Remaining in a state of suspended animation
While life goes on before me
But I, like the thinker
That stonecold
Untouchable
Nobody
That resides
In the stonecold
Emptiness of nothingness
Strangely where it all began
Void of my happiness
And touchiness
A nothingness
That knows itself as everything
Who are you?
You pretend to be God
All knowingness
Then you pretend to be me
All neediness
Who are you?
I have pled
And I have pleaded
And beseeched your help
You kept the mirror held up
I didn't fall in love
With me

So, I’m asking you, God
They tell
Do tell
You tell me
To love me
You love me
Till I love me
We can never be
Then why God did you create me?
For company?
Please answer me.

I am that I am
Not what I am not

Just the same
Looking down &
Flying low
The angel of intention
Wants you to know
Of all the millions,
Trillions of stars in the sky
You are the lone star
That knows why
You prayed for a reason
It wasn’t the season
As reason is the long way home
And you’ve been so long alone,
And
You see the why for and the how
And the love that is now.
The season of reason has come and gone
No abstract equation
Tome of persuasion
Looking for answers
Out there occasion
Can be found.

To be
The love that is now
That knows no limits
Eternal and limitless
Somehow
How forgiveness is meaningless
Your innocence is all that I see
Into the green, some scene somewhere
I’m never alone
Without you
I think I’ll go on living
What for?
Is life worth living?
Down to the bitter end
An illusion or metaphor?
Each day worth waiting for
I know not what
Have no answers,  
Only questions.

Love
Can I call you mine?
Are you a force?
A river that can’t be stepped into twice
Never the same
But, glorious
  
I hope you forgive me my sins, then
As I know there are many
If only I knew
What to do
Believe me, I’d do it
  
A kernel of truth offended
Upended you
I never meant to hurt you.
I’m trying to be more like you.
I put on my man shirt
And man pants
Refused to dance
And didn’t say a thing
Will that do?
Perhaps you’ll say
What’s gotten into you
Mirror on the wall
This isn’t like you at all
I know, I know
I just don’t know what to do
I’m a little lost
Without you.

  
I’m grappling in the dark
With multiplicity
Shattered pieces of my broken reflection
Sugar-coated intention?
Angels are creatures of invention.
I thought you knew
A treaded needle
To sew the discord
A recurrent chord to please
Amplifies my ardor
And then I want to kick you
Into kingdom come
Wishing it over and done

Crowds of chaos and
Cranial confusion
Contusions of caked-on batter
A battering ram
Aimed at my head
I’m dead
To all the illusion
Stuffed in a too-small space
And all the other ones
Like counting crumbs
Coming home
Labeling all the soup cans
On the pantry shelf
For future reference
Bringing the outdoors in
Where windows of light
Singe the demons of the dark
Conspiring to keep apart
My hopeless heart
Hurts
Although I know
We’re all one
Why do I feel so separate and alone
One mind creating fairytales
Out of pixie dust
Out of stone
Will my time ever come?
Are you still on the run?

It doesn’t seem to matter anymore.

Laughter and rueful tears
Welcome to the party of pity  
Where all is not, not as it appears
Where there, come as you are
And not as you appear to be
The child is clinging to you
Warmed by the fire of your fears
I have felt the chill
In your stone-cold eyes
Telling me
Not to come near
But nay
Pass the event horizon
A confluence of consciousness
Beckons me there
Like vapid air
Felt the nothingness there
Swept without resistance
Where the fires of love’s ardor
Threaten your very existence
While the abyss of your lair
Laid bare
Loves insistence
The coat closet of your don’t-mind
Where there
Is no room there
To let
Nothing to know
Nothing to let go.

A cosmic joke or masterstroke?

Squeezed between now and forever
A rosary of pearly nows
Denizens of now
Needless
Of refection, reflect
Somehow
Lost in the dark abyss of nothingness
You find your way out
Somehow.

1.
The child is petulant
The terrible twos
Lasted 42 years
Then along came the teenage years
She was always in tears
It’s not that baby
Refuses to grow up
Doesn’t want to grow up
Maybe she’s scared
Somebody gave the baby a bottle
She seemed fine for awhile
Then something erupted inside her
Where did that come from?
Where is it going?
How long before we get there?
Are we there yet?
How long before we get there?
On and on and on
The baby never shuts up
Blah, blah, blah
Then along came the tears  
Then blah, blah, blah
You can hear her even when she isn’t saying anything
That’s when you hear her the loudest
She doesn’t understand what you mean
Are you trying to tell her
She’s not good enough?
What does a baby know about not being good enough?
She only did what comes naturally
And signed it with love
No one believed her
Well you know how kids are
Short-term memory
And all that
She’ll forget about it
Sooner or later
Maybe then she’ll learn some manners
Learn to not speak her truth
Learn to pretend
Like everyone else
You don’t trust her
You should trust her
She never lied to you
She’s so bothersome
Why be bothered
Shut up
Shut up
Shut up
Would it be better if she said
Hush
Hush baby
Don’t cry, darling
I’m here
I’ll always be here
So hush
Don’t cry, baby
Baby don’t cry
(That works)
Go where you want to go, darling
I’ll always be there for you
(that works even better)
2.
Will she ever come out of the shadows?
Reminds her of a spooky soap opera
The Shadows
“The shadows don’t lie”
In a Rod Sterling voice
She never watched soap operas
Except at a Chinese buffet
As a captive audience
On a barely audible screen
Slurping Chinese noodles
Almost better than spaghetti
Don’t cry, baby
Don’t cry
It’s just a story
A narrative
Not necessarily true
But true if it’s true
Not out of necessity
True
Forget it
She’s crying again
She just feels sorry for herself
All the time
She’ll get over it
Babys always do.

Has love taken a back seat
To je ne sais quoi
How shall I say this?
How I say this
My poem of economy
Somewhat gossipy
Always honesty
Let it be twisted
Or sordid
Perplexing complexing
Say ultra-expressing
Let it be newly and lonely
Never a phony
Let it have rhythm and rhyme
And turn on a dime
Let it live a life
That’s never been lived before
Never been thrown across the dance floor
Never met a matador
Never wanted to
The bull an unwitting ambassador
What revelation, new sensation
Unique oration
Bow down imagination
This poem, this poem
Can it stand alone
Proud among giants
That cut to the bone
Better-known
With wit and gritstone
Birthing a milestone
Scripting a headstone
Will it leave a legacy?
For posterity
Or passions’ peculiarity
Who knows,

I have loved
So, have many other
If love has lost its’ meaning
No lovely line matters
Petitioning God on hands and knees
Just chatter
What revelatory point of view
Are you
If love has lost its meaning
No pretty poem will do.

What did I do to deserve this?
I died and no one was there
Perhaps a gentle knowing
Foretold the ending of despair.

Cocooned in a velveteen darkness
A peignoir of shimmering stars
A constellation of good nights
Echoed from afar

I but not I
Crawled on all fours
Over pillows of stone, then
Laid on a bed of time
Above me the pine
Silhouetted on a black canvas sky
Has the baby bird earned its wings?
When finally able to fly.

I but not I
I am the pine above me
And the ground where I lie
And the darkness that surrounds me
And the void into which I died

I but not I
Am you
The self of all selves
Am I
And the magpie and the fly.

Still the night
Alienated from the day
Still the mind
Alienated from the thought
Still, and
If you’re very quiet
You can hear the night reply
With a whimper and sigh-
Dreams are meant for dreamers.
Tis the nights’ lullaby.

And as I gazed upward
Infinity split inside me-
Just to go where it wants to go
Just to be what it wants to be.

My God, I’ve been blind
But now I can see.

The morning unclutched
Its clenched claw opened
The violet flame transmuted
Yesterday’s debris fueled the fire
Leaving space
For desire.
Pressing a memory foamed mind
To the edge of the bed
Elusively remembering the night
The depression you sank into
Worn without regret
Worn familiar from
Many nights before
Foam caging the day
Like clay.

New feet  
New hands to show the way
You are the way-shower
I will follow you
If you show me the way.