
Make it or break it or quit

I take my tea and sit
next to him
With a mischievous grin
I begin
I hope I’m not disturbing you
Which is exactly what I hope to do
Well not in a mean way
I was just hoping that I too could play
But this isn’t a game for two
I clearly haven’t a clue

Let’s approach it from another angle
Which is not exactly horizontal
Or vertical
But rather hysterically versatile
Or farcically upended and perhaps juvenile
Not the approach you should take
With one who is filling in boxes
Looking not
Not to make a mistake

Do you always finish your puzzles?
Say I
Oh yes says he
Perhaps with a spark of glee
Their numbered by degree of difficulty
You see
Oh really, say I, I didn’t know that
What number are you completing
This one is four
They change by the day.
Doesn’t everything
I think  
But, don’t say.

I play to keep my mind active
He offers.
Your talking to the horizontally damaged
Vertically challenged
I think
He continues
To keep things interesting
There are some days I only do the down boxes
Wow, I think
That’s really interesting
So god ****** interesting
That’s so interesting
I think I could choke on my tea
But excuse me
I think I have to ***.
Maybe the joke was on me.

My take away
If you want to complete the puzzle
Don’t look for someone who does the down boxes
On your up days
You’ll never be on the same page.

I continue to suffer, God
Separate from Your Infinite Awareness
Fetal and curled up inside myself
I continue the battle outside myself
Having not the honesty to face
What’s felt inside myself
Love, you have so long eluded me
Love tell me where you hide from me.
Intermittently you return to me
You are always felt like another
While I struggle to find you inside of me
Why is it only with another that I find me?
Peace and tranquility apart from me
So, God, if I ask these questions
And if I am you
So, must you too.
Is that why you created me
And the others I see
Could it be, ***
That I created you and
That you were lonely too?
Could we be
The ultimate entertainment for you
Or for me
Like characters on a moving screen
You gave us names
You gave us roles
You gave us means
But you forgot to tell us
It was only a game
You designed
To keep us entertained
That would be too cruel
So, I may have to overrule
That scenario, however
You really are the ultimate Lothario
Looking for love
In all the wrong places
Looking for love
In the crawl spaces of your mind
While you were dishing it out
You left some of us out
A Brahmin once said
Cease to cling to yourself
Who should you cling to when no one is there
I know I’ve misconstrued the point
It’s true and
If that is true and I am you
It is true for you too
So, you should cease to cling to me
Pretend if you can that you are me
And no one was there
What would you do?
Probably cling to you, too.
And I know there are more important things to say
But I’m just writing what comes up for me  
For God’s sake
Maybe it’s not pretty
Maybe it’s nitpicky
Who’s to say
And who are you anyway?
No disrespect intended
Covering my bases
Just in case
She turns out to be a he
With an ax to grind
Oh, nevermind!

The morning unclutched
Its clenched claw opened
The violet flame transmuted
Yesterday’s debris fueled the fire
Leaving space
For desire.
Pressing a memory foamed mind
To the edge of the bed
Elusively remembering the night
The depression you sank into
Worn without regret
Worn familiar from
Many nights before
Foam caging the day
Like clay.

New feet  
New hands to show the way
You are the way-shower
I will follow you
If you show me the way.

As much as you’d like to make light
Of the subject.
And I mean that
Always in a good way.
It still
Freaks me out.
In its stillness
Yes, I’m friggen
freaked out. No doubt
Too much clarity makes me
Wish I was blind. And I
Immediately take it back.
I know you don’t mind
Because I’m so **** superstitious,
and yet
Totally practiced
I’m writing on now
Paper-thin and one-sided
Without my glasses,
blurry and a bit lopsided.
With or without-
On a pale horse
I see you approaching.
And yet
I’m totally freaked out.
And yet,
Sometimes I feel
might it be-
a more comfortable
alternative?
And yet, adlibbing
How long will I be?
Freaked out
By the living.

Now
Sugar and a little cream
Palliative potion of comfort
Elixir of coffered considerations.
Contemplated and envisaged
Morning brews,
Propositioning sunsoothes
Particles.
Helios sweeping mightlight across
The metallic movingmorn
Undulating nightlight.
Topaz infused
Daydreaming muse
Stirs the digested amnesic night  
Drinks to
  
Apollo offline
Drinks to
The empty holy grail of evening,
While Helios slept.
Hallucinating prophecies of fleeting images,
Succulent hopes of happinesses
Drunken inhaled trippy
Folktales
Of lore
And lay.
Oracled god of prophecy
God of healing
God of poetry
Healing lyrical music medicine
Hear my poemprayer
Hear my prayerpoem
Drink to
Elixir of life
Elixir of love lost.
Drink to
The elixir of a childless day.

Does the weather know its' winter
the chill came promptly
on the winter solstice
breezy in your face
not yet cold
tissue paper blue and gold
threatened to fly away
I sat that day
contemplating nothing
in shades of blue and gold
and green
I mean
you always need a little green
contemplated the meaning of green
light green
is that what I mean
what do I mean
who's asking.

Stale Cupcake  
                            
Appearances can be so deceiving    
When your believing
Perceiving
That it’s all true

“Dive right in”
She said
The water’s fine
The icing’s sweet
A personal treat
I made it just for you.

It’s somewhat stale
But hey
You can’t succeed
Unless you’re willing to fail.

You’re my muse
How amusing
Everything you are not
Is what I want- yet
If that’s true
Why then do I want you?

Like negative numbers
You count in the wrong direction
Spurning my every affection.  
Wooed with an air of perfection.
Courting your familiarity
Secure in your sanctuary

This is the last poem I write for you
I’m through
But hey,
I may write for me
Perhaps to see
Clarity

So, dive right in
Anytime you’re ready
I’ve prepared a cocktail
To go with your coattail
It’s the flavor you like
A recipe I discovered, uncovered  
Mothered and smothered
My childlike
Nature,

lover

At the heart of the matter
There’s an empty core
That only you can fill

You are the space that fills my dreams
The dreams that fill my nights
Ticklish afternoon delights
Butterflies and roses
Champaign mimosas
Overexposed prose
That never discloses

My sweet and sour song
An order of egg foo yong
I tried
I really tried

Lover

Don’t wait too long
The cupcakes gone.
Stale.
And nobody loves a stale cupcake.

So baby,
Would you like to see?
Angry me
Well, ok here it is
I’ll tell you now
How it’s going to be
You listen to me
Agree or disagree
It doesn’t matter to me
Here’s the good news
You’ll never get the blues
The blues are so old news to me
I scream
I cry
I shake my head why
Then deny that this could ever be
Don’t get me wrong
I just want to die to what is
You must listen to me
Because I’m your muse
Only with me will you be free
And only I allow you to see
Agree or disagree
It means nothing to me
You lie
You deceive
You pretend to be
Something you’re not
You need to get down on your hands and knees
And pray to be
The you, you need to be
My truth is tainted with anger
But my anger is always the truth
Agree or disagree
It really doesn’t matter to me
You have nothing to say
So, you might as well pray

Because I’m not writing you a love song
I don’t have it in me
But I can see more clearly
Than I ever did before and
All the disparate parts of me
Their all part of a whole
And not some disassociated part of me

I’m so sad to not love you anymore
But there will always be a part of me
So, baby
You need to get down on your hands and knees
Because you have nothing to say
You might as well pray
Because I’m not writing you a love song
I don’t have it in me
Because you don’t see
What’s right in front of your eyes
You tell lies
And you don’t listen to me anyway.

I’ve heard goodbye before
When you slammed the proverbial door
This time I think I really mean it.

Someday you'll fall down on your knees
and say a Hail Mary to she.
For all the beliefs
To which you wed
The prison bars
That kept you fed
But you're dead
Like the force-fed lies
you cannot shed
like the frozen fish
you refuse to eat
Maybe it's the meat of a ferocious tiger
You need the heat
Exposing the atrocities
devouring the monstrosities
inside.

Say hail to Mary
Hail to the chief
Hail to those the shed
the imaginary bars that bind
Hail to those
Left behind
Hail to those
That hitch a ride
on a star.
for just a while
and
Just idle.


While all the while
the ridgosities abound
And there's no way around
The mounds and mounds of
Institutionalized
Idiocrasies
Idiosyncracies
That cling on
Like Clingon
To all
the inside
Lies
Lies
Lies

Seems so obvious
When I think about it
That I’ve been operating from the wrong end
Surely that would explain why
So many cautious Cartesian carts
Are leading their stupid stubborn mules
Down a hard rock road
Yes, you like it
When I lose control and balk and kick
Call you names
Act insane
Act like a fool
You can feel the pain, feed the pain
Better than feeling nothing at all
How do I separate from you
Is it even possible to do
Being such an essential, as backward ingredient
In vain are you
So I talk to you
As if you were real, here, mine
It’s the law of assumption
I assume
Do I assume too much of you
This isn’t what I set out to do
Everyone has taken everything from me
I had to set some boundaries because some have none
Their machinations
Aren’t so obvious
Thieves and robbers without guns and masks
Is one better than the other
Or are they the same
They take and take and take and take
Till there’s nothing left
And when the supply has run dry
They disregard
I hate to think
You did the same
Because you enjoy the pain
Just not yours
Balk all you want
Then pause your balking
And your nice talking
Your nonsense
Your rationalizations
Abounding
You want the truth
I want the truth
That’s it
You are the tip of some frozen iceberg
I’ve joked and choked on your lies
Try again
In some other life
This time, if you can
Let’s be truthful
I may be hiding in a poem
But you’ve disguised yourself so well
In your own song
That you don’t even recognize you
Am I being mean to you baby
Maybe is all I can say
When you graduate from kindergarten
If you’re a good boy
If you behave yourself
And stop lying to yourself
Take off your mask
Turn in your guns
Walk back, talk back
Come back
As you are
Or just stay away


Did you know you have to own a white colored car
To order from the Starbucks drive-thru in Boca
It’s true
They made a corporate decision
If you want to run with the A crowd
It’s ok if you do
But, you had better trade in your many shades of grey
They’re so not you
You, you’re so true
Through and through
Don’t ask what did you do
You did nothing
Nothing.
Nothing at all

You’re as hard as a rock
Stubborn as a mule
And I’m tired of being a fool

If you’re so smart
Why do you tell so many lies?
Why the disguise.
I feel you balking.
Balk you too.

There I feel better.

I remember Mama
When the primal scream
Was all the rage.
Ironically and quite literally
Past the somberness and nervousness
You felt
At my unwelcome birth
As I took my first
Battered baby breath
Bursting baby life, once again
Cradle the crib that rocks
Cradle the baby that walks too soon
And talks too little
Cradle the crescendo of emotional wreckage
To follow
As baby after baby
Took its emotional toll on you
Cradle a lifetime of wanting
Looking in every lost and found
For you

This is the conversation continued
Distilled with candor
Comported with clarity
Time has imparted
More real
Less resentment

I can see now
Your displeasing wasn’t personal
Even as it felt that way to me
My gains may have been small
But they were big to me

So many years have come and gone
I’ve learned once again to stand on my own
Yet still, I question if that’s true
I guess in some ways
We were alike
Me and you
But,
There were so, so many differences

I lived tucked away
In ephemeral world of ideas and thoughts
So many books
So many mysteries.

Not by choice
Headfirst, I came in that way
You lived in the world of 3d-
Kids, diapers, doctors and such-
Yes, I know how it sounds
But you would be wrong
I was never a snob
I wanted to share everything
You didn’t want to know anything
You never asked
And I never offered

I needed you to paint me with the colors of love
And not the color of green
I needed you to love
Not envy me
To make me right not wrong
For being me
And not you.

I needed you to see me.
This though
Through the eyes of love.

I needed to forgive you
To forgive me
For all the resentment I felt.
And I wanted to say
In my own way
I am grateful that I
Chose you to be
The mother in me.

And I cried
When I wrote this poem
Because it was
So close to home.

Seasons are quickening
Redshifting streaking  an ebony sky
Hurling meteoric handballs
Through the space of no time
Someone’s shuffling the deck of days
Reading the hearts and spades as they play
One turning into the other
The other turning into one
Diamond heart of antiquity
Crisp-clear seeds piercing crystal clouds
Torrents of thinking tears falling
Heaven's warehouse of available thought
Flooding the worn weary  
Seeking shelter
From themselves
Speeding down the highway of no time
Chasing summer
Chasing spring
Summer’s silence shouts from an empty rooftop
You’re an orphan now
‘How can this be’
You cry out
An echo reverberates
‘What was that you said’
Old man winter slugs through
The showy season heavy
Looking for the one that got away.
One doesn’t necessarily follow the other
Measured thought collapses onto itself
He doesn’t know it
And is okay
It’s warp speed
And a slow grind
At the same time
Summer was wrong
You’re destiny’s child.

So you, 're a materialist
Who wants to be a spiritualist
Who thinks she's a linguist
When she's not thinking of
Being kissed
I'm ******
What am I?
Do I even exist?

Does your conventional mindset
Upset yet comfort you
Your constraint
A mental constraint
Stronger than….
Our man of steel
Who came to us
From another galaxy
Outside the solar system
And landing on planet earth
Stoically foretold
Of dire warnings
And consequences to come
For all dastardly misdeeds
Misinformed misanthropes
Past heroes of misfortune
And misdirection.
Have you met your doomsday?
Scenario
Take off the shackles of the past.
Extraordinario.
Superman Of the future
You are here now.
And now is all there is.

Don’t you know
If you go down in the battle
We all go down
You fall
I fall
We all fall down.
And London bridges too.

Who needs company?
Not me
You see
I’m sitting here by myself
I have given my self away
All of my life
I have walked my self
Down the aisle of discontent
I have made vows
I can’t keep
Hung only from boughs
Within my reach
All my life
I’m taking my self back
My solo status intact
My backs to the wall
Lover, you’re fading
Like a dying sunset
Then you’re back  
Then gone
Ephemeral like a dream
My mind is broken
Shards of disbelief
My heart is barely there
Heartbroken and
Mindbroken
Alone and frozen
Only the frozen can shatter
Only the frozen crave the warmth
Who needs company?
When you’re a soloist
Lover, you’re fading
I have had to shut you down
As I have shut them all  
One by one, each alone room
I have turned off all the lights
It’s a dark house
Then as now
A haunting by hurting
Day and endless nights
I have braved the hollowed halls
There where
Scary monsters live  
One by one I turned away
Shut them down
I’m a soloist
Who needs company?
Who knows that better than you
Not many live there
You forced my hand
You’re my alter ego
I have knelt in your darkness
Your coldness
Your distance
For too long
As now
As then
You want a little warmth
Then look around you
They have left you
Alone
What could be better for a soloist like you
You can’t always have it your way
Hubris you say
You work so hard
For moments like these
They have left you
Because you have left them
In the same way
You have left me
So, I’m turning off the lights
It’s quite uncomplicated
You left
So I left
I’m not leftovers
If you want leftovers
Save last night’s dinner
Nothing like leftover- whatever
You’re a soloist, too
I get it
Monsters live in you too
I get it, but
Should you be alone in the dark
With all those inner demons
Tell you what
They’re not so scary
If you stand up to them
Just say boo like you mean it
They scare too
I’m a soloist like you
You scare so easily
Scaredy cat
Cats too are alone  
Except in some needy feline moment
Rare but they’re there
Now as then
You’re fading
Soon you’ll be gone
And I’ll be all alone
Soloist don’t hang with the flock
So
Bye, bye birdie
Where do all the dead birds go
No rhyme
No reason
No time
No season
Bye, bye birdie
My flights about to take off
I’ve overcome my fear of flying
So, I’ll go it alone

What did I do to deserve this?
I died and no one was there
Perhaps a gentle knowing
Foretold the ending of despair.

Cocooned in a velveteen darkness
A peignoir of shimmering stars
A constellation of good nights
Echoed from afar

I but not I
Crawled on all fours
Over pillows of stone, then
Laid on a bed of time
Above me the pine
Silhouetted on a black canvas sky
Has the baby bird earned its wings?
When finally able to fly.

I but not I
I am the pine above me
And the ground where I lie
And the darkness that surrounds me
And the void into which I died

I but not I
Am you
The self of all selves
Am I
And the magpie and the fly.

Still the night
Alienated from the day
Still the mind
Alienated from the thought
Still, and
If you’re very quiet
You can hear the night reply
With a whimper and sigh-
Dreams are meant for dreamers.
Tis the nights’ lullaby.

And as I gazed upward
Infinity split inside me-
Just to go where it wants to go
Just to be what it wants to be.

My God, I’ve been blind
But now I can see.

Ivory Tower

I was raised in an ivory tower
Above a thunderous cloud
Kept far away,  
Far from the maddening crowd
For your own protection, they avowed
If you care to know why I cower,
I’ll tell you why I do
(And when I speak of me
I hope you will see
It could be you, too.)
It was a time of herbal scents
and flower power
I experienced it from aloft,
It wasn’t love and peace I knew
But a stained-glass window
Covered in frost.

When at last there was a clearing
And I saw my chance to run
I grabbed what I could to survive
And headed for some fun
With someone, anyone
It didn’t much matter
I was out of the tower
Away from the clatter


Here’s where the tale gets a little twisted
I soon found myself back where I started
Only this time I was a Mrs.
A new me
A new you
This is what I thought
But it was only a new tower
And not the freedom that I sought.

None of this was known to me  
As I think you might have guessed
Reality being what it is
It all went unexpressed.

The cycle kept going
Round and round
Until pain was all I felt
Then,
Something must have happened to me
Something came undone
The only way to explain it
Everything was fun

It shocked my hapless heart
And stunned my tired soul
Laughter was all I knew
Laughter left me whole

I laughed everywhere I went
I must have looked quite mad
I saw the humor in everything
And that really isn’t bad

So

What to do?
How many prisons have we created
To find the freedom we’ve forsaken
I couldn’t see
I was counting on you
When it was always me.

I have contemplated the meaning of life
As if contemplation imparts meaning or depth
As if meaning imparts meaning
or depth.

Then in linguistic merriment
I leapt
Ad Infinitum
Ad nauseum
Ad lib
Ad absurdum
Life as a language
Ad verbum
And round and round I went
Always Looping back to myself
Then in one grand sweeping motion
I deferred to you
Life
Where and then
I came to rest
Always different
Yet always the same

I have contemplated the meaning of life
As if there were somewhere to be
Someplace to go
A vagabond’s journey
How funny
A lesson learned
A righteous rule
A digital ballroom
A barroom brawl
Y’ all
A loveall.
And I have contemplated the meaningless of life
Just something to do
Perhaps better than nothing  
Nowhere to go
No roadmap to get there
Except
Here where
You are
Life
Love
I am.

God picked up a pitchfork
Jabbing me in the gut
All the while shouting
Get out of your rut

Startled, I said
God you’re supposed to be
Gentle and loving
Said God
“You’re right.
If you think this bad
Wait till you see what’s coming.”

“What, what, what,”
I stammered.

Pointing his finger at me, he said
“You’re not through
I have other plans for you.”

The Almighty was so irreverent
It was hard to tell
He was Heaven sent.

And
That’s the way the story goes
Sometimes he’s nice
Sometimes he’s not
Try to remember
What you might have forgot

God always shows mercy to his flock.

Why does the night cry?
Beneath a char colored marshmallow sky
Perfectly fitting the black-tied blind eyed
Soireed
Night by
Bye and bye

As an angry sky decried
Stratified and moody clouds pass by
They ask you to
Not ask why
Knowing you need to cry
Saw you hunch your shoulders
You were so very tense
You started to roar
Electric fly-by outcry

Then you tensely
Cocked your head to one side
Felt as empty as summer days
Where the light was so bright
You thought you would vanish
In a summer haze
Eminently either a flood or a roar
Helplessly, unpredictably more and more
And nothing more.  
And then-
It happened
It started to pour.

And  
As morning dawned
You understood why.
But it was too late
To reinstate
Bye and bye.

so to you too
always you too
too, too, too, too
too many twos
what about duets
and too toos
i stray
not like that brat
Slide one
how to get to you
never was a way
there was
of this i was sure
could i find
an open door
whats behind the green door
i get it
you didn't want to go for a ride
around the block
was all i asked
and whats behind
whats behind
behind that
i,m such a nut
tracing you back
to before
you were you
Dead Wood
be a friend to you
if only i could
***
haven't even gotten to slide two
and i'm *******
Slide Two
Tracing you back to me
Somehow I thought i could
you slammed every door in my face
what did i ever do to you
to deserve
this
how could you do this to me
Slide three
someday i'll be found
wandering aimlessly around
then i'll say
leave me alone
i'm going home
and don't want to be found
for my home is far away
and this is just a temporary stay
Slide Four

I’m a vindictive *****
And I know it
Revengeful, self-referential
Must I settle each perceived injury
Not done to me
Why can’t I let it go
I know it’s not personal
Maybe this is terminal
Till death do us part
Married to my Swinehart
But I’ll be ******
Whenever I get the chance
I’ll settle the score
At a glance
If my confessional is not very professional
If this is the spiritual path
Must have taken a wrong turn
Into a wrath bath
Bathed in bloodbath
My embers stoked
I go up in smoke
Why do I spew venom
Wrong way to heaven
This way to hell
Do tell
Of my own making
No use faking
I want to be in awareness
Then my demon mind takes command
And Demands
Vengeance.
Yes, I fancy myself some evolved person
While I’m cursing the driver
That just cut me off
I try to be like Eckert Tolle
Instead, I’m Ebenezer Scrooge
**** I thought I left it all behind
Said whatever came to mind
No matter how unkind
What is wrong with me
What ******* road am I on
I’m sure I’m the princess I imagined myself to be
Must in a parallel reality that I see
Or my insane mind sabotaging me
I tried blaming it on my parents for hundreds of years
Had the backing of my siblings
They often brought to tears
Nothing like a gang mentality
To bolster your insanity
That didn’t work
When I realized
I was the only ****
I choose the whole ******* thing
What was I thinking
Totally lost on a one way
Going the wrong way
I’m sure I’ll see the light soon
But it won’t be white light
Right light
Red light instead
Sirens of insanity
Barons of humanity
Come to right the wrong
While my slightly out of tune song
Blares obliviously
Unconsciously
Along.
When will the anger be gone?

Remaining in a state of suspended animation
While life goes on before me
But I, like the thinker
That stonecold
Untouchable
Nobody
That resides
In the stonecold
Emptiness of nothingness
Strangely where it all began
Void of my happiness
And touchiness
A nothingness
That knows itself as everything
Who are you?
You pretend to be God
All knowingness
Then you pretend to be me
All neediness
Who are you?
I have pled
And I have pleaded
And beseeched your help
You kept the mirror held up
I didn't fall in love
With me

So, I’m asking you, God
They tell
Do tell
You tell me
To love me
You love me
Till I love me
We can never be
Then why God did you create me?
For company?
Please answer me.

Do I have your attention
Darling
Can I shake you
Till I wake you

Have you lived up to
All your impossible dreams
get rich quick schemes

Have you landed on the moon
In the middle of a monsoon
swept up in moondust
lover of gold dust.

Watched the flame
Flicker in shadow
Against the blacked-out tv screen
Thought about duality
Are we more reflection or flame
or
Is that the problem
Forever wanting to give it a name
Define it
Refine it
Sign it
Dissect to understand it

Remember when
Darling
I remember
there was wholeness
and funness
I'm an old-fashioned stance
I remember romance
I remember you.

Do you, Dear Sam
At times goes so far inside of you
That the landscape appears as magical
Carved of Imagination
Against the angst of uncertainty
And consternation
It has to be this way, Sam
For a song
A poem
A painting
To choose, to create

The multiverse cast
A *** pourri past
With a mind so vast
Yet

Yet
Yet
From my seat
On the coach, Sam
Where I imagined
That you liked me
And it was magical
We talked
What a strange conversation we had
I know
You said what you really believe.
Stranger still
I know.
I answered with unpracticed honesty.
Can this be so?
Or is it
Only imagination
I know.
Sam.

Need a clean brake
why do they always try to put me
in my place
what is this status madness
life's not measured in
increments and fancy wines
donut holes and dollar signs
don't package me up
with your morning cup
caffeine adrenalin junkies
morning rush
morning hush, hush
i'll see what you mean
if you mean to be seen
or not
so let it out
scream and shout
all the hurt you feel
searching for what's real

have i come to a mission
missionary of light
who determine's
what's wrong or right
god is closer to you in the night

hush, hush
little baby
momma was always there for you
always tried to care for you
my ways are mysterious
but i'm not delirious
now i'm furious
need to get back to kindness.

You choose.
Determinism or free will?
Are you an orange clock?
Destiny or not.
Many choices collapse
Then there were two.
I saw through the looking glass
Reflections there
Only were you.  
Could it be any other way?
I don’t know.
Can’t say
If it was
It wouldn’t be a choice.
And it was
Just because.
You chose.

Spooky night, spooky night
Sometimes I feel good enough
To write.
A song
Tonight
Sometimes
If you don’t disturb the sleeping giant
-Yikes-
You disturb the night.

Putting the censor to sleep
Go to sleep, go to sleep
Spooky night
Sleep tight

Sleep the unveiling
Of what
Nots
Necessarily right
But true
Can you
Lie in your sleep
As you lie in your sleep
Do you
Know wrong from right
In your sleep
Oh spooky night
You can but
-Not lie-

So what if
I made you up
You are a muse after all
(How many there are
I can’t recall)
So, what
If you ever read fiction?
You know
There needs to be some friction
So, I thickened the plot
Like it or not
Just my imagination

Didn’t do any harm
Just me being me
Always
Imagining.

So, what’s up
Was I
Too abrupt
Too you
Too me
Oh god
How can this be

I think I need to throw up
What a spooky night of love.

1.
The child is petulant
The terrible twos
Lasted 42 years
Then along came the teenage years
She was always in tears
It’s not that baby
Refuses to grow up
Doesn’t want to grow up
Maybe she’s scared
Somebody gave the baby a bottle
She seemed fine for awhile
Then something erupted inside her
Where did that come from?
Where is it going?
How long before we get there?
Are we there yet?
How long before we get there?
On and on and on
The baby never shuts up
Blah, blah, blah
Then along came the tears  
Then blah, blah, blah
You can hear her even when she isn’t saying anything
That’s when you hear her the loudest
She doesn’t understand what you mean
Are you trying to tell her
She’s not good enough?
What does a baby know about not being good enough?
She only did what comes naturally
And signed it with love
No one believed her
Well you know how kids are
Short-term memory
And all that
She’ll forget about it
Sooner or later
Maybe then she’ll learn some manners
Learn to not speak her truth
Learn to pretend
Like everyone else
You don’t trust her
You should trust her
She never lied to you
She’s so bothersome
Why be bothered
Shut up
Shut up
Shut up
Would it be better if she said
Hush
Hush baby
Don’t cry, darling
I’m here
I’ll always be here
So hush
Don’t cry, baby
Baby don’t cry
(That works)
Go where you want to go, darling
I’ll always be there for you
(that works even better)
2.
Will she ever come out of the shadows?
Reminds her of a spooky soap opera
The Shadows
“The shadows don’t lie”
In a Rod Sterling voice
She never watched soap operas
Except at a Chinese buffet
As a captive audience
On a barely audible screen
Slurping Chinese noodles
Almost better than spaghetti
Don’t cry, baby
Don’t cry
It’s just a story
A narrative
Not necessarily true
But true if it’s true
Not out of necessity
True
Forget it
She’s crying again
She just feels sorry for herself
All the time
She’ll get over it
Babys always do.

1.
My socks always find a match
Since you’re gone
And I seemed to have inherited a few odd pairs
Not mine
From inside the broken washing machine
Stacked but not old
(Wish I could say the same for me)
Five years to be exact
That’s from Dave
Who manages my cranky rental
The only home we never share in 35 years
It’s been nine months
Since I found you there
Lying on your bed
Your mobile phone still in your hand
Your knee bent skyward
The soft warm blanket
I laid on you
Kicked to the foot of the bed

Were you dialing heaven honey?
Ahead of your arrival

You didn’t respond to my screams
Although you may have heard them
From some heavenly realm

Since you’re gone
I’ve been through
Too many to count
Boxes of tissues
From the dollar store.

You remember it as the dollar store
But Honey did you know
It’s now a dollar twenty-five  
The cost of inflation
And it hasn’t been that long
Since you’re gone.

It may all make sense to you now
Not to me
We were supposed to grow old together
Really old
You would be ninety-five before the unthinkable happens
But life had other plans
Best laid
I couldn’t say

What do I do from here?
Where do I go
What can I say
You did it all
Work
Shop
Cook
Clean

You never gave up the reins
You never could
And I
Clinging on for dear life

Since you’re gone
My scrambled eggs taste flat
Thank God for microwaves and salsa
I don’t buy those small cupcakes
That you and I shared over morning coffee
You know the tasty ones from Publix
With loads of icing
Piled high
That sticks to the roof of your mouth
Like peanut butter.
And I only have one jar of garlic
In the spice cabinet
Not ten like we used to
No, the cranky rental didn’t come with a spice cabinet
I’m good with salt and pepper
Occasionally garlic

Casper lives with me now
He snores as you did
Sometimes in the night
I think the poor dog is you
Comforting to hear his soft doggy sounds
Funny
Little things mean so much to me now.
2.
Just the other day
A dragonfly
Passed so nearby
And you are so far away
Can anyone know why
A butterfly flapped her wings
In search of an appetite
She’ll never have
Can anyone tell me why
He had to die.

Time it heals all wounds
So they say
Yet, there are lazy afternoons
Where all I can do is pray

A fervid prayer
For your return
Left me a basketcase
Of slash and burn
Slash and burn

Yesterday but a memory
We frolicked, we loved
We're children at play
N tiptoed away the youth
Of our day
Day after day

Love, oh love
Where have you gone
Do you think of me still
In the silent reverie of dawn
Time it heals all wounds
So, they say
Yet the line that connects time
Could never feel this way

Where are you now, love
Someday
Somehow love
Will you ever again
Walk through my door
That way
The way you did before

Day after day
I pray
For your return
A basketcase
Of slash and burn.
Slash and burn

Waiting for a song
beyond right or wrong
where are the notes
where is the song
there is a song
of this I am certainly right
there
make a little space baby
go into the liquid night

doesn't have to be me
doesn't change much for me
just make a little space
put your head down
take off your imaginary crown
let it all fall down
let it hit the ground
where it's soft and round
you won't die baby
maybe beyond right or wrong
why are you kissing me waiting
for a song
that never comes?

Hived robotic masses
Hypnotic msm watching mind-altered
Scripted minions of
False and fake truth
Wake up
Wake up
Wake up

The war is real
Know it how it’s felt

Truth is real
Know it how it’s felt

The cameras are pointing at you
Please don’t pose and take a selfie

Oblivious to the creepy crawlers,
Bug-eyed, bug-sized and
Detonated.

Shoot them when they’re not looking
Don’t get me started on
Those that pose
For the camera
(Not You)

Neurotic synapses missing a few
Beats-projectiles
Looking for connections everywhere
Everywhere
Finding a few.

The Queen Bee
Who does she think she is?
Sam, I tell you
If you give her an inch
She wants a yard
Not just a yard
The whole nine yards.
Sam
She said
If I questioned her authority
She’d bite off my head
Get over yourself I said
I’m dead to your threats
Get diva down
She said she’d turned the corner
And was headed down the home stretch
Home free
Was she?
We’ll see.

Here is how I see it, Sam
You only have authority over yourself
At the risk of repeating myself
Get over yourself
Am I right Sam?
And by virtue of the authority
Invested in me by Me  
I declare myself a sovereign something
A sober sometime
A soulful somebody
With a song in my heart
That only you can hear.
When we’re apart.

Is it true Sam?
That the known
Can never know the Knower.
And while they’re one and the same
It’s such a shame
That control is the name of the game
It’s no mystery
This has been known
Throughout history.

Between you and me Sam
We see the world for what it is.
While we see the world
For what it could be.
Perfect harmony
-Perhaps-
Sam
If you’re a bit bored
Throw in a little discord
To fight the ire
Or fuel the fire
Throw in a little red
To never be bitter
Throw in a little glitter
Because oh
We are so fancy
Yes, we are.
We are.

Sam
Who does she think she is?
But wait,
Sam
Could she be me
From the point of view
Of Infinity?

Laughter and rueful tears
Welcome to the party of pity  
Where all is not, not as it appears
Where there, come as you are
And not as you appear to be
The child is clinging to you
Warmed by the fire of your fears
I have felt the chill
In your stone-cold eyes
Telling me
Not to come near
But nay
Pass the event horizon
A confluence of consciousness
Beckons me there
Like vapid air
Felt the nothingness there
Swept without resistance
Where the fires of love’s ardor
Threaten your very existence
While the abyss of your lair
Laid bare
Loves insistence
The coat closet of your don’t-mind
Where there
Is no room there
To let
Nothing to know
Nothing to let go.

A cosmic joke or masterstroke?

Squeezed between now and forever
A rosary of pearly nows
Denizens of now
Needless
Of refection, reflect
Somehow
Lost in the dark abyss of nothingness
You find your way out
Somehow.

Never mind, never mind
I’ve forgotten to think
Maybe I never knew how
What kind of thought is that
Can one take a thought back?
Oh never mind
But since I’m very kind
Take it back
I said to no one there
Sure hope it’s a white rabbit hole I went down
And not black
Don’t think I can deal with that
Take me back
To home on the range
For the insane
Where I learned to survive
In order to stay alive
Now I’m only looking for kind
So never mind, never mind
Nostalgia is maudlin
You felt like a pawn in
A game of chess
Let me guess
Your greatest fear come true
Someone who understands you
So many pens
Don’t get hung up on the words
And none of them work
You’re such a ****
But I still like you
Who?
Oh, never mind, never mind
I like who I am
So Play it Again Sam.

Some say
We lost our way
When it was
This or that way
I say
We lost our way
When we forgot
It was all a play
When the flower
I painted blue
Lost her pedals
Turned into an abstract *****
And I was ok with you
But you forgot how to play
And that is why
My stars are twinkling
And yours are fading away.
Doesn't have to be that way
But that's the way it is
Some say.

You romanticize glamour
and wear it like armor
It's a tight fit
You really should quit.
Like I did.

She said laughingly.

The morning woke
The world woke
The sun woke
He, she, they
We all woke
Conjugating the morning
Even the shapeshifters woke
Are we all not shapeshifters?
In the legacy of time
Spiraling ever faster
Destinations unknown
Extinction or resurrection
No one knew
Maybe a prescient few
They weren’t saying

I remember mama
Those were the days
Do you remember mama
The days before
Gloves and masks and social distancing
A coronation of germs
Belied a nation of fears
Staying at home
Masking the tears

Do not come near
Printed on the masked faces
A grocery cart
Wiped clean of degradation
Marking the space
Keeping us
Seemingly safe
An aisle of suspicion
Grabbing a tissue
To weep
Or
Wipe away yesterday’s
Issue
The goofy man
Standing at the gate
With newfound authority
Barking out orders
The new rules of late
Exchanging amused glances
With the shopper behind me
Has it come down to this
Somethings amiss.

The kind got kinder
The mean got meaner

Do you remember, mama?
Those were the days
How I wish I could say
good old days

Every generation
Had its trials and tribulations
A fight for liberation
From all the masks
That shaped  
Inspiration.

I didn’t understand yours
Do you understand mine?

I’m staying at home, Mama
It’s where you wanted me to be
To allay all the fears
You never discussed with me.

Are we all not shapeshifters
Of the third kind?
Masking the wounds
Of another time?
Looking for liberation
In all the wrong places
Where all you had to do
Was look inside of you
If you dared

I remember Mama
And I think I understand  
Now.

I would tell you
If I could
How
Just how
Neurotic this life could be
Why the whole world is in a state of PTSD.
Of the worst kind
Between you and me
An alien invasion
Would seem a social occasion
These days
Will Phoenix rise from the ashes?
Are we all going to hell
In a handbasket?
Wondering what creative works will arise
Out of the ashes of humanity
Some forged in the fires of hell
Some catapulted into a brothel of insanity
Some say we’ll get through this
Some lost in the 3d matrix

Baby wants to go swimming
How neurotic can this life be
So at the end of the day
With thick bolts of lighting
Streaking fury
Across the night sky
Not a night to go swimming, but
Baby always gets her way

She is never where you are
Except even you, I regret
Can be an invasion of sorts
Like one trying to get out of ones’ own head
Here where she thought she’d share it all with you
Instead

Whether or not
You wanted to hear
What she wanted to say
I’d say not
It only matters that
Baby gets her way
And at that
she’s so good
Reasonable
Sensible
Demanding
Annoying
And somewhat cute
She pouts and sighs
And cries, cries, cries
Pity. Pity, pity
Oh pity me
Baby nurtures her pity
Like a fine cup of tea

How many permissions does she need?
We all have our boundaries
Trespassers all
Yours suffocate me
You pounded on middle c
Choked on conventionality
Exalted banality
never acknowledged egality
You doused the fire
Put out desire
How unreasonable of me
To think
We could ever be
Like a lion and a canary
And a cage to come home to
I really didn’t know you.

You apologized to everyone but me
Oh baby
Please forgive me  
I was wrong and
I promise
You believe me
Please don’t leave me.
I’m down on my hands and knees
Begging you, please.

You can
Cry me a river
If you can’t forgive her
Then serve one master, sir
I defer  
let it be her

Don’t cry for me Argentina
If I’m not leanin
your way

You’re quite pathetic
But don’t let it
Get in your way
Baby.

How neurotic can this life be?
These were all parts of her
Some she wasn’t so proud of
But what of it
We’ve all been there
Except for the saints before us
Whose halos get a little tarnished
From all the lies they’ve garnished
What of it, even
God doesn’t go around with a halo
On his head
Or does she?

Just a story
You don’t have to believe it
But. I know you do
Because it’s true

And that was her story
And now that’s his story.