I'm going insane.
I'm searching his name,
Surname,
Nickname,
On every platform.
Whatsapp.
LinkedIn.
Facebook.
Twitter.
Instagram.
Tiktok.
YouTube.
Who is he?
What does he like?
All I have is his name.
I want to know him.
I have to know him.
I want to marry him.
What is his handle?
Why is his account private?
What did he repost?
Where did he check in?
What did he retweet?
What did he like?
What did he react to?
Is he on Tinder?
Is he even on social media?
Just want to find out if him and I,
Are meant to be?
This might be love.
I have to find him.
It's not stalking.
It's online research.

Maybe it will always be just me.
Maybe that's how it's meant to be.

I miss you.
But my pride,
Will never let me reach out.
My ego,
Will never let me tell you.
My feelings are strong,
But my dignity is stronger.
I hope you are well.
I know pride has got you by the neck as well.
Maybe we are meant to be.
We will never know,
Will we?
Because we are so alike.
I am proud.
And so are you.
I chose pride over my feelings.
So do you.
I don't know where I stand with you,
So I assume.
So do you.
Me and you are perfect together.
But only without our egos.
I'm not willing to let go of my vanity.
Neither are you.
So where does that leave us?
Nowhere.

I want to cry out for you.
Scream out your name.
Over,
And over.
Until you hear me.
Through these thick walls.
Until you feel the void,
You left in my world,
In my heart.
I need you.
Only you.
Please love me.
Please.
There's so much life,
I wanted to experience with you.
Only you.
What if I said,
I couldn't live without you?
Would you watch me die?
Couldn't breathe without you,
Would you watch me grasp,
For every last bit of air?
Or would you love me?
Maybe I feel too much.
Maybe I can live without your touch.
Without the sound of your voice.
The taste of your lips.
I don't want to.
Please.
Love me.

Tell me you love me
Say it five times
One, I love you
Two, I love you
Three, I love you
Four, I love you
Five, I love you
Kiss me
And say it five times more
One, I love you
In between smooches
Hug me tight
Caress me
Pull me close
Slide my hair to the side
Whisper in my ear
Two, I love you
Three, I love you
Four, I love you
Say it slower
Five, I     love    you
Squeeze my hand
Say it again
One last time
I love you
I love you too
Five times more

***** dishes in the sink
Overflowing laundry basket
Dirt on the carpet
Expired food in the fridge
Shoes in each corner
Clogged drain
Grime in the bathtub
Cigarette buds on the floor
Empty wine bottles
Dust on the TV
Cartoons on repeat
Trash bags
Empty takeout boxes on the counter
Haven't showered
Haven't cleaned in weeks
She's not untidy
Not unclean
She's not *****
She's in a dark place
Mentally
She's depressed

I'm dying
I miss you
Text me when you get this