Meet me at the blue stairs
at Little Lake Park.
Just dress normal.
1AM sharp.
You said we should do this,
it’ll all be okay.
I have what we need
and I’m on board all the way.
Love you.

I shuffle in my pockets
and stare at the clock.
1:20AM. She’s late,
what a shock.
As the twenty ticks to fifty,
I’m one hundred percent sure.
She’s not coming.
She wants to stay in this world.
I text one last time
just to try.
I guess I’ll go home
If she wants to live, so do I.
I thought we could leave
this awful world together.
But maybe she has plans
to make our lives much better.

I haven’t gotten any messages
but I’m here at the park.
This blue slide looks black
when the night is so dark.
I’ve waited for almost
an hour at least.
I just want to ****
our minds’ biggest beasts.
Maybe you had
a change of heart.
But I can’t continue to live
in a world so dark.
I’m sorry we couldn’t
do this together.
Maybe you had false thoughts
that this would some day get better.
Love you.

I thought he was with me
we were on the same page.
This world was pure nothing
and our lives a big stage.
Or maybe he doesn’t
want to die with me.
He’s hoping some day
he can be set free.
But the world doesn’t offer
much to people like us.
So we suffer so greatly
and feel shame for an illness.
The mental anguish
is just too much abuse
I hope the wild doesn’t get me
before the noose.

~kb

You don’t have to know
The ways the body runs round
To know the soul gives the heart life
It’s what makes the sound
Of love just beginning
Or making an end
Or a dream coming true
A relationship on the mend
The soul makes the heart beat
Faster or slower
When you feel on top of the world
Or couldn’t get any lower

~kb

Sometimes I feel like
I take others’ pain
The things they can’t handle
I take the remains
I want to believe this
As my pain is so deep
But if one who suffers like me
Can get a night’s sleep
Then I’ll take their pain all night
And stay up to the sun
And if it works
I’ll take suffering from everyone
Because I’m far too gone
Suffering is my norm
Give me all of your rain
And I’ll weather your storm.

~kb

When do I know it’s a choice?
There’s so much darkness inside
Yet I still have a voice.
But, when is the voice mine?
Is it really me,
Or the evil’s disguise?
When is the choice
Between strength and that voice?
The illness says I’m weak
The choices I make will always be bleak.
So even if I had a choice
It can never beat that evil voice.


~kb

My life’s metaphor
from the forest floor
I creep lazily and silent
my pupils poisoned with color
The crunch beneath my Keds
becomes a gradient holler
And life seems endless
like the branch of the tree
The beauty of the moments
captured solely by me
Curiosity has me
sinking in deeper
The branches get closer
and dusk gets nearer
And I’m left with a choice
on whether to go back
or stay on this off grid
darkening track
But then like a cat
I have to know
what if anything
beyond this darkness grows
While you maybe already
have turned back by now
something has my head
and turning back’s not allowed
I climb through the brush
the broken stems and branches
Constantly cut
by sharp thorn lancets
It’s way past dark
and I can hardly breathe
The foliage entangles me
and shows no reprieve
Now stuck in the pain
and frustrating life choices
I succumb to the darkness
Only sounds of the voices
The ones trapped in my head
and torment me in this place
But it’s become comfortable here
the thorn-tipped branches my warmest embrace.

~kb

The world has no eyes on me
at 3AM
I don’t have to engage
or entertain them
It’s the the most peaceful calamity
that I’ve ever known
A tranquility of silence
and darkness my mind’s chaperone

~kb