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kbww Dec 2018
My soul was so bright
now my face is pastel
Everything turns fuzzy
and I’m unwell

Hard teeth crack
on harder truth

Lungs’ branches
grow flowers of cancer
just hit with the answer
to how I’m gonna die

Run outside
Start to drive
Try not to cry
Reach for my smokes

And stop

Been busy filling lungs with tar
to match my heart
slow down this beat a bit
until I’ve beaten it
Now I’m beating fists
against my head as I
hold the dread
in my very hand
contraband
and I’m sick

I’ve never really looked
the same at flowers
I count their falling petals
like I count the hours


~kb
kbww Dec 2018
Falling apart together
Simultaneously destructive
Infecting one another
In the many places love lives
The start was stars and stripes
Then the stars began to fall
Your lined verbal assaults
Have me clutching at the wall
Clutched once a time before
By hands engulfed in passion
That flame no longer burns
The clutch has lost its traction
With a pile of soot and ashes
Laid at our feet across the floor
We can paint our shoes in black
Or leave no footprints toward the door
A last look at one another
And present becomes past
You know that I still love you
But the fire burned too fast

~kb
kbww Dec 2018
Close my eyes
and mouth with tape let me
hear the torment
within my head
without distraction
Always distracted
focus compromised by
emotional eyes
and an empty heart
sleep to destroy
the art of darkness
Slow step wake up
yesterday’s makeup
spilled on the tile
emotions run wild
like fenced in dogs
never touching their paws
to pavement
just chain link
filed teeth and angry
Arranging my next
movements in order
to save me
the door or
the window
cause you know
I’m not staying here
that’s very clear
no need for the drama
just call my mama
she’ll take me home
Mouth foams
dog bites
bigger dogs now attack
now I’m ******* my back
hands collapse under straps
And of course the beautiful syringe
tinged pale neurons singed
Bring me down the hall
this is what I call
home
Light fades sleep settles
and I’m not even through
day one

~kb
kbww Dec 2018
I want to show everyone
I can be light too
I just need to get some
Energy from you
Just enough for a day
I’d appreciate it greatly
You’re the only person
I haven’t taken it from lately

~kb
kbww Dec 2018
wingspan wide flies over
soft forest cries from
fires that turn family to embers
this cold december
branches cut off leaves no
hiding a polyfil frost over
ponds in dead woods
branches wet crack slow under
footsteps
each snowflake holding its own
clumped with cousins but
unique as me
and I cling tightly to
your exposed tree
cover your bark
hang tightly to your trunk
wait until I dissipate
from your sap wounds healed to
spring’s tune wanting nothing to do
with a lonely melted crystal
I need it to be winter a while
so I have your smile
and I walk the miles
trudging through snow
to find what I know
that tempered tall tree is
waiting for me
to remind me
winter ended
and as one single flake I could’ve never
defended my tree territory
to the urging of the sun
it’s number one
tree takes care of self pushes me to a
puddle
and grows in good health
and now the trees look the same
and I play a frustrating game of
finding my tree they all look alike
with friends and flowers
you purposefully hide yourself
and I’m left wandering
a drop of water alone just
waiting for the cold.

~kb
kbww Dec 2018
Where’s the research
on this physiological attack
that sends me back
Proof our brain changes in these moments
but no one
can wrap a ******* shred
of their head around it
yet it’s the very thing
that gives them
intellect to begin with
I’m sick of it
Don’t lower me to not meet your
unattainable standards
you haven’t met them either
Work on you
This work on me though
Suicide’s taboo
I’m suicidal too but
pretend I was quiet and gentle as
snow hitting rooftops when I spoke that
White face and blue lips you
had to see in the reflection of the
frost glow window
just to believe
there was a part of me
all along that I told you about
causes me to shout
Life isn’t fair
don’t want to see breath
in cold air means
I’m still alive
driving toward hope that
keeps speeding too far past
for me to catch up
and I stop the chase because
I can’t afford the ticket
Can’t stand living
in this body with a brain
that doesn’t work
it keeps turning on and off
And if this is all a dream
I wish I never fell asleep

~kb
kbww Dec 2018
*** is now an expectation
A first date kiss long gone
If I don’t decide to go in
Any relationship will be forgone
And if I do decide
To go against better judgement
I become a *****
You become the incumbent
Holding reign over texts
And new meet up dates
I cross my legs
And patiently wait
To be treated like ****
Because I gave it up too soon
But if that makes me such trash
What does that make you?
I’d rather be alone
Than play this game
Show some respect
I’ll do the same.

~kb
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