Until recently...
I wouldn’t have considered that I...I...
Was just..
a Character in somebody else’s dream...
When do we wake up?

What?
When?
Where ?
How?

Never understood in my youth how relevant that English lesson was.

“Say what you mean and mean what what you you say child”

A Dear reverence from my 6th grade teacher. One I will never forget or admire more.
Mr. Murrey. Semper Fi
You will live on fore ever.
You placed me in a corner.  I learned, you inspired me..

Sorry is not enough.

I try to express that. I wonder
do you hear the heartache in my words or do they fall on deafened ears
These truths of mine alone do you believe them
You have been told so many lies
I thought I was saving you from pain.  
Poisoned lies that belonged not to be felt by you and your innocence though that was ruined prematurely
I was not willing to fuel  that fire  
sadly I did light the match and added kindling without intent
I thought I was protecting you saving you from some of the gore
I’m left to wonder if I caused more harm than good.
My soul aches with every beat for every lost moment
Stabbed with every ignored plea and unanswered message
I can do no more  to change that allthough  I will keep trying
I can only hope that from the ruins one day a sprout will immerse I will care for it tenderly but not overshadow it  and with every truth I pray it may grow.

How lucky I am to have found this safe haven
This sounding board
United among beings who share openly
Who let their hearts be it in sorrow, joy, fear, or enlightenment be open
People who share their amazing talents and minds without reserve.
Tell stories of grandeur or simple thoughts
Who acknowledge without judgment
I am blessed.
Thank you.

One of my favorite times of day
The world lays silent and still
I need not hear or wonder
about the thoughts besieging
myself or another.
I can laze sleepily in the silence
Enjoying the remnants of dreams
still somewhat within reach of my minds eye.
The onslaught of doubt and worry
still quiet giving me a moment maybe two before reality sets in and the noise inside won’t overwhelm me with questions I can’t or won’t answer.

I live a fortunate and blessed life.

Each morning I wake waiting
For the ball to drop, knowing
I will be the sole creator
Of my own  demise.
Nature, nurture, the stars.
How I long to let go
Past out of mind.
To be optimistic and secure.
To let the fog of the past clear.
In eager anticipation I wait.

I search through my disheveled mind bits and pieces  are all I find.
Perchance you could delve into me, and recapture inumerous philosophies .
All I can grap easily, are fragments of life’s poetry.

What do I want.. I cannot say.
The hope of a new, brighter day.
Where we are at peace with one and our souls.
Love doesn’t consist of the body alone.

Where people eat but there is no hunger.
The old and the wise only grow younger.
Where time is irrelevant.
There’s always a cure.
Where social identity is all a blur.

When we needn’t think about world pollution.
The ozone layers have received a solution.
This is where my peace would be.
This twisted world makes sence to me.

If I think loud enough,
maybe the screaming hysterical silence,
Will ease just enough to decifer at least one
Splinter of useful knowledge or gain

No willl.  
No precognition for a better life.
Hope is a gaping hole, just  look into my eyes. Don’t stare.
You may become immersed in the abysmal
Well of ****, it’s my place not yours.
Those are my nails stuck in the wall. That retch is my being, slowly decomposing.  My apologies for the stench.