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Case Catherine Aug 2018
Wind beneath my wings
is not really wind at all,
It's ******* coffee
Case Catherine Jul 2018
What do I know that is not already known?
What can I say to convey meaning
Beyond what has already been said? Show
me, anyone, an explanation
to dispute what uncertainty bestows:
knowledge is a vapor, a barren field
waiting endlessly fallow
despite the persistence of man as the
seed in pursuit of wisdom that we sough.
For whom, though he searches, could fathom
The wisdom of heaven or earth below?
And if I search for myself, eminence
To gain, what lasting value have I found?
For in my death, fame is dust upon the ground.

If life is a hunt, once a scavenger,
I, foraging the earth and stars collecting
bits of knowledge left by the avatars
of intellect. For nothing is new, no
thought original, found palaver
to be the language of the naïve, but
poetry was buried in places where
sages stood. In my vain attempt
to inspire with my own words, find their
works to overshadow. Each verse written leaves
readers reminiscent of another.
If wisdom comes in forms of poetry,
then how can I help but plagiarize?
As I uproot them I am left behind.

Can I truly find meaning in the face
Of eternity? In the passing of
a moment my memory is erased.
The footprints I’ve left are lost in
the feet that mark the path through life we take.
A condition cast upon me from birth-
I am but a vessel of dust, still I ache
To ascend into the firmament
Where the clay that seals my eyes shut will break
To the gleam of understanding. I once
negligible to the world, now awake
from the mystery of my misery:
I cannot paint the beauty that I see
So now you give me words though I cannot speak?
Case Catherine Jul 2018
Thirsty, there is no water I will drink
Because my thirst will not be satisfied.
Hungry, I can find no food to eat
that will feed the longings of my appetite.
I observe a world painted with love
And I have somehow become colorblind.
There is neither music nor poetry
To stimulate my apathetic mind.
No, even in hearing the sweetest words
from the dearest friends, their voice will not sing
in the way that it so often has done.
All the deepest words of encouragement
Have not laid to rest my discontent.
Case Catherine Apr 2019
You can't stay down
there's nothing there to see
But the sun could never rise
without first setting over me.
We don't like to think
in terms of staying down.
the sky is just my ceiling
and the hardwood floor
becomes my solid ground.
I stay down.

No soil here
No roots had ever grown.
The sun could be shining in
but I have got no seeds to sow.
We don't like to think
in terms of staying down.
No growth to produce purpose.
In shadows, even
the sun begins to doubt.
I am down

As I lay on my floor,
where I can only look up,
specks of paint on my ceiling
seem more like stars from where I am
resting in the dust.
I trust that the cold floor on my back,
next to my bed will remind me that
there is always space to move some.
Even if ceiling specks are all
that show up in the dark.
Smudges and shadows
pretending to be stars.
Both of us are wishing
to be more than what we are.
I am wishing on them-
my celestial specks, feigning
a well of wealth
I am feigning
that all is well.
Laying where
the shadows fell.
So that nobody
can see me down.
Case Catherine Jan 2021
My mind begins to cave again
under the weight of every brokenness.
All my walls collapse as I breathe in
There is death inside this oxygen.

I called into my suffering.
My crying voice, I heard return to me.
Crumbled wall compose a symphony
With the echos of my disbelief.
Case Catherine Nov 2018
If I had a name
I would keep it to myself
If I had a face
you wouldn't know me as well
If I was a person
you would love me
but its worse than
not existing
if i'm just living
for the essence
of what you look for in the present
I'm no futuristic lesson
I've got no story to tell.

If I had a story
I would take out all the bits
about the pain
Unless the sorrow builds up glory
then I would tell it until
the world gave me a name.
But it's worse than
not existing.
I wan't to be known
despite myself.
Is there anybody listening?
If not, I guess
I'm better off without...

Don't stay awake,
I function like a machine
That I better understand
without anybody hearing
Don't try read,
it's just a song that i sing
break my enigma,
now I know what I mean.

Is anybody looking through the
Is anybody looking through the
Is anybody looking through the fame?

Is anybody tending to the
Is anybody tending to the
Is anybody tending to the flame?
Case Catherine Aug 2018
I had said that I would be there by now
but the falling rain causes me to wait,
introspective of the last time I was out
in that direction. Memories delay
my heart from running headlong in anyway.
But those who found me have searched so far
to ask me to join them without a name.
Do I brave the rain? I'll decide in the car.

I had not planned on returning again,
but I fear that in the passing of time
I will be forgotten in the wilderness.
A body, once young, no one will recognize,
A face, once hidden, not needing disguise.
To be known is to be left with their scars.
It is a wound I am desperate to hide.
I watch the fog rise. I'll decide in the car.

Charm is deceptive, beauty is fleeting.
Beauty is fleeting. in years going by
what hardly had come is already leaving.
But I am invited for one last time
to light the flame of desire inside
before I am doomed to fade from the stars.
The clouds already start to hide their sky.
Should I shine tonight? I'll decide in the car.

The road is straight, but my heart wonders, lost.
Through regret and fear , and rain falling hard.
Addiction fulfills at such high a cost,
A line to be crossed? I'll decide in the car
*** addiction, regret, beauty, and aging
Case Catherine Aug 2018
Light shines,
shine your light on me?
Stars reflecting
brightly off the sea
in the night that is keeping me
and all of mankind who struggle
through the crashing waves silently.

Wind chimes
playing melodies
carry my life
in the subtle breeze
they are not the only ones that sing.
We join in a chorus of notes
Singing strong, though quietly.

And though words may not come tonight,
Tomorrow we will rise.
When hope seems to have lost its life,
we stand with the sun and rise.
Case Catherine Jan 2021
Are you the one who’s waiting
Here to save me?
Maybe you could change my mind.
Are you seeing what I see
when you stand beside me?
Maybe you could save my life
And see me beautiful.
When all of my colors have turned out wrong
paint a picture of me with your mind.
Build a gallery for me to reside
And keep me.
Walk my rows from time to time,
hold the hope I’ll come alive.
Break my frames, breathe in my life.
Break my frames, breathe in my life
And see me beautiful.
Case Catherine Jan 2021
Unto you the whole earth be given.
By Devine breath, that which is dust
Be brought into the realm of the living.
Through love created, by wisdom designed
Intentionally in the Lord’s own image.
What is it to you that seems pleasing to
Eat? What limits you now will no longer
If you would reach out your hand to
the fruit and feast on that which is withheld.
What matter of conscience deters you?
What causes you to hesitate?
Case Catherine Aug 2018
He slayed
countless hours
behind barred doors, a cell
putting to death
his beasts
About my brother, who is in jail, a drug and alcohol addict
Case Catherine Nov 2018
Can I know you?
What I see is a hand
that slams and scatters
dust, children of a world
left alone and battered.
Is this the life that you breathe?
or is it just my inferior logic?
This this would seem to me to be
your power play to take away
and intimidate with the flame-
Fire breather verses artless offender.
No contender could hope to withstand,
least the child you hold in your hand.
Ask, "Who do you say that I am?"
As the platform begins to turn
rolling over voices needing to be heard.
"Don't let us go down to the pit
where your fires of vengeance are lit
let me live.
Let me live.
How have I come to believe
that this is the fire you breathe?

I fight the heat!
If you breathe out life
I bleed out my frustration!
Immortalized
in these wounds of hatred.
it would seem to me
that this breath is a fire you've wasted.
And doesn't that just make us the same then?
I would look to the fire
to light up solemn spaces,
but it's behind the flame
that you've hidden your face and
the lie that I find:
that the fires refining.
But it just seems to me now
that the fire is dying,
demystifying.

And I can't sit with this,
surrounded by shadows of stranger faces
as your fire begins to dim.
I am left alone in the silent places
Case Catherine Aug 2018
Teach me
how to see everything
extravagant, as it is.
Judging from where I am
only few could survive
your world-you've created
one way. I cannot find it alone.
Threatened by constant foes
hidden beyond my sight, though
every path, you know
leads through suffering
onto the final
redemption I cannot see.
Determined I follow you there.
Case Catherine May 2019
The stars have all hidden behind
clouds tonight. The moon stands on her own.
Though the clouds will show no silver line,
still the Earth expects the moon to glow.

She longs for morning to cover her
to keep her lesser light unknown.
But the Earth, clouds, and stars concur:
Tonight the moon should stand alone.
Case Catherine Aug 2018
The Queen of heaven, she is a serpent
and the dust would be her home to reside
had I not so ardently reached out my
hand beneath her in order to arise
a spectral form from my sagacious snake.
A wraith, a shadow of what is divine-
a simple trick that fools a simple mind.
For from the dust she spoke in lofty terms
much beyond my scope of comprehension.
Half truths unquestioned are riddles affirmed
as wisdom. Deliberate ignorance
was my fall, and so her power affirmed.
Shall I now toil to flee from her
forevermore, a prison I have earned.
Case Catherine Jul 2018
The time has come, so long have I delayed
In saying the arduous goodbye
Like a mourning dove who must now part ways
And leave behind the warmth of summer time.
Autumn befalls me, I now cannot wait
Though I would risk the cold and wait behind
If she were to request that I would stay
And bear the cold of winter by her side.
But to my longing there is no avail
For in my departure she is silent
As a furious river hushed by ice,
Still more powerful than a violent gale
Stealing away all the suns benefit.
So alone I journey into the night.
Case Catherine Apr 2019
I want for you to tell me
how far that we have traveled
point out the faces passing by.
'Some will not be familiar
some have passed on with time
but you're the one that saved my life.
I wrote you this
though I'm so tired.
I know that I'll see you again.
I'm holding on
for these last miles.
This road is coming to an end.

Tonight
meet me there
tonight
where you found me.
At the end of the road.
Tonight
meet me there
tonight
I want you by me
because I can't go alone

I hoped that you'd Stay with me
in places marked with shadow.
I tried so hard, but couldn't hide.
I hoped that you'd remember
my name even when I lied
and walk back with me to the light.
I wrote you this.
And I'm so sorry!
I know I failed the first time.
Please come again,
stay for the journey.
I need you here to say goodbye.

Tonight
meet me there
tonight
where you found me
when I spoke the first time.
tonight
meet me there
tonight
I want you by me
when I say goodbye.
Lyrics to a song I wrote for a friend who stayed by my side when I relapsed into my addiction.
Case Catherine Jul 2018
I pray that my heart would never fall captive
To the lure of love’s exquisite calling.
In my weakness, its eternal trapping
clings steady with no hope of ransom.
If love returns to me, then I with haste
embrace my keeping. But all I know:
the vile passion of my soul, where with
love I wrestle, by love I am defeated
as one who waits alone in the quiet,
starving for love, but love would not feed me.
Will I be tortured to my death? Lest I
Should live the rest of my life unnourished
And the pangs of hunger return to me each hour?
Will in my weakness love always flourish?
Love’s lie has defeated all of my courage.
Case Catherine Aug 2018
We worship the lesser lights as kings.
Created gods, created deities?
Watch in wonder the life that they grow,
but upon them all was life bestowed.
So, before the Lord they also sing.

Fervent in their duel for authority,
for power must be won among these
charlatan god’s, and so they come and go.
We worship the lesser lights.

Man, holding little priority,
a subject, a slave to the god he feeds.
In life, laboring to please a shadow,
An afterthought created without hope.
We worship the lesser lights.
Case Catherine Jul 2018
What great sin have I committed that you
stay so far off? Speak it and I will repent!
For in your silence, it would seem that you
desire me crushed in my loneliness.
Did I not rot in my shame until your
kindness drew me to mournful repentance?
And yet I rot just as I had before
When death you would not allow me to have!
What strides, if any, have been made if still
my darkness returns to me? And what plan
was conceived that dismal night if I am
only to find myself in this place again?
If this darkness again should fill my life
then let me not wake from it one more night!
Case Catherine Jul 2018
The birds have a song, joyous they sing
as earth disappears beneath their wings.
Each new morning, I wake to their song,
but what must I do to please my God?

A rose will grow each year in its place,
through winter cold and snow, it waits.
The beauty of spring arises from the fog,
but what must I do to please my God?

The stars guide us in season and time.
Hidden by clouds, still they align,
lighting the night when it seems so long.
But what must I do to please my God.
Case Catherine Jul 2018
Where did you go? Slowly melted away
like winter snow in April. I watched you
drift away, though in months past you did fall
so heavy, yet, weightless my heart lifted
as a song, as a silent carol sung
in response to the warm atmosphere
you had wrapped me in, while cold to the touch.
Love, like fire, ignites senseless beauty-
It just was, and still is, and I accept
love’s mysterious allure-glistening
as a street light shines on falling snow
flakes, in which way you did fall on my
numb lips and slowly dissolved in love’s warm embrace.
Or was it I who dissolved next to you?
No longer in body, but a spirit
and you were the breeze that carried
me-a leaf, a remnant of seasons past.
All to soon, my love, you would pass as well.
Though beautiful as a still winters night,
I couldn’t keep you from passing in season.
Leaving me to burn and freeze at one time.
Case Catherine Jul 2018
What should I do, O God, what should I do?
I know not what you require of me this day!
As I attempt to mend my broken mind,
Why on deaf ears fall the words that I pray?
Or is it silence that you desire?
Then seal my lips and silent I will be!
But only then speak! For in the absence
Of words I am drawn to a restless sleep.
For the Lord I was created, and my heart
Will not find rest until it rests in He
who calls the sun to rise every morning
yet will not allow its warmth to reach me.
Why, in my distress do you stand so far away?
Why on deaf ears fall the words that I pray?

— The End —