I’m told there is no hope
and left this wretched affliction.
To carry you with dread and
Wait for your day of suffering,
To choose your final moment
And design your demise.

I awaken expecting the familiar dread
But instead I feel you wriggling in my belly
You guide me back to reality;
My heavy limbs resting on the sheets
The morning sun streaming in the window
No worry or fear; no decision to be made
Just the sun’s rays warming my body
And you gently moving,
Leaving this message of clarity and hope.

Hello little one, wriggling on the screen
Goodbye to your future, and our dreams
Hello sleepless nights, afflicted by our choice,
Goodbye to pregnancy as a time of joy
Hello to the beauty of my other two
Goodbye to worry over jammy fingers and muddy shoes
Hello to this still moment, this calm, this sublime
Goodbye to counting down the next landmark in time
Hello my silent baby curled up in my arms
Goodbye my little boy, you’re now safe from harm

Long arms droop protecting
Little dominoes with
Rows of names and windmills
And in amongst the toys
Where Autumn tears are strewn  
A Magpie crunches through
Eyes up these precious jewels
But offers a mantra:
“One for sorrow, two for joy
Three for this girl and four
For you my baby boy.”