It comes in waves now.
It's funny the kind of things that trigger it.
A certain word
A certain place
A certain smell.
Then it all comes flooding back in and you go back to that moment
You think of the things you should have done differently
If only you had known what would happen.
"If I had known I could have stopped it." You say in your mind.

But you have to remember that these things happen for a reason and what happened was not your fault and getting past it has made you the amazing person you are today.

It'll all be okay.

I like to lay in the bed that smells of us
where I'm losing my sadness in idle days
when spring means nothing,
when the walk in the endless garden is no longer a purpose,
cherry blossoms distract my empty eyes,
instead of sketching a smile my eyes hit the ground
the green grass screams at me and wants to chase away the gray,
then I talk to heaven,
I look for the sun that seems hidden for an eternity,
the singing of the birds, a tortuous composition is bothering me now,
but sadness has its beauty
I feel it in a subtle silence
and I search where there is nothing left, for healing...