I'm not sure how to explain my feelings.
I'm weighed down with moments of anger, with the feeling of wanting to cry in pain.
Though, the eyes won't water. I am lost and stuck, I think.
Am I depressed? But how?  Why and where did it come from?
Why do I want to start packing my bags, yet I have no place to go?
Why does my heart feel lonely and heavy? Why can't I understand?
I want to hide under the comfort of my bed covers, but the floor is closer.
How am I supposed to help myself out of this episode when I don't understand the half of it?

I don't remember the first time we met
But I remember there was no ****** attraction

I never knew that you'd care for me like you did
I didn't think I would need you like this

You came and built yourself a home
Right here in the depth of my heart

A friend indeed, you called me your angel
Your smile brightened my day, your hug warm as love

You were my safety in a place you were unsafe
Murdered infront of your own home you're gone

Here I sit, lost for words, for I never said goodbye
I never thanked you for the guardian you were.

Why is it wrong but it feels so right?
I think about it all through the night.

Are we supposed to be in love?
Don't tell me it's lust.

We're not supposed to be together?
But our hearts wants this forever.

Do we tell them the truth?
Or keep it a lie?

I'll break down every night...
But I'm willing to give us a try.

What is an escape?
Sometimes just lying in your bed.
Sometimes isolation from everything.

What do we escape from?
Life? Sadness?
Maybe not knowing whether you're coming or going.

Why do we need to escape?
It drives us mad.
It gets too much and we don't know how to communicate.

its funny how fairy tales start with sunny days
but fairy tales end happy right ?
funny how my life will never be happy again
how suddenly i cant sleep at night

you will never know the pain you caused
the sorrow in my soul
its hard to trust a male again
before i close this hole

they called you chad but i called you satan
how could you **** a child ?
for i had just discovered puberty
for at 15 you made me wild

did you not like the way i stood up for myself
is that why you made me cry
is that why you took advantage of my body
and hurt me till i died

i had never told anyone about what happened that day
i was scared of what they would say
my 'friends' who saw what you did that day
said 'she wanted it either way'

im sorry but whether you're drunk or sober
no still means no
and now when i sleep at night i wake up screaming
'chad let me go!'

ironically they shot and murdered you
a few weeks from now
but i swear on that day you murdered me
without knowing how

Sometimes I feel like I have so much to say, yet the words doesn't seem to know how to present itself.
A book and a pen, or a blank screen and a keyboard and the fingers seem to know exactly what to say.

A feeling I often don't know how to describe. My fingers do the talking and say, "She feels down, most of the time. She is drained."
"Some days are better than others, because some days the distractions are plenty, every other day is hard."

I want to break something, I want to scream.

When someone asks me, "What's wrong?" I haven't the slightest clue on what to say, because I don't know which issue is bothering me on that specific day.

There are so many things I hold inside a box, tucked away deep in my thoughts. I try not to open that box, but the box is so full that often the memories slip through.

I pray, I release all this negativity and set me free from this pain.

And if I ever do put an end to it all, just know, I tried.
I stuck around and tried to make it through.
I gave it many “one last chances,” and it got too much to bare.
Just know that it wasn’t always easy, but I made it thus far.

Don’t assume that the last challenge I faced, was the reason.
It took many nights of blades in my hands and blood on the floor, not to end it all.
And if I ended it now, just know that I couldn’t take anymore.

I don’t want tears shed, it’s better for me.
It wasn’t a selfish act, it was for my own happiness.
Why force me to live a life I’m suffering in and losing my mind?
Just to keep happy, the few I leave behind?

So, if one day I’m brave enough to put this to an end, just know that I have no more for hurt. Know that I’d rather be gone, than to have gone insane.

For mine you were, and yours was I,
for the feelings hidden, that will never fade.

For the distance traveled, and moments shared,
for the secrets, the lips would kiss away.

For Romeo loved Juliet.

But feelings changed, and life must go on,
like Shakespeare said, Romeo went first.

So, just like Romeo and Juliet, however different,
for Romeo feels peace, while Juliet mourns.

It shouldn't have, but alas, it had,
and it left our poor Capulet sad.

Just like Romeo and Juliet...

We saw, we met, we kissed
All I could do was love
No beauty on your face but your heart was gold and mine matched in like a glove

Obsessed you were
and possessed was I
Until I could have no more I tried to run but how far could I go, next to you i had to lie

You're all i knew
And all i wanted
But it become very raw and walking away was impossible, you were my shelter

Enough was enough
It had to be done
I'm sorry I left you that way but if you could see through my eyes you'd be long gone

Red light , blue light
Shine so bright
Red light , blue light
Stole the night

Flicker through glass
Reflect through eyes
Red light, blue light
Its time to say goodnight.

She tucks herself in deep, heavy linen.
Faith is nothing but a thread hanging onto hope.
Seconds are the limit it takes for thoughts to present.
Liquid of salt creeps out by the lids, red from strain.
The stabbing fight in her stomach, she holds.
Pounding heart as if to break free at last.

She leaves the secrets in the sheets.
A smile as bright, she wears on the streets.

When does it end?
When do I walk away?
From the rope that keeps pulling me down?

How do I prosper?
How do I succeed?
This Rollercoaster keeps turning around!

I want to let go!
I need to be free!
Where is thy Savior, can He hear me?

I can't take this pain!
The past is past!
The hurt will never end, can't you see. The memories always last.

A long dusty road, where man do not go.
The burning of the sun, piercing through the flesh of someone.
No daring animal, no matter how hungry, run past this way.
Look, you'll see. Look deep, far beyond the trees.
A place so damaged, so much stories to tell.