I am just trying to shrink myself, trying to become smaller, quieter, less sensitive, less opinionated, less needy, and less me. This feeling of being forgotten, being less important is killing me. These days I wander why my friends are  just stabbing behind my back and discussing everything irrelevant. I am clueless and feel like a tissue at the corner of my room that even could not make its way to the dustbin. Every morning I wake up sad and tired, n sleep with the same grief of being unwanted
There is this gradual growth of hatred towards life.
They say unless you  have bad times, you can’t appreciate the good times.
I try not to overthink. I try to be strong but Unfortunately
I cant see any good times coming that can be appreciated.

I wish I could end it all
All at once
I am tired of finding the beauty amidst the mundane
It’s hard to be hopeful at times, at times when there is no hope
Exhausted by my futile efforts to beat life, debilitated by the lack of love
I am losing my footing in the big climb of life, my grip has slipped
Disappointed in so many ways, I don’t know why
They say life isn’t fair
You need to try hard, speak out and be a rebel to survive
But, why should I always try hard to achieve anything
Why should I be the only one to suffer
Why should I always walk an extra mile to get home?
Don’t I deserve the basic happiness in life?
No matter what
There always runs a pervasive current that is pushing against me.
I guess I need to be eliminated form this race
So, All I can wish is to end it all
All at once

I walked for a shelter
Crying in the rain
I thought I could hide my tears
But all in vain
The storm could no longer supress the uproar in me
The space has vanished and the time has ceased
I stood there thunderstruck with my futile thoughts
Wondering in the dark what I have actually got.
I just wanted an embrace to hide my sobbing eyes
But All I had was tumultuous rain to conceal my face

There he stood at the door
Trying to let go of the warm hand that held him
She wanted him to hold her back
But he pushed her away a little more
You shall be fine without me, he whispered to her
With a kiss on the forehead, he left her crying
And the father waved goodbye
At the first day of her school drop-off.

She sat by the window, wondering about the odds of life
As the torrential rain lingered by her window
The relentless battle between the mind and heart seemed unwinnable.
Brighter prospects appeared more like an unrequited dream.
She drew the curtains to let the storm into her
Instead she saw a silver lining behind the iridescent clouds
And rainbow smiled across the horizon

I crave for love and affection
Someone who will discern my beauty, hidden behind the veil of imperfection.
Some one who shall love me at my best
And even when I am cluttered and a complete mess
But all I treasure is an injured heart
Heart that is apprehensive to fall in love again and is unable to trust
May be someday, the entire world will fall in love with me
That day, Rain shall pour down my window pane
And "Love  me when I am gone "shall play on my phone
But I wont wake up that morning
No more ignorance, no attached string
If only , it wasn't for the after life

There are days when my hopes touch the zenith
And dreams are on horizon
Picking up my messy self,
Trying to be beautiful and beyond
But every attempt is met with a failure
Just stuck as a lure to life’s fishing adventures
Figuring out stuff by my own, preparing for the worst
Heart break, pain and loss are mostly what I got.
At times I am pathetic, trying to put all to an end
No more can I take the ignominy of being neglected
Its then when I hear the prayers of my mother
All is good dear, there is nothing to bother.
The trouble she had been through, all because of me
The least I could do was to set myself free
How my mom always said that things shall fall into place
If not today, at least in the coming days
I wonder if what she said was true
Or it was to comfort me when I had no clue
But, it has strengthen me in every way it can
Her daughter is a fighter; her efforts won’t go in-vain
Maybe it was to help me when my hopes touch the zenith
And again my dreams are on horizon
I should have the audacity to pick my messy self,
And be beautiful and beyond
No more a lure in life’s fishing hook
My journey of frail to fabulous, perhaps written in a book
When I die, things will not be squandered
They shall say
She came, she saw and she conquered