I am living in squalor
I guess it serves me right
I gave away all my power
To a man who wasn't right.

To those of you
Who see the light
You get it
And I'm so appreciative
To you
Tonight.

Noodles are me
Although it didn't
Always used to be
There was a time
Before
When you lived
We'd go out to lunch
Almost everyday
Where to go
Usually a buffet
There we had unlimited choices
For dessert
And we made
Chow Mein memories
How Asia
How American
That was how
It used to be.
Now I choose
Between Spicy hot
And not so hot
Ramen in a cup
Eat up

We lived never thinking of tomorrow
Tomorrow came
And you were not there
The rug was pulled out from under me
I was hapless and helpless
Because you had done everything.
I knew
Our dreams would never come true
I thought

We were Overly confident, Overly optimistic and completely over the top.
Where was the moderation
You were the orchestration
You ran
A one man band
And I didn't know it
Until I did
And you died.

When I look back
I have to reflect
On how you really didn't want my input or point of view.
You completely rejected the feminine
It's true
And those who followed you.
You were both cowardly and misdirected
And I didn't know what to do.

Now I'm down under.
Never sure where i'll be
Quite a journey
Under attack by so many
Who seem to reject my very existence
I can't tell you why
One demented old lady
Swing a metal cane
At Casper and Me
Wishes to see us both dead
Because we don't speak her language.

Am I understating the issues
Please hand me that box of tissues
Tears seem to never run out
My life full of fear and doubt

A box of issues
That's more like it
Was God thinking
'She takes too much for granted'
Let's throw in a hardy
Sprinkling of despair
It certainly wasn't
Compassionate Care
A bedeviled group home
Where negativety hung heavy in the air.

Where is the beauty
I pursued all my life
Now only
Loneliness, fear and strife

And my senses
Assaulted at first
Tip toeing through
The littered sidewalk
Where are the flowers
Where are the tulips
And the I saw the single survivor
Hardy. Small
Mellow yellow
Heroically fighting their way
Through the cluttered display

Distracted
Everything on two wheels or more
Making noise, noise and more

A cacophony of sound
Never harmonizing
Speed and hell bound
And the voices
Loud and animated
Friendly and allowing

My housemates
That's another story
Let's just say
There was a huge divide
Between
The outside
And in
One flew over the coo coos nest
Had nothing on them
I knew I had to get away
Before they killed me
With vitiole and rage.

Can I live my life backwards
Where I'll have more Appreciation
Be more sage
And that's why they say
Hindsight is 20/20
If your long range vision
Is dim
Or not there
Better beware
You could be me
Well
Without my creativity.

Tried to suspend my disbelief
oh, how I tried
But, I don't know darling
It always comes back to you
Who are you anyway
how do you know the things you know
when no one has told you so
If only you would write the next verse
unrehearsed
and unfiltered
not think it command
or sleight of hand.dear
Never mind
you always get iy
and that's the thing
should i go on
or leave it at this
maybe we couldn't get past
the first kiss
I'm sure that's it
a crossroads
an impasse
a stop along the way
forget it
didn't mean it
You'll never believe it
and neither will I
so I'll just be me
without you
and go on
wait and see
I'm as patient as patient
can be
I tell you're doubting me
so i ask
how it can be
when you won't talk to me
you're wed to a memory
life in the past lane
but you can't live in a memory
that has something to prove
or a daydream
that has something to lose
these things you cling to so well
maybe there your way of letting go
I don't know
or just
show and tell

i Know I'm sometimes rude
and don't seem to care
It's when you left your heart out
with few exceptions, dear

I want to write about the light
and how it follows you
wherever you go
but I'm defensive and rude instead
and so
there's no completion
just me
and somewhere out there
there is  you
i wrote this song for you

Bam* Bam
Boom Boom*
Fort Nite
just ain't right
what are we teaching
our youth
shoot em up
like John Wilks Boothe
****** horned demons
swarm the subliminal screen
legions of red ants
marching rants
screaming


shoot em up
scaredy pants
what do you have to lose
bring em down to the ground
with bullets and *****
inbound
watch out
red hawk down

another round
anyone/

Sometimes you need
a touch of whimsey
to ward off the
demons of depression
of which
there are many
like an overgrown garden
growing wild and free
filled with daffodils
and peonies
any which way
they will
a whipperwill.

-nature orders
structure and desire
desire the unfulfilled womb
for whom-

Whimsy
where are you
soon
and lightness
to guide me
through the darkness
so repugnant
to me.

I turn to you whimsey
to your unchartered fancy
where angels dance
on marshmallow clouds
out of harm's way
someday
so shall I
someday

My thoughts are saboteurs
Prowling on all fours
Wreaking havoc
Like bedsores
Eyesores
Trapdoors
To a subfloor
Know more
Know more
Like waiting for the rapture
Take a picture
Before and After
Like waiting for Godot
Hello, hello

Scratch the above
Scratch the below
No place to hide
No place to go.


Was it all a lie
I told myself
Lies implied
Lies to assuage
The emptiness
You feel inside.
Lies the media told you
How to live
How to survive
Fine lies
Wrinkles
In the landscape of time
Lies to make you
Lose control
Of your body and mind.

Rage, rage, rage

On a crowded stage
Lies bowed
To a divided crowd
Filled with vitriol
And rage.

Looking for truth
Easy in your youth
However
We got it all wrong
All the while
Listening to a song
Yearning for playfulness
And innocence
That enveloped our youthfulness

But, it's gone
Bygone
Yet still
They tell me
The truth
Shall set you free.

Binding on WHO?
I'm not listening to you
You can create all your
Agendas, policies, and
Mandates
I'll see you in hell
Before I agree to your
Dictates.

A frustrated populist
Crewmates, cellmates
Bedmates and ingrates
Dire straits and
Who hates
A world erupts in vitriol and narrates.
Fire up the rhetoric
Propagandized media
Stirring confusion
Creating illusion
Then
Came
Nothing
Nothing
Nothing
The sounds of silence

A quiet came
Came the
Calm before the storm
Before the calm came
Confusion
Chaos
See you in the playhouse
Before the final scene.