Lost and alone.
So much to offer,
Yet so little faith.
No self-belief.
So much potential,
Yet so much pain.

25. Where has the time gone?
Where are the blessings and fortunes,
We were promised in our young days?
Work hard they said.
Those who don't give up shall prosper,
They said.
Our mothers told us we are the kings and queens.
We deserve nothing but the best.

But 25 years later,
Of working hard.
Giving it our all.
Yet no luck.
Days are dark.
Friends are few.
No one is true.
Where is the happiness,
They assured us?

25. You should be married by now.
What have you achieved?
What are you working towards?
Where do you see yourself in the future?
Why are you not doing anything?
What is wrong with you?
Why are you not like other kids?
They ask.


25. Half way to 50.
So young,
Yet so old.
So many decisions to make,
Yet so little time.
Not enough resources,
To make it through.

25. Don't give up.
You are 25.
You still have time.
It gets better.
They all say.
But what if I don't see the light?
Do I hold on to the darkness,
And pray to see the sun?

25. So much to live for,
Yet suicidal thoughts,
Are more and more regular.
Prayers are less and less.
Am I praying to the walls?
Is there a God?
Where is He?

25. Unanswered prayers,
And self-doubt.
Could there be other forces,
Bringing me down ?
Forcing me in to the darkness ?
Who do I pray to?
For salvation and light.

25. I have been waiting for you.
I have been picturing you all my life.
And you are not what I imagined.
At all.
You are confusing.
You are filled with dullness.
You make me not want to live anymore,
25.

So many questions.
No valid answers.
People just say what they want.
No true direction.
Not real inspiration.
And I see other 25s,
They have it figured out.
Who did they pray to?

25. No compelling purpose.
On a path of despair.
A path to depression,
And anxiety.
A gloomy route to hopelessness.
When you lay down you can hear,
Your demons whisper.
Are they ever going to leave me alone?
These demons?

25. I am not fond of you.
You make me want to turn back the time,
And choose not to never meet you.
What will my mama do if she found me,
Dead in my shower because of you.
And your beasts.
I have had enough of you,
25.

what a brutal exchange of words
between long time friends
we're each grabbing on to our sharpest knives
fighting for our dear lives
to the death
we used to be mates, till death
do us apart
yet here we are, torn apart
you're using what i told you hushedly
as amour to shred me
as you attack me
and continue to attack me
i'm in awe
we made a vow
i trusted you once
i loved you once
wholeheartedly so
but we're at war now, so
my sword is my words
i do not mean to cause wounds
only to teach
only to reach
out to you, the level of distress
the merciless mess
you have caused me
how did we get here?
when did we get here?
we cared for each other
did we not, care deeply for each other?
you said i used you, i'm to blame
did you not do the same?
your bruised male ego
stood no chance against
my female manipulation
i can be toxic beyond imagination
as we block one another,
i hope 'tis the last we e'er hurt each other
i hope we're even now
i hope we ne'er meet again
your words cut deeper than a blade to the skin
i don't curse you, you only longed to be seen
'tis not your fault i could ne'er love you
the way that you needed me to
'twas always romantic for you,
'twas always more platonic for me.
i'm sorry i couldn't feel
what you wanted me to feel
but your vile words
could split worlds
you can't resent me for something
beyond my control
the heart wants what it wants
and that was ne'er you
forget your vanity,
what about my dignity
you stripped of,
with your ruthless rumble?
it pierced deeper than a needle
it burnt worse than wildfire
i can't stop it from torturing my mind
i trusted you, old friend
you used my trauma against me
everything i told you late at night,
when it was just you and i,
about my dad who left me
my true love who walked out on me
how dare you say it was all my fault?
after all the hard work i've put in
to heal from the pain
how could you be so vain
you're dead to me from this day
on, may we n'ver cross paths again, come what may
alas, old friend

she is a beast you can never feed enough
she keeps coming back for more and more
up to the slightest slither of your soul
she is eternally starving for your state of mind
she will feed and feed on your very soul
whether it is day or night
she will wake you from your slumber
to torture you
she will torture you in your dreams
until you wake
and torture you some more while you're conscious
feed and feed from your very soul with much greed
she will never leave you be
she will forever whisper untruths into your head
unless you are dead
telling you that you are no good
and that no one will ever care nor notice
it will be just you, your subconscious and the unwanted guest
who goes by anxiety
also known as
depression
the shakes
the jitters
the heebie-jeebies
fear of the unknown is what she really is
also known as, your life
ps, you are not alone
we are all twisted
in ways we can't even begin to express
the beast anxiety feasts on us all
and she is eternally famished

For a thousand times,
I can't believe that it took me a thousand times,
To see that you are a thousand times not the man for me.
Maybe I don't love myself as much as I think I do,
Beause if I did, I would have ran a thousand miles away from you.
I would have stayed away from you a thousand times before,
Before I loved you a thousand times once more
As much as I want to kiss you a thousand times,
And a thousand times more.
Hold you a thousand times,
Make sweet love to you a thousand times,
And a thousand times more.
Love you for a thousand years,
And a thousand years more.
You are not the man for me!
It took me a thousand tears to see it,
And a thousand more heart bleeds to believe it.
It might take a thousand more years for me to move on, and a thousand years more.
But I will go on a thousand dates,
I will kiss a thousand frogs,
Until I meet the man for me.
A man a thousand times the man you will ever be.
Because, a thousand truths be told,
You were never meant for for me.
Not by a thousand long shots.
Not in a million thousand years,
And a million thousand years more.
I was foolish for a thousand years,
To ever think that you would love me for a thousand years.
Well here's to a thousand times of regret.
I will raise a thousand tequila shots.
You are not worth my time,
Not even a thousand half seconds.
I am letting you go a thousand times.
May I be free from you a thousand times,
And a thousand times more.
I despise you a thousand times,
For all the thousand lies.
Playing me a thousand times over and over.
You can bet a thousand bucks that it is over.
One hundred thousand times, I am done!
Forget the thousand times I crawled back to you.
Forget the thousand times I ran back into your arms once more.
I can do a thousand times better than you,
And a thousand times more.
You are dead to me for a thousand times,
And a thousand times more.
For all the thousand times you've hurt me.
For all the thousand times you failed to put me first.
For all the thousand times I thought something was wrong with me,
I hope you burn a thousand times in a thousand hell fires.
For the first time in a thousand years
I choose to put me first,
For a thousand times and a thousand times more.
For I am a thousand times the woman worthy,
Of a man worth a thousand doses of my love.
Love wasted on you a thousand times,
And a thousand times more.
I deserve a thousand times more.
I am worth a thousand times more.

Azania, malibuye izwe lwethu.
Mayibuye iAfrika, izwe lwethu

Africa, where have you gone?
Africa, what happened to you?

We breathe poverty.
27 years into liberty.
Yet, not much has changed.
The black man remains estranged.
No land, no wealth.
No access to health.
The black man is educated and unemployed.
His voice is meaningless and void.
The black man is a criminal.
Not a trustworthy individual.

Azania. Libuya nini izwe lwethu?
Ibuya nini iAfrika yethu?

Africa, where have you gone?
Africa, what happened to you?

Where is the black child's fortune?
When does he get to sing a happy tune?
When does he move out of the small shack?
When does he get his ancestors' land back?
No one will hire him, he doesn't own a car.
He lives too far.
He's below the par.
Where he's from, there's no tar.
His shoes pick up clouds of dust.
Victim to a system so unjust.

Azania. Libuya nini izwe lwethu?
Ibuya nini iAfrika yethu?

Africa, where have you gone?
Africa, what happened to you?

Our mothers know nothing but pain.
They wipe kitchens spotless, all in vain.
Our fathers toil in the gardens.
Prayers have become burdens.
Government officials care for nothing but their pockets.
While we cry tears filling buckets.
Is this the Africa we fought for?
Is this the freedom we fought for?
Africa is singing a burning weep.
Her sorrows run deep.

She is asking, "what about my children?"
"What will become of them?"
She can't bear to see it.
Unite Africa with her children.
She longs to see them prosper.
Africa loves her children.
They don't deserve to suffer any longer.
From the hands of the ruthless ruler.
They are her pride and joy.
She wants to see them enjoy,
Her rich soil.
Profit from her natural oil.
Her pure silver.
Her dazzling diamonds.
Her excellent copper.
Her soft gold.

Abantwana base Afrika mabaphile.
Inhlupheko yase Afrika mayiphele.

iAfrika mayibuye.
Mayibuye iAfrika.

Barely existing
Drifting through space
Can't feel my face
Barely existing
Surviving on intoxication
Need a paid vacation
Barely existing
Consumed by my own thoughts
More tequila shots
Barely existing
Lord hear my cry
Help me get by
Barely existing
What am I living for
What am I here for
Barely existing
Can't see purpose
Dead inside I suppose
Barely existing
Barely living
Need saving
Somebody help
Please anybody help
Help me get by
Lord hear my cry
I'm barely existing
I need fixing
I am broken
Have I been forsaken
Barely existing
I need healing

If my loneliness could talk;
It would say,
"*****, I'm tired of you.
Get some friends!"

If my depression could talk;
It would say,
"*****, I'm tired of you.
Get some antidepressants!"

If my anxiety could talk;
It would say,
"*****, I'm tired of you.
Take a chill pill!"

If my sorrow could talk;
It would say,
"*****, I'm tired of you.
Find some happiness!"

If my bank account could talk;
It would say,
"*****, I'm tired of you.
Find a side hustle!"

If my career could talk;
It would say,
"Girl, bye.
Where is the bag we've been chasing?"

If my ****** could talk;
It would say,
"*****, I'm tired of you.
Get a ****. Seriously!"

If my car could talk;
It would say,
"*****, I'm tired.
Upgrade already!"

If my liver could talk;
It would say,
"*****, we're tired.
Find a new coping mechanism!"

If my brain could speak;
It would say,
"*****, I'm tired.
Stop thinking!"

If my stomach could talk;
It would say,
"*****, I'm tired.
Stop over eating!"

If my lungs could talk;
They would say.
"Girl, stop.
Stop with them cigarettes!"

If my phone could talk;
It would say,
"*****, I'm tired.
Get a life!"

If alcohol could talk;
It would say,
"*****, I'm tired.
Leave me the **** alone, your body is rejecting me!"

If my body could talk;
It would say,
"Girl, I'm overweight.
Please hit the gym!"

If the color black could talk;
It would say,
"*****, I'm tired.
Wear something else!"

If my heart could talk;
It would say,
"Girl, forget him.
He ain't ****!"

If my future could talk;
It would say,
"Girl, hold on.
Better days are coming!"

If my hopes and dreams could talk;
They would say,
"***** what the actual ****?
Where are we? What is this place?"

Black lives matter
My life matters

You can't **** me because of my color
My life is valuable like any other
I don't deserve to be punished or to suffer
For being a person of color
Your actions are viscous, your words are ******
You dishonor my origin and my culture
I was made in God's image
Don't be fooled by your privilege
I bleed the same way that you do
I am as human as you
Why do you hate me?
What makes you want to hate me?
You don't even know me
Yet you find me appalling
Your hatred towards me is alarming
I am not a criminal
Your issues with me are purely political

Black lives matter
My life matters

This is a sensitive issue to many like you
Controversial yet the question is long overdue
Why do you hate me?
What have I done to make you hate me?
I've done you no wrong, sir
I don't even know you, sir
I can't breathe, sir
Please get your knee off of my neck, sir
Is it me you fear or my greatness
How I thrive regardless
Of your contempt towards me
Your resentment towards me
Is it really me you hate?
Or is it yourself you loathe the most?
Is it my soft melanin skin
That offends you and pushes you to sin?
You'd rather **** me
Than admire me
You'd rather step on me
Than accept me
How dare you despise God's own creation?
Do you not pray to the same God for salvation?
Do you not praise His name and call Him the creator of all life?
Yet you see no substance to my life
Is it God you hate then?
For creating me, because I'm certainly not to blame
My life is not yours for the taking
I am God's very own making

My life matters
I matter

Black lives matter

Darkness
It's everywhere
When I close my eyes
And when I open my eyes
It's in my mind
It clutters my soul
It's in my heart
It's in my head
It's everywhere
I can't escape it
Nor can I contain it
It smothers me
It controls me
I see it
I feel it
Everywhere
It leads the way
But I can't see
Anything
Or anyone
I can only hear
Here and there
It's so dark
Everywhere
I can't see
Can't see where I'm going
Or where I come from
I see darkness
I see nothing
Everywhere

Dead inside. I feel nothing
Nothing but self loathing
My heart is ice cold
I watch the darkness unfold
My soul is dead
Emptiness is my daily bread
Happiness is a distant thought
My hatred is self taught
I despise life
Slit my throat with a knife
And I will feel pain no more
I have nothing to live for
I am dead inside
No where left to hide
I am dead inside

Dear depression - You and your friend anxiety.
You have no power over me, and my sanity.
Do you know how happy I am when you fail to show?
Oh! I wish you would know.
How complete my life is without your unwanted baggage!
But somehow you always creep up on me, don't you? You savage!
Well, I put my foot down today!
You've had your way with me, but that was yesterday!
I will outlive you.
I will crush you.
You have no place here in my heart.
Remove yourself from my life, you filthy dirt.
No more shall you make me feel small and unworthy.
From now on, I will be free and healthy.
No more of your sad, sad feelings.
No more of your evil, evil dealings.
I choose to be free!
I choose to be me!
Get away from me, why don't you?
I am more valuable than what you make it seem true.
I am no failure. I am no quiter.
I am a survivor. I am a true fighter.
I have seen you take lives from their beloved.
But here with me you are over powered.
Listen when I say your days are numbered.
You have no power here!
I wish to make this crystal clear!
So please pack all your things and go.
I don't want to feel you in my space anymore!
I hate the way that you make me feel.
How much more of me do you want to steal?
You nasy parasite.
Please get out of my sight!
I'd give anything to see you dead and burried.
My friends and family out here worried.
Because of you and your friend anxiety.
I want my life back, along with my sanity.
Farewell depression.
Till we never meet again!

God I need you now more than ever.
In your word You promised to stay by my side forever.
Your word promises eternal love and amity.
Stay with me for all eternity and show me peace and serenity.
Help me live a life of purpose and fulfillment.
Help me release all the doubt and resentment.

Lord I need Your presence in my life.
I bring my burden to you and my endless strife.
Unburden me Dear God and carry me under your wings.
Heal me of the world's pains and stings.
In You I place my hope and my trust.
Save me from sin and unjust.

Dear God my heart is broken and I feel weak.
Your strength and guidance is all I seek.
I know that You are always true and faithful.
I know that You watch over me and I am forever grateful.
Dear God please hear my cry for salvation.
Dear God please hear my call for redemption.

I forgive you for yesterday.
For the day before today.
For the years before this one.
For all the years that have gone.
I want you to know that it's all well.
The past is not for us to dwell.
You have made some mistakes.
But it's all sweet cakes.
Your past will never define you.
Your future is right in front of you.
Forget all you have done wrong.
Sing a happy cheerful song.
Find peace and freedom.
The world is your kingdom.
You are fit to reign.
Dance through the rain .
You are a queen and nothing less.
You are forgiven for all the mess.
We learn and we grow. That's how it goes.
Smile you beautiful rose.
You are forgiven.
Appreciate the life you were given.
Don't forget to live.
Don't forget to forgive.

Love.
Me.

I refuse to die.
Life's not perfect, yet 'tis mine.
Mine for the taking.
Mine to find awakening.
No, I am not leaving.
Yes, my heart's bleeding.
I refuse to die.
Life's not perfect, yet' tis mine.
I refuse to let go.
Even if I am poor.
I refuse to go.
I will ne'er let go.
I wake with swollen eyes.
Weary from worldly ties.
Depression will not take me.
Death shall not have me.

***** dishes in the sink
Overflowing laundry basket
Dirt on the carpet
Expired food in the fridge
Shoes in each corner
Clogged drain
Grime in the bathtub
Cigarette buds on the floor
Empty wine bottles
Dust on the TV
Cartoons on repeat
Trash bags
Empty takeout boxes on the counter
Haven't showered
Haven't cleaned in weeks
She's not untidy
Not unclean
She's not *****
She's in a dark place
Mentally
She's depressed

Depression took her
No one could save her.
She had been miserable for a while.
The world was vicious, and vile.
But when depression forced her hand,
She followed her darkest demon's demand.
She could not take it any longer.
What didn't **** her, didn't make her any stronger.
No one noticed her silent cry for help.
No one saw her in the night when she wept and wept.
And now everyone is astonished.
"How can she leave everything she's accomplished? "
But her beasts overpowered her will to live.
She had nothing, nothing left to give.
So, she gave in, and depression took her.
Yet, no one seemed to care.
She had no one to lend a caring heart, nor an ear.
So she ended it all without doubt, nor fear.
She reached her very lowest peak.
Felt ever so weary, and ever so weak.
No one was there to pull her out of her misery.
No one to say: "hold on, in the end there is victory."
No one to break her out of the darkness, into the light.
No one to convince her that life was worth the fight.
But what does one do, when everything around you is destroyed?
When your prayers seem to be nothing, but null and void?
Do you hold on to the darkness, and pray to make it through the night?
Who do you pray to, for salvation and light?
Depression took her.
No one could save her.
Some called her a brave coward.
But all she was really, was tired.
From all the endless hurt and the pain.
So she slit through her own vein.
And watched it bleed, and bleed.
As she fell into an eternal sleep.
She was exhausted from life.
So she took a sharp knife,
And she let depression take ker.
No one could saver her.
From feeling like she didn't belong.
Like everything was all wrong.
She had no place here.
She didn't fit in here.
When she tried to voice out how she wasn't coping.
All everyone said was: "toughen up and stop moping,
This is life. Just pray about it and talk to God"
But a million prayers later, she was left alone in the world.
So, depression took her.
No one could save her.
She imagined that death would be peaceful and painless.
Cause lately, all she had been feeling was worthless and faithless.
So she looked death in the eyes, and said:
"Death you're my only way out. I'm too sad. I'm just too sad"
So she wrote a long letter to her mother saying: "I'm sorry, I hope all is forgiven."
"Maybe I'm better off as an angel, looking down upon you in heaven."
"All that I tried to be happy, I have failed."
"I'm sorry I couldn't make you proud. Sorry if you feel betrayed. *
Even the strongest of people feel fragile sometimes.
Life can be overwhelming at times.
They say: "check on your stong friends, cause depression is real."
Everyone needs someone to be there when you standing on the edge of a hill.
All it took really, was just one bad day.
One bad day, that led her astray.
Not knowing where her soul would land.
She didn't care as long as her bones remained six feet under the sand.
She would be free.
Free to be who she had always wanted to be.
Nobody.
It's funny how people start caring after you die.
"We had no idea! Why did she do it. Why?"
"We thought she was just fine"
"She always laughed and smiled"
Smiles and all, depression still took her.
Still, no one could save her.

Disconnected from the universe
Can things get any worse
I'm trapped in a lonely corner
I'm nothing but a lonely loner
All alone. All by myself
I have nothing left
I have nothing left to offer
The going keeps getting tougher
What do I have to do
No where left to go
Stuck between these four walls
Forgive me but I don't have the *****
To carry on this meaninglessness path
I'm sitting here holding my breath
Praying to see redemption
Holding on to the presumption
That it gets better
That somehow I matter
But I feel disconnected
It's like the world has not accepted
Me as my own person
My life seems to worsen
Each day there's a new lesson
Each day is depression
Depression and disconnect
This is foul play I suspect

Does loneliness ****?
Is it fatal?
Surely I'll be dead soon.
Or I'll jump off a hill.

Does loneliness talk?
Can it hold a conversation?
I'm certain I can hear it's voice.
I do nothing but sulk.

Is it a disease?
I feel sick.
It's like I'm going mad.
When does it cease?

Is it possible to feel so empty?
When there's billions of people.
Could I possibly die alone?
With no one to save me.

Fear of failing
Fear of falling
Fear

Fear of giving up
Fear of letting go
Fear

Fear that I may not have the strength
Fear that I may not have enough faith
Fear

Consumed by fear
Imprisoned by fear
Weary of fear

Fear of dying
Before I make it through
I am trying

To stay faithful and true
Keep my head above the misty dew
But I fear

I fear
I fear for tomorrow
I fear endless sorrow

Fear that I may die alone
Fear that I  may never see these tears gone
Fear

Fear of becoming nothing
Fear that I may never achieve something
Fear

Fear of being no one
Fear of being loved by no one
Fear

Fear that I may never see the light
Fear that I may never win this fight
Fear

I fear for my life
I am scared to give
Anymore of me to fear

Fear
Fear I may never overcome my fears
Never see my happy years

Fear
I am my deepest fear
Fear of losing everything I hold dear

Misery is a pool of blood,
And I am drowning in it.
I can't swim,
To save my life.

Melancholy is a golden necklace,
And I wear it.
Across my neck,
Like a medal.

Regret is a silver bracelet,
And I wear it.
On my wrist,
All the time.

Pain is a glass of chardonnay,
And I sip on it.
Like water,
Every single day.

Depression is my crown,
And I wear it.
Proudly on my head,
Like a prize.

Congratulations to me.
I am the saddest person,
To ever walk the earth.
Finally, I win.

Finally, I am good at something.
I am good at feeling miserable.
Feeling sad and depressed.
Feeling regretful.

Floods are coming.
I hope you drown first,
Before everyone else.
Storms are calling.
I hope you get stuck first,
Before everyone else.
For not responding,
To my texts.

God says

God says: I see you
God says: I am always true
I see all your weary tears
I know all your mortifying fears
I see your deepest, most darkest pain
Your sorrows are never in vain
He says: I hear your burning weep
I see you struggle to fall asleep
From all the thoughts that haunt you
From all the demons that chase you
He says: Come to me and trust in my love
I am the one true God up above
I am constantly by your side
I stay faithful when you abide
God says: Talk to me about all that you are feeling
I see you in the night when you are kneeling
And can't find the words to express your buried emotion
I want you to know that I admire your devotion
I watch over you
I send my angels to guide you
God says: You are my child
Release the hurt that troubles your mind
I will not forsake you
I will never leave you
I can never change
The earth is not your cage
God says: I want you to live
I want you to forgive
God says: I love you
He says: I care for you
Open up your heart and hear His word
Feel His spirit that travels through the world
Stay true to your undeniable calling
Even when it feels like you are forever falling
Because God says:  I see you
I am loving and true
Stay devoted to your path
You will never have to feel my wrath
I am the one true God up above
I sent my only son to you all out of love
God says: I am here
I see all that you bear
All the burden that you carry
But you don't have to worry
Because I am God and I love you
I am God and I love you
You don't have to feel alone
You don't have to be alone
I am here
I am your God and I am here
I am always here
God says: I am forever here

My dear old lover and friend
I write this with tear filled eyes
A broken and scattered heart
I just heard the news of your passing
I heard that you were violently torn from this earth
You were not at fault
You fell victim to senseless behavior
My condolences are with your family
And all those you held dear
Including me I hope
I'm deeply saddened by your sudden departure
You deserved so much more
I wish you had lived longer to realize your dreams
But unfortunately you were called to the heavens
I truly hope that you are in a better place
I hope that you have found great peace
Rest in eternal power and peace
I am sorry you had to leave the world of the living so soon
Gone but never forgotten
Lost but never forsaken

With love
Your old friend
Goodbye old friend

Everything is working in my favor.
I am not cursed.
I am blessed.
My ancestors are working behind the scenes.
God has released all my blessings.
Everything is working out for my greater good.
I may not see it.
But it's true.
My suffering will end.
I will live the life I dream of.
I am becoming the best version of myself.
My angels are working hard,
To get me to where I need to be.
Everything is working in my favor.
I am not cursed.
I am blessed beyond measure.
I thank God.
I thank my angels.
In advance,
For what I'm about to witness.
I am becoming.
I am greatness defined.

Lol you hate me.
You must really hate me.
What does Grey tick even mean?
I'm not thinking of you?
I don't care for you?
You mean nothing to me?
What does it really mean?
Blue tick means, I read your message.
I read your message and couldn't care less.
I cared just enough to open the message,
And read it.
Without responding.
I mean I get it.
It's no obligation.
But Grey tick?
Not only was your message delivered,
I did not care enough to open it.
Do you find me that revolting?
Was it something I said?
Is it the way I look?
Is it the way I talk?
The manner in which I carry myself?
Which one is it?
Honestly, I'd rather you read my message and make the obvious choice to ignore me.
I took my time to think, type and send.
The least you can do is read.
Grey tick?
It's beneath me!
I deserve better.
I might be a nuisance,
But I deserve the truth.
Rather block me,
Stick a knife in my heart,
Smash my head in with a brick,
Poison my food,
Slit my throat,
Shoot me in the head,
Scratch my eyes out,
Smother me to death.
Than Grey tick me!
I'm offended.
I'm human.
How am I not worth a simple Blue tick?
Lol you hate me.
You must really hate me.

Roaring pain lingering timelessly
Grief haunting my soul tirelessly
It is my dear love, forced to the other side kicking and screaming
Please wake me for I must be dreadfully dreaming
My beloved was violently torn from my arms and eyes
Save me from this sorrow and tell me it's all lies
Tell me my beloved still draws breath
Tell me my beloved was not taken by death
I find peace in believing that it's for the best
That there is no suffering in final rest
I sincerely hope that it is true
Because I still long for you

Happiness!
Oh sweet cheerful happiness.

You're so far to reach.
You're impossible to teach.

How does one get to you?
How does one achieve you?

I have tried all the positive thinking.
All the joyful singing.

Do I not deserve you?
Am I not fit to have you!?

Am I not worthy of you?
Tell me what I have to do?

Am I too sad to attract you?
Am I not ready to receive you ?

You never seem to show up.
I'm always just so ******* up.

My relationship with you is unhealthy happiness.
Some days you show but only for a split second and no less.

I want you in my life happiness.
I need you in my life happiness.
As God is my witness.
Save me from this illness,
That is in my mind and all this craziness.
Please I beg of you happiness.

Come to me and erase all this sadness
Save me from my unhappiness

I'm tired of feeling all this loneliness.
I'm walking around faceless,
From all the pretence of my fake happiness.
I long for the real you happiness.

Show your face, where are you happiness!?
Without you I feel so meaningless.
My life seems to be so worthless.
I feel lack of direction and passiveness.

I find no reason to be passionate.
I feel weak and helpless

Oh happiness,
Sweet cheerful happiness.

Sons of the soil.
Daughters of the soil.
Wake up and rejoice, for its the day of your heritage.
Celebrate your culture, for it is your privilege.

You are Africa, Africa is you.
A nation so diverse and true.
A real rainbow nation.
Deeply rooted in our tradition.

Nna ke mo Tswana, ebile ke motlotlo ka bo Tswana bame.
Nna ke mo Pedi, ebile ka ikgantsha ka go nna mo Pedi.
Mna ndi ngum Xhosa, ubona nje, ndiyazi dla ngo buXhosa bam.
Mina ngi ngum Zulu qobo, futhi ngiyazi qhenya.

On this day, remember who you are.
On this day, commemorate who you are.
Take pride in your true identity.
Let there be peace and serenity.
In South Africa our land.
Together may we all stand.

Le ga ole moTswana wa Afrika.
Noba ungu m'Xhosa wase Afrika.
Le ha ole mo Sotho wa Afrika Borwa.
Are rataneng. Masi thandaneni.

On this day, speak your mother tounge.
On this day, sing your clan song.
A moTswana eme a kgibe.
UmXhosa maka phakame axhentse.
UmZulu maka sukume agide.
A moPedi a emelle bine.

Sons of the soil.
Daughters of the soil.
Wake up and rejoice, for its the day of your heritage.
Celebrate your culture, for it is your privilege.

This is for you.

This is for the woman with a heart of pure gold.
The young, strong, beautiful and bold.
This is for the sister with tears in her eyes,
Her striking smile still shines.
Hiding all the ache and affliction.
Behind that smile close to perfection,
Is a mother with a broken heart.
Praying for her home not to fall apart.
Husband not so true to his vows that he made in front of God.
Crumbling before her eyes is her whole world.
This is for the girl with a bruised face.
Holding back the tears as she stares into space.
Someone who claims to love her harmed her in that way.
He keeps saying sorry but today is the same as it was yesterday.
This is for the teenage girl who got *****,
Wishing she could have escaped.
She notices her body starting to change,
He growing stomach seems strange.
Another teenage parent,
This is how she fell pregnant,
She fell victim to the most painful crime,
By someone whom she trusted this time.
This is for the unemployed single mother.
Trying to raise her kids with a deceased husband and father.
Striving for every meal,
In the most terrible ordeal.
This is for all the strong ladies out there.
Who live through all the pain and fear.
And for every time you shed a tear,
God is observing.
So don't stop preserving.
You are the heart of the nation.
God's most loved creation.
Forgive all the brothers who wounded you.
For the skies are still blue.
And you are the heart of the nation.
God's most powerful creation.

Trust in the skies above.
Believe in everlasting love.
Have hope,
Don't sit and mope.
Hope in the stars.
Despite all your scars.
Everything happens for a reason.
Pain is only for a season.
Live and forgive.
Open up your heart and give.
Give love. Show kindness.
Possibilities are endless.
Have hope,
Don't just sit and mope.
Stay hopeful.
Stay grateful.
Find your purpose and fulfill it.
Grab onto life by the horns and live it.
Love unconditionally.
Live unapologetically.
Above all, have hope,
Life's too short to sit and mope.

Hope?
Oh, he left me.
I wasn't good enough for him.
Left, said he was coming back.
Never saw him again.
I tried to keep Hope by my side.
Nothing I didn't do for Hope.
I told Hope that I loved him.
That I needed him.
But he vanished.
Couldn't bear the mere sight of me.
Couldn't bear to hear me say his name over and over.
"I have Hope!"
"Hope is all I need"
I kept on proclaiming.
Looked back, and he was gone.
Didn't text me back.
Didn't bother to phone me back.
Left me there all alone.
Hanging by a thread. Me!
Asking, "has anyone seen Hope?"
"Where is Hope?"
Never laid my eyes upon him again.
Never felt close to him again.
I cried so many tears.
After so many years,
I still miss Hope.
Hope was my friend.
I wish he was still my friend.
After I showed him that I believed in him,
He left.
Now I'm left with despair.
He never leaves.
He's always here.
I need my Hope back.
Does he know I still think of him?
If you happen to cross paths with him,
Please tell him that I miss him.
I miss when we were younger.
We shared so much.
I remember his soft touch.
His kiss.
His embrace.
We would talk dreams all day long.
He made them feel real.
Possible.
Nothing I couldn't do.
Long as I had him.
I'll never know why he left.
I don't know where to find him.
He's a sweet memory now.
I'm with Despair now.
He's not any fun.

Hey! Friend.
I know we haven't talked in a while.
It's been a minute.
I've been so distant.
I've been so caught up.
I've been avoiding catching up.
Because catching up means:"How are you?"
"How have you been?"
For the life in me,
I don't know how to answer that question.
Because I am not okay.
But I don't know how to say,
That I'm not okay.
That life is a hurricane.
That all I feel is pain.
That I am holding on by a thread.
That I wish I was dead.
I don't want to burden you,
With all this negative energy around me.
I'd rather you don't know how I am,
And assume that I am okay.
Than me telling you that I am not okay.
Don't ask me how I am doing.
Don't ask me how I have been.
Cause I can't give you that answer.
Not without falling apart.
Not without breaking my heart.
It hurts.
Everything hurts.
And I can't describe it.
I can't express it.
I am numb.
I have succumbed,
To the darkness.
To the sadness.
So forgive me, but I can't tell you how I am.
I can't tell you how I am really.
I can't tell you that it's better.
Or that I'm no longer bitter,
About things that hurt me in the past.
That I never talk about, but haven't healed from.
I can't tell you cause you'd expect that I've healed by now.
I've moved on by now.
It happened years ago.
But I haven't.
And I can't tell you why.
Simply because I don't know why.
So I'm sorry if you feel like I have changed.
I've become estranged.
But there's emotions I can't put into words.
There's demons I can't escape from.
So it's better if I don't mention them.
So I avoid the question: "How are you?"
When I see those words, my mind starts racing.
Because that's when I remember that I am not okay.
I don't know if I will ever be okay.
I'm sorry if this hurts you.
But trust me, it hurts me more.
It hurts me that my world is so gloomy.
Unfortunately this is my reality.
And I embrace the darkness.
I confide in the darkness.
I'm friends with the darkness.
I don't expect you to understand.
And I'm not asking for your sympathy.
All I ask is that you don't ask me how I am.
Because I don't know how am.
Don't ask me how things are going,
Cause things aren't going.
I'm in a stationary ship.
Until I'm in a brighter place, mentally.
Emotionally.
Physically.
I can't tell you how I am.
So please, don't ask me how I am.

How do I get over you when all the songs remind me of you?
How do I forget all the torment you have put me through?
When you left I lost a part of my very own substance.
I started to question my very own existence.
Suddenly my world turned to gloom.
Suddenly I fell into a destiny of doom.
All of a sudden the skies are grey.
How could you wreck me this way?

I don't care how we met
Don't care how far we may get

You make me feel things I've never felt before
Makes me want you more and more
Your smile, your face, your soft beard
This is exactly what I've always feared
A man who makes me loose control
Touches every single slither of my soul

I don't care how we met
For I know it's not over just yet

The mere sight of your body pleases me
The mere taste of your lips hypnotizes me
It is like I am floating on warm ice
This is real love and I am paying the price
This is what an ****** feels like
This is what loving a real man feels like

I don't care where we met
This is as good as it may get

If I die,
Please save me the long dreaded speeches.
Whatever you never said while I was here,
Should be left unsaid.
Please read my poems outloud.
These were my true emotions.
My real thoughts.
Recite each at high pitch.
Sing my favorite hymn after each.
Save me the tears.
I've cried enough during my living years.
Save me the drama.
I've seen enough trauma.
Spare me the sadness.
I've felt all of it throughout my days.
Just hymns and poems.
I shall smile from above,
And at peace I shall be.

Good day Sir!
Please kindly help me.
I am lost.
I am looking for the road to salvation.
Where there's aspiration and elevation.
Please point me in the right direction.
Where can I find real happiness?
Where can I stumble upon real love?
Do I turn left or right?
Go straight on and continue to fight?
Until I see the light?
Please help me kind sir, I've been seeking all my life.
I've been to the after life.
Searching and pleading.
Bruised, broken and bleeding.
Knelt in the middle of the road and prayed,
But it seems I have been betrayed,
By God's word and my faith.
I've been sent on a wild goose chase.
I've been lurking for days.
On this path to deliverance.
In pursuit of paradise.
I have been lost for so long.
Trying to find where I belong.
I've met demons who led me astray.
And angels who helped pave my way.
I'm exhausted from walking,
I've grown weary from wandering.
My soles are covered in blisters.
People mocking me, I hear their whispers.
"Look at her shoes.
Is this the life she would choose?"
They are whispering so softly,
Yet so loud.
I am beginning to question my sound mind.
People are cruel, yet you seem kind.
Please help me.
I am sorry to disturb your peace,
You're so lucky to have found it.
Have you traveled this route before?
Is there a shorter way? Tell me more.
My feet refuse to carry me any further.
My heart is as light as a feather.
I've run out of breath.
I'm on the verge of death.
Please say you can help me.
I am lost.
I am looking for the road to salvation.
Where there's aspiration and elevation.
Please point me in the right direction.
I've been told that I am the chosen one.
That I shall break the chains of generations to come.
But how can I?
I am so lost.

I am not alone.
I walk with a lineage of greatness.
A bloodline of healers.
A generation of power.

I could water the forest
with my eyes
I could drown the ocean
with my tears
I could move the mountain
with my heart
I could summon the wolves
with my weep
I could cause a tornado
with my breathing
I could die
from sadness

I'd give anything to never see your face again, for it is torture.
Seeing your face everyday, is torture.
Seeing your face everyday, knowing that I will never wake up to it one day.
I'll never know the touch of your hands.
The warmth of your breath against my neck.
The taste of your soft lips upon mine.
The gaze of your eyes upon mine.
Nor your embrace upon me.
Your husky voice when you wake.
It kills me.
Knowing this, kills me.
I'd rather not exist, than live with this.
I'll never hear you say "I love you".
Never hear you say "I miss you".
Never see you cry.
Never watch you dance.
Never hear you sing.
Never see you holding our son.
How is it that you're not meant for me, when I feel this way about you?
When you reside in my mind permanently to no end?
When I don't see myself with another beside me but you?
How is it possible, to love someone so dearly?
Someone who will never feel the same way?
Surely I am ill.
Surely I despise myself.
Surely I am worth nothing.
Surely you hate me as well.
How do you not see me, the way that I see you?
Surely I am hideous to set eyes upon.
Surely I am no one.
And you are everything to me.
I wish for no one else but you.
I long for no one else but you.
I hate this feeling.
I hate every last bit of it.
I hate you!
I love you, I truly do.
But I hate the way that you make me feel about myself.
About the world.
About love.
About you.
Please release me.
Why won't you die, and release me?
I'll never be free for as long as you live.
Release me.
For God's sake.
Release me.
I am tired.
If you won't die, maybe I should.
I'd rather die than see your face again.
I'd give anything to never see your face again, for it is torture.
Even if if means dying.

I feel lonely.
But not only that,
I also feel sad.

I feel anxious.
But not only that,
I also feel extremely overwhelmed.

I feel exhausted.
But not only that,
I also feel very hopeless.

I feel like dying.
But not only that,
I really want to **** myself.

Well here we are, I forgive you.
You never said you're sorry but I forgive you.
I accept the apology I never heard from you.
With this I take back my all strengths.
I have gone through great lengths.
To be able to say this to you here and now.
I've made peace with it somehow,
How you left without reason.
It's a new day. A new season.
So wherever you go,
I want you to know
That I hate you no more.
I mean this from my core.
Fly like a bird you are free to go.
Wherever it is you decide to go,
Please don't ever think to come back.
Stay far away from my track.

I hate you
I don't want to but I do
How could you?
How dare you?

Take me for a fool
Use me like a tool
Man I thought we were cool
But you used me
Abused me
Confused me
Bruised me
How'd I ever love you?
How'd I ever care for you
I don't deserve it
Wish I could reverse it
My love pure, yet you didn't preserve it

I hate you
I don't want to but I do
How could you?
How dare you?

Play me like a toy
**** all my joy
You're an evil boy

I hope he's happy
I hope he's in love
That he's giving it his all
He's not holding back
I hope it ends in a fairly tale for him
And that he finds real love
As for me,
I will heal
And when I finally do
I'll be genuinely happy for him
But for now,
It still hurts

I lost a part of me
Loved you more than I ever loved myself
Placed you on the highest pedestal, forgot about self
Yours was all I ever wanted to be
That is when I lost a part of me
Nothing else mattered if it was not you
Never have I ever been so loyal and so true
Your greatest love was all I ever wanted to be
Somehow, I loved and lost a part of me
The more I loved you, was the more I lost me
I could never find myself again
How could I ever be so insane?
I lost myself, all in vain
And now I suffer eternal pain
I bleed from my heart's core
I cry myself sore
It is as if, I will never find me again
Never love anyone or anything again
Not even myself
All that is left is fear and a hole in my heart
Never thought we would ever be apart
But here I am missing a part of me
And you are out there, living, not knowing that you took a part of me
I am curious, what do you do with it?
Do you even feel that it is there?
Does your new love see it?
In your eyes? In your smile?
Is it gone forever? Or is this just for a short while?
How do I get it back to myself once more?
I yearn to be whole once more
But if I have to see your face once more
To get back what you took from me once upon a time
Then I would rather you keep it until the end of time
I guess I will just grow it back
When I finally have the strength to love and not feel a strain on my back
From the fear of loving carelessly once again
From the terror of losing a part of me once again
It shall grow back
And I will be sure to never lose it again
I must be so foolish, and you must be so selfish
How can I let you walk away from me, and how can you just walk away from me,
With a part of me?
I need it back, that is my only wish

I want you to know, that I loved you.
I saw myself with you. I truly loved you.
Accepting that you do not love me the same,
Has been by far my greatest, most deepest pain.
I do not understand. I can not comprehend.
There is no way for my heart to mend.
I am broken beyond measure.
'Tis your heart I used to treasure.
'Tis you I desired.
The only I admired.
It breaks my heart to see us apart.
I am stuck with a broken heart.
'Tis bleeding.
I can't stop weeping and pleading,
To God to say 'tis not true.
He loves me too.
For I love him so.
I will follow him where e'er he may go.
Stand by him through thick and thin.
Dwell under his soft melanin skin.
Have his kids. Make him my kin.
I'll repent from all sin.
If it means being beside him.
Please, don't take him from me.
For I love him so much.
I'd rather die than live without his sacred touch.

Love, 'tis not real!
For I love someone,
Who shares no love for me.
Does not envision me in that fashion.
How then, can love exist?
How, do I mourn a love never encountered nor experienced?
Forget a kiss never felt upon my lips?
Long for an embrace never lived?
Yet it dwells in my conscience,
Probably permanently.
Close upon constantly.
For I keep pondering,
Where lies my fault?
I am ever grasping for air to breathe.
Love, has never been real, a mere ruse!
For, I love someone.
Yet, they will never love me.
Perhaps, I am deranged.
'Tis my own negligence.
For loving someone,
Who will never see me.
Perhaps, love does exist.
For, I love someone.
I, truly love someone.
I wish someone loved me too.
Love, cannot possibly be real.
For, how can true love be unrequited?
How can real love be loss?
How can love be so lonely?

Tell me you love me
Say it five times
One, I love you
Two, I love you
Three, I love you
Four, I love you
Five, I love you
Kiss me
And say it five times more
One, I love you
In between smooches
Hug me tight
Caress me
Pull me close
Slide my hair to the side
Whisper in my ear
Two, I love you
Three, I love you
Four, I love you
Say it slower
Five, I     love    you
Squeeze my hand
Say it again
One last time
I love you
I love you too
Five times more

I am so sorry.
It was nothing, you don't have to worry.
I can explain.
Please let me explain.
You see he texted me, and told me he that misses me.
Told me he missed everything, like how he kisses me.
My senses began to weaken.
As he had me taken.
So I let him come over.
Although you were my lover.
But you were not there.
And here he was pretending to care.
So he talked to me until I got tired.
He knows how my body is wired.
I walked into my bedroom as he followed me.
I laid on my bed as he laid right next to me.
He started to kiss me slowly and passionately.
He started to pull on my clothes unexpectedly.
Next thing I knew he was on top of me.
Before I could say a word, he was already inside of me.
I couldn't fight the feeling he was giving to me.
As he kept thrusting in me, and thrusting.
I realized that I was too trusting.
Next thing I knew he busted in me.
And it hit me that I just cheated on you.
I just broke everything I built with you.
I'm sorry that I cheated on you.
I'm sorry that temptation got the better of me.
Believe me when I say he doesn't matter to me.
A moment of weakness is all it was.
A state of bleakness is all it was.
Please don't leave me. Stay.
I'm sorry I went that astray.
I am so sorry.
It meant nothing. You don't have to worry.

I pray you heal
From whatever ordeal
Whatever happened
That had your spirit dampened
May you find deep healing
May you find deep meaning
May your spirit be free
Free to the highest degree
May you never again feel unbearable pain
May you never again shed tears from strain
I pray you have all the strength
Enough to defeat even death
May you be mighty and strong
May you live long
To tell your tale
And drink the best ale
May others be inspired by your story
I pray you see all your glory
Above all,
I pray you find happiness
Please hang in there
And know that I am here

Here's what I wish for you,
That you find yourself once again.
That you escape from your past.
Get up once again.
Shake off the dust.
It doesn't matter how hard you fell.
How much you think you have lost.
You can be who you once were,
And even better than before.
It's up to you.
Show up every day.
Work on yourself in every way.
The one person you can never give up on,
Is you.
The one person you should never disappoint,
Is you.
It's not too late.
It's never too late.
Every day is a new chance.
Make a new choice.
You don't have to stay stuck where you are.
You can get up from your fall.
It's okay.
The universe will take care of you,
If you take care of you.
It doesn't matter who left,
Who changed,
Who hurt you.
It's time to get up now.
You've been lying there for some time now.
You've burnt a hole in the ground that reflects your shape.
It's time to get up now.
Pour sand in the hole you've drilled with your tears,
And seal it for good.
You can't fall in that hole again.
It's time to get up.
Take my hand.
Please get up.