You built me up, only to tear me down
You put me together, only to break me
You took me in, only to throw me out
You pulled a knife from my back, only to stab my heart
You brought me back to life, only to **** me again
You said you'd always be there, only to disappear when I needed you most
You found me in a state of disrepair, only to destroy what remained

Eyes watching vigilantly through the night.
Ears alert to every little crack and creak.
Scenarios play over and over in my mind.
Safety and security are my priorities.
Sentinel am I.

You're grip on me has finally been broken.
My mind no longer fooled by your illusions.
I no longer hear your sour whispers.
My eyes have been opened to a bright new world.
I am no longer alone.
Hopefully this is our final goodbye.

Sincerely,
A once broken poet.

I had a date with death,
And I'm still single.

I just gave a jagged grin,
And death walked out the door.

They left me behind,
I guess even death runs in fear.

Lost in abnormality,
Lost in this so called reality.

One in suffering,
One in thought.

Sent away from light,
Sent back to the night.

Take it all away,
Take a life today.

Can you hear them,
The voices of the night?

Can you see them,
The shadows just out of sight?

Can you smell them,
The scent of dying light?

Can you feel them,
The touch of spite?

Can you taste them,
The flavor of fright?

I don't belong anywhere.
I don't belong in anytime.
A path traveled by no one.
A life of bitter solitude.
Unwanted.
Unneeded.
Broken.
Scarred.
A mistake.
An outcast.

On these snow covered hills I stand, an outcast of my kind.

Blood trickles from my wounds, staining the ground below me.

I was born unwanted, then forced to endure the abuse.

So don't mind me, I'm just looking for a place to hang my noose.

Should I even try?
Should I even care?
Am I living in reality or a lie?
Am I too much to bare?
Why does no one understand?
Why does no one believe me?

I just need them to leave me alone,
For a day at least.

I can't take the constant fighting,
They are tearing me apart.

I can feel my head start to ache,
The screams clash with the force of an earthquake.

If only they would go away,
Maybe then I wouldn't be this way.

What if I told you I hold demons inside?

What if I told you about the tears I hide?

What if I told you about every time I lied?

What if I told you my dreams of suicide?

What if I told you I wear a mask on the outside?

What if I told you in myself I confide?

What if I told you about all the times of happiness I was denied?

Never fit in.
Never stood out.
Thoughts twisted around.
Empty gaze.
Lost in this maze.
To this darkness I am bound.
Deep cuts.
Deeper scars.
Bleeding on the ground.

I feel a need to ****.
Both myself and anyone near me.
I've thought of ways to end my life.
I've methodically found ways to end the others.
So tell me am I suicidal or a ******?

I'm trying to break free,
But keep myself inside.

If I could get away,
Maybe I would find words to say.

No one ever looks deep into my eyes,
Nor do they hear my inner cries.

Why live, only to die?

Why love, when alone I'll die?

Why laugh, only to watch others cry?

Why cut, when blood will dry?

I watch with bloodshot eyes,
Under moonlit skies.

I listen with cold ears,
As the end nears.

I feel only pain,
Suffering in vain.

I taste death,
On a winter's breath.

I smell sorrow,
With no hope for tomorrow.

You can break my body,
But never my soul.

I'm done being quiet,
And doing as I am told.

I've fought too hard,
Only to be left in the cold.

You can try to take everything from me,
But my spirit will never be sold.

So go ahead and try,
If you happen to be so bold.

Alone in the rain
I stand again.

Wishing that I
Could see you one more time.

I try to come to you,
But only get pushed away
With so much left to say...

Everyday I fall further.
Every night I get lost deeper in my mind.

How far will I fall?
Will I be found?

I hit rock bottom.
I hit without making a sound.

I have the heart of a killer.
I have the mind of a warrior.
I have the soul of a wolf.
I may not look threatening,
But I am more deadly than I am portrayed to be.

If you saw what was under my sleeves, you wouldn't come near me.

I choose to hide the scars because I'm tired of being alone.

The scars of loneliness are deep and never go away.

Some fade, but still remain visible.

If you knew what I've done to myself, you wouldn't stay.

Yeah, I have trust issues.
You would too after being backstabbed as many times as me.

Everyone, who you thought of as trustworthy, stabbing at the same time. For your entire life, until adulthood.

Then the blades break, left under the skin as a constant reminder.
A reminder of what happens when you trust others.

So, yeah, I've got trust issues.
Because trust is an illusion.

You don't know what its like
To be unwanted by everyone,
To see through all the fake smiles
they show.

You don't know what its like
To want to die,
And be unwanted by Death.

But I do.
I live with this pain everyday.
Knowing that not even Death wants me.

I suffer in silence,
Not because I won't speak,
But because no one will listen.

It never ends..

Anxiety holds me back
With the uncertainty
Of a successful attempt.
Depression tells me to
"Try until you die."
Anxiety asks me
"What if you fail?
Where will you be if you fail?"
Before I can think of a response
Anxiety tells me the answer.
"You will be in a place that will
Unleash me upon you
Sending you into a rage."
Then, Anxiety whispers
"Do you really want that?"
Depression responds with
"But, maybe you will be killed in the chaos."
Anxiety then tells me the odds of that are low and the situation would get worse.
Then I think to myself
"Is this really what I've come to?"
Then Depression puts its cold hand on my shoulder and says
"You can lose yourself to us, or we can lose you."

It never ends..

They say look in side yourself to find peace. I look inside myself and find only darkness, pain, and death. So tell me how can I find peace if all there seems to be is destruction, despair, and hate?

I walk this path of darkness alone.
No light shines on me.
For I am the night,
Bound not by your world's chains.
I am free.
Freer than you could ever be.
Unseen to many,
Noticed by none.
Lost in myself.
Waiting for someone,
Someone who will never come.

In it I am alone.
All around is darkness.
In this place I call home.
I see not what others see.
I understand more than others could-ever grasp.

I wander in my world.
Unbeknownst to anyone.
Yet aware of everything.
These shattered foundations,
They can take no more of this stress.

I cry out.
Though am never heard.
Can they not see,
The pain i feel?
I am truly alone in my world.