Until Now

You have taken the words from my own
You are the pedals in my poem
A riddle wrapped in a rose
Cherry pie a la mode
A garden of poppy prose
Poppy I have waited for so long
Followed the primrose path
Running along to your song
Swung from the branches of your stanzas
Hidden in honeysuckle extravaganza
Picadillos and innuendos
Abound
Words sprung from fertile ground
Budding images messing  
A delicate balance
A lover’s dalliance
A vineyard
Of the triggered and the inward
Thickets of thorny morning glories
Questing bouquets of lily days
Where daffodils
Are dressed to ****
And a single rose grows
Inviolate
Yet
Stem to stern
I have felt the male fern
And the grass burn
And the willow cry
And the dragonfly fly by
In the blink of an eye
But I have never ever felt you.
Until now.

Nattering **** head of negativity
Birdbrain, half-wit *****
Can’t count on to get on
Ever a nerd twerp blockhead
Braindead- can’t follow a single thread
Instead
Dance to the strings of your puppet poodle
You’re boring attempts are feudal
You’re as appetizing as a ten-day-old strudel
Square head, *******, yoyo, bozo
Backhoe cargo
Exciting as bread dough
Rising
Not surprising
That I’m so despising
You’re constant attempts at upstaging
Left me
Utterly disengaging
Your raging
Left me
Utterly disengaging
Your blaming
Left me
Utterly disengaging
Your constant contradictions left me
With a drug addiction
I’m not blaming
Just saying
Praying for the end
But wait
Why all the hate?
What hate?

Isn’t the mirror
Reflecting the interior
Can anyone save me from my nightmare?
Scared
That must be it
I mean me.

My hair is braided, I swear
Somedays I wear it like a crown
And somedays a crown of thorns
Creditors keep calling
I don’t answer
Friends reach out
Reluctantly I engage
Engagement like a minimum-security prison
Hush, the weak have arisen
That’s some days
I long for, crave for
Nothing
Answers
Fulfillment
Peace
Emptiness
Apple pie?
French Fries
With loads of ketchup
Presence
Yes, That’s it
The present-perfect moment
Wrapped in gift gold
A pen that doesn’t skip
Except down the street
A pen that writes what it wants
Not what it’s told
Without regards to you
A totally naked pen
Unselfconsciously naked pen
A pen without permission
A pen without presumption
A pen without proper purpose
A pen without a penchant for perfection
(excuse the alliteration)
Without politeness or uptightness
A pen that flip-flops
A pen that hides under the covers when you’re around
A pen that doesn’t stop
Even after it runs out of ink
Pink Ink
Think ink
Until I get tired of pink think ink
A pen that doesn’t get bored so easily
Like you
Maybe I do  
And maybe I don’t
Maybe we’re two pens in a pod.
Oh, fickle pen
That’s so like you
Yup’ the pen made me do it
I’m a slave to the pen
What’s up with you?

I continue to suffer, God
Separate from Your Infinite Awareness
Fetal and curled up inside myself
I continue the battle outside myself
Having not the honesty to face
What’s felt inside myself
Love, you have so long eluded me
Love tell me where you hide from me.
Intermittently you return to me
You are always felt like another
While I struggle to find you inside of me
Why is it only with another that I find me?
Peace and tranquility apart from me
So, God, if I ask these questions
And if I am you
So, must you too.
Is that why you created me
And the others I see
Could it be, ***
That I created you and
That you were lonely too?
Could we be
The ultimate entertainment for you
Or for me
Like characters on a moving screen
You gave us names
You gave us roles
You gave us means
But you forgot to tell us
It was only a game
You designed
To keep us entertained
That would be too cruel
So, I may have to overrule
That scenario, however
You really are the ultimate Lothario
Looking for love
In all the wrong places
Looking for love
In the crawl spaces of your mind
While you were dishing it out
You left some of us out
A Brahmin once said
Cease to cling to yourself
Who should you cling to when no one is there
I know I’ve misconstrued the point
It’s true and
If that is true and I am you
It is true for you too
So, you should cease to cling to me
Pretend if you can that you are me
And no one was there
What would you do?
Probably cling to you, too.
And I know there are more important things to say
But I’m just writing what comes up for me  
For God’s sake
Maybe it’s not pretty
Maybe it’s nitpicky
Who’s to say
And who are you anyway?
No disrespect intended
Covering my bases
Just in case
She turns out to be a he
With an ax to grind
Oh, nevermind!

Tell me why, if
We’re all I
In a Charlie Brown Pumpkin pie
Patch in the sky I
Each a small piece of the pie I
Some a flaming cherry pie
Some a Georgia peach or
Perfect plum pudding pie
Perhaps a strawberry  
Sweet potato or crumbled apple pie I
You a poached peach pie
Together-
we’re a mixed metaphor
whatever for
Pie.

All sharing the same awareness
In all fairness
No one can define this thing called awareness.
Is Awareness the isness of you
Is isness the business of God
Is God in the business of defining
A color by number world
Too much blue in the sky pie
A little less green in the scene  
please

Could Awareness exist
To let you decide
What kind of I-pie
To die pie
To be a pie guy
Or a gal pie
Or pie gal
Goldie locks or Goldie Hawn
big bad wolf  
Or Genghis Khan

Now hear me out
If you were God
What would you do with infinity?

Got it!
Without a doubt
Better bake a pie
This proves God is a woman.
But you already knew that.
My explanation quite reasonable
My logic unarguable
Once again
The proof is in the pudding pie
You should never argue with a woman.
Guy!
But,
God reserves the right
To change her mind
So next time around
She could make a different pie
Bigger pie, better pie
Or perhaps
no pie at all.
She’ll bake a cake.
Or build a boat
For God’s sake.

A friend and I were texting the other day
He always writes the nicest things
It caused me to think
Maybe we could plan a future
Incarnation-
And off went the link
Without the slightest-
Hesitation
Mentioned it to Slick
Being the usual ****
He said You said
What!
What an absurd thing to say
For the smallest sec, I thought
Maybe I said something
I naught
Then came to my senses
Knowing he was building more fences-
As usual.

Don’t let yourself get pulled in
By the delusional
It was only meant to amuse
I said to defuse
The firestorm of confusion
About to begin
Let it go
Said my better half
Later you can laugh
At the boundaries that surround
The bottomless judgments that abound
The absurd who all know better
And follow to the letter
Caged by their supposed wisdom
Impaled by their royal kingdom
Their uncontested knowing
Their perception deception
Pathological psychological garbology
Can’t take a joke
Diabology
Maybe you take yourself too seriously
Deliriously deluded polluted
Raging and crazily concluded
Me only filter
Is this a rant?

Several days later I get Tyler’s reply
Hehe says he
That place sounds lovely! I’m in
We’re probably experiencing it somewhere.

Yes, said I
In multi-dimensional lives.

What is you?
What is me?
What do you hope to see?
Said he
How about now.
It’s an ever-changing mystery.

The aforementioned place
Being an exotic planet somewhere in hyperspace
With two moons, purple sunsets and no war.
And I
Wondering starry-eyed
Are there other Me’s?
And what could I be up to?
Hehe
Haha
Hoho
Only God knows.
Whoever she may be.

It was the coldest day of the year.
We welcomed the return of cooler weather,
Fellow followers of the southern sun.
Winter had almost begun.
Delicious cool breezes uplifted our spirits.
Inspired these awesome(?) lyrics
There was a luminescence to the light.
It sparkled with the dearest delight.
The days were shorter.
The nights' longer.
The seasons were changing.
Change was in the air..
Change was everywhere.

Southern change is slow and steady.
Unlike the north where one must always be ready
The mass migration from the north was still underway.
Hordes and hordes of high blood pressure,
Scoliosis afflicted octogenarians invaded our state.
We who bore the brunt of the brutal summers,
Felt like we belonged to a sunny exclusive club.
Entitled to space, the roads, the sunshine.  
Now we must share with the worst drivers of vehicular crime
Accidents galore.
Everywhere you go.
Someone overran the barricade,
Cars totaled
Cars mangled
Twisted and tangled
Cars flipped & chipped  
A road detours
In the land of the aged & mature
Mature, I say, only in age
Otherwise, it would be an absolute outrage.
And it is.

People meeting people in the most unfortunate way.
I tell you it tests your mettle,
It tests your patience,
It tests your good nature,
Not to mention the nomenclature
of your exclusivity.  
Better rethink civility.
Better rethink senility.
Better rethink livability
In the south
In the wintertime
  
Missing you had become a pastime of mine...
Seeing you and Robert in the coffee shop that day-
Delighted me.  
So that I completely forgot to order tea.
I knew I would see you soon,
As fate would have it.
Not being in the habit
Of that particular time
That particular coffee shop
That day,
Anyway
Unplanned as this was.
That is to say
Not planned in the usual way.
Did the afternoon gods align?
Should I take it as a sign
Or is it pure coincidence
I know you agree with the ladder
It doesn’t much matter
Coincidence and me don’t agree
Nothing is accidental
No, I’m not mental
If you agree with me.
I admit it’s a hard nut to swallow,
Unless you’re in the habit of swallowing hard nuts,
Which most, I think, are not
Although I’ve never actually inquired
For the usual reasons
Excuse the nut reference
If you have a hard nut allergy
In which case you should stay away  
It’s not a bad thing,
More hard nuts for the rascal squirrels,
No hard nuts for the hard nut adverse.
How nutty is this verse?

I digress
As you can see
My thoughts always take me back to thee
Thought I’d get a little fancy.
Back to the Day in question
Referenced by me in this digression
If I thought something interesting was about to unfold
Oh no, oh no
It was the same old, same old
After the polite amount of time
You picked up your phone
It was a sign
Business as usual
Or is it you hiding behind
Some kind of some kind  
I don’t know what
I such a nut
Stale coffee sits in the microwave
It pings its readiness
Forget my forgetfulness
One more round
The coffee’s cold
Like you
Still
I take it out
Drink it anyway
While I wait
Still
The coffee’s cold
And so are you
That’s all I have to say
And that’s why
Without thinking
I grabbed the phone that day
While you were busy texting
Hey, I wasn’t getting in the boxing ring
You knew that

Robert was rather overreactive
It was only me being me
I’ll meet your cold
And up the ante
Are you all in
Do I win
I was only playing, all along
That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t write me a love song
Two for her
One for me
I think you’ll agree
It’s quite unfair
And you want to be fair
Don’t you
This isn't optional
Even rational
Or actionable
*******
My phantom love
I get it.
Still
I’m missing you.
Do you miss me too?