I miss you.
But my pride,
Will never let me reach out.
My ego,
Will never let me tell you.
My feelings are strong,
But my dignity is stronger.
I hope you are well.
I know pride has got you by the neck as well.
Maybe we are meant to be.
We will never know,
Will we?
Because we are so alike.
I am proud.
And so are you.
I chose pride over my feelings.
So do you.
I don't know where I stand with you,
So I assume.
So do you.
Me and you are perfect together.
But only without our egos.
I'm not willing to let go of my vanity.
Neither are you.
So where does that leave us?
Nowhere.

I want to cry out for you.
Scream out your name.
Over,
And over.
Until you hear me.
Through these thick walls.
Until you feel the void,
You left in my world,
In my heart.
I need you.
Only you.
Please love me.
Please.
There's so much life,
I wanted to experience with you.
Only you.
What if I said,
I couldn't live without you?
Would you watch me die?
Couldn't breathe without you,
Would you watch me grasp,
For every last bit of air?
Or would you love me?
Maybe I feel too much.
Maybe I can live without your touch.
Without the sound of your voice.
The taste of your lips.
I don't want to.
Please.
Love me.

Tell me you love me
Say it five times
One, I love you
Two, I love you
Three, I love you
Four, I love you
Five, I love you
Kiss me
And say it five times more
One, I love you
In between smooches
Hug me tight
Caress me
Pull me close
Slide my hair to the side
Whisper in my ear
Two, I love you
Three, I love you
Four, I love you
Say it slower
Five, I     love    you
Squeeze my hand
Say it again
One last time
I love you
I love you too
Five times more

***** dishes in the sink
Overflowing laundry basket
Dirt on the carpet
Expired food in the fridge
Shoes in each corner
Clogged drain
Grime in the bathtub
Cigarette buds on the floor
Empty wine bottles
Dust on the TV
Cartoons on repeat
Trash bags
Empty takeout boxes on the counter
Haven't showered
Haven't cleaned in weeks
She's not untidy
Not unclean
She's not *****
She's in a dark place
Mentally
She's depressed

I'm dying
I miss you
Text me when you get this

I'm in love with the ghost of you
So in love
I'd rather love your shadow
Than love you
I'd rather love
The memory of your face
The smile imprinted in my head
The dreams I have of you
Late at night
The thought of your touch
The recollection of your voice
I'm in love with the reminiscence of you
The nolstagia
Reliving every moment
Day dreaming of what could have been
You're a calendar of thoughts to me
Of memoirs
You're a voice from the past
You're a vow unfulfilled
A regular flash from the past
A hallucination
A ruse
A fairly tale
It's like we never happened
I'm in love with the delusion you
Every day discovering the non existing parts
Of you
And I'd rather love the myth of the man
Than love you
You were so toxic
In my fantasy,  
You are not
I'm in love with the ghost of you
For it is perfect

I want to perform
self surgery
Open this heart up
See
what's really bothering it
Brain surgery
Remove these thoughts
stuck in my head
Get to the bottom of this
Eliminate the pain
The memories
The anxiety
Surgically