Darkness
It's everywhere
When I close my eyes
And when I open my eyes
It's in my mind
It clutters my soul
It's in my heart
It's in my head
It's everywhere
I can't escape it
Nor can I contain it
It smothers me
It controls me
I see it
I feel it
Everywhere
It leads the way
But I can't see
Anything
Or anyone
I can only hear
Here and there
It's so dark
Everywhere
I can't see
Can't see where I'm going
Or where I come from
I see darkness
I see nothing
Everywhere

There's always a bit of hope
And then it's gone
Every time there's hope,
It gets taken away
By reality

I could water the forest
with my eyes
I could drown the ocean
with my tears
I could move the mountain
with my heart
I could summon the wolves
with my weep
I could cause a tornado
with my breathing
I could die
from sadness

My pillow.
It's wet with grief and sorrow.
Tears from the night before.
Eyes swollen and sore.


My pillow knows no drought.
Cry myself to sleep without a doubt.
My pillow knows no happy tears,
Only weeping prayers.


My pillow has absorbed an entire ocean.
Every last emotion,
Flows from my heart to my pillow.
No one will ever know, except my pillow.

Hey baby girl.
You are so beautiful.
Your smile is striking.
I wish you believed it more.
I wish you smiled more.
Your body is perfect, trust me.
Your flaws, they are flawless.
I am so sorry.
I am sorry, I failed us.
Our hopes.
Our dreams.
It was that low self-esteem, you see.
That poor self confidence.
We thought we'd grow out of it.
Truth is, we never really did.
And it's part of the reason we didn't make it.
Not to where we thought we would anyways.
But I want you to know that, it's okay.
Your girl is still trying.
Still fighting.
We will get there.
We still have time.
I was scrolling through our old pictures,
When we thought we still had all the time in the world.
We had everything we needed right there and then.
But somehow, we ended up here.
Well everything happens for a reason right?
I'm just really sorry.
I wish you knew what we know now.
The value of time.
The time value of money.
I wish we made better decisions.
I wish we prayed more.
I wish we knew just how powerful our mind was.
I wish we had better control over our emotions and our thoughts.
I wish we over came our deepest fears.
But it's not the end.
We are still breathing.
So there's still a chance.
A lot of time has lapsed.
We have lost people we thought would be there forever.
I just wish, when you were going through all of it, I was there to hold you.
To tell you to let go of things and people that don't serve you.
To protect your energy.
To never dwell on your mistakes.
And tell you that in a few years, the pain will be better.
Not gone, just better.
It doesn't ever go away, you see.
We can't forget the experiences that really changed us.
And we can't turn back the time we have lost.
But if I was there back then, I'd tell you that it doesn't really matter.
That there's so much more to come.
So much more to learn.
So much more to live for.
I wish you'd have known just how special you were.
I wish you'd have trusted your instincts better.
Listened to that small voice from within.
Hey, maybe that was me all along!
Your older and wiser higher self.
Who knows?
I wish I taught you how to love yourself better.
Appreciate yourself.
Believe in yourself.
And go after your wildest dreams.
That you are the ultimate prize.
You are a force to be reckoned with.
You are a queen.
You are your greatest weapon.
You are your own super hero.
Well, like I said.
It's never too late.
We will get there.
Slowly but surely.

Love,
Older and wiser me.

For a thousand times,
I can't believe that it took me a thousand times,
To see that you are a thousand times not the man for me.
Maybe I don't love myself as much as I think I do,
Beause if I did, I would have ran a thousand miles away from you.
I would have stayed away from you a thousand times before,
Before I loved you a thousand times once more
As much as I want to kiss you a thousand times,
And a thousand times more.
Hold you a thousand times,
Make sweet love to you a thousand times,
And a thousand times more.
Love you for a thousand years,
And a thousand years more.
You are not the man for me!
It took me a thousand tears to see it,
And a thousand more heart bleeds to believe it.
It might take a thousand more years for me to move on, and a thousand years more.
But I will go on a thousand dates,
I will kiss a thousand frogs,
Until I meet the man for me.
A man a thousand times the man you will ever be.
Because, a thousand truths be told,
You were never meant for for me.
Not by a thousand long shots.
Not in a million thousand years,
And a million thousand years more.
I was foolish for a thousand years,
To ever think that you would love me for a thousand years.
Well here's to a thousand times of regret.
I will raise a thousand tequila shots.
You are not worth my time,
Not even a thousand half seconds.
I am letting you go a thousand times.
May I be free from you a thousand times,
And a thousand times more.
I despise you a thousand times,
For all the thousand lies.
Playing me a thousand times over and over.
You can bet a thousand bucks that it is over.
One hundred thousand times, I am done!
Forget the thousand times I crawled back to you.
Forget the thousand times I ran back into your arms once more.
I can do a thousand times better than you,
And a thousand times more.
You are dead to me for a thousand times,
And a thousand times more.
For all the thousand times you've hurt me.
For all the thousand times you failed to put me first.
For all the thousand times I thought something was wrong with me,
I hope you burn a thousand times in a thousand hell fires.
For the first time in a thousand years
I choose to put me first,
For a thousand times and a thousand times more.
For I am a thousand times the woman worthy,
Of a man worth a thousand doses of my love.
Love wasted on you a thousand times,
And a thousand times more.
I deserve a thousand times more.
I am worth a thousand times more.

What does death smell like?
Like an infected wound,
Oozing pus,
Infested in fungus?
Like hopelessness,
Like giving up?
Like a burning cigarette?
Like a heart pounding,
In your throat,
From anxiety?
Like *****,
From a hangover,
From drinking the pain away.
Does it smell like,
Fresh sand,
After the one you loved,
Walked away from you.
Does it smell like,
Salty tears running down,
Your face?
Or like green mucus,
Running out of your nose,
From crying?
Maybe it smells,
Like,
A million eggs,
Laid by a large filthy fly.
Or like a badly written poem,
Like this one.
Or like walking in to the office,
Of the job you despise.
Maybe it smells like rotten fruits,
From the tree of your failed success.
Or like the small apartment you live in,
That you resent,
And hardly deep clean.
I bet death smells like,
The awful ***,
From one night stands.
Or like blood,
From a bad period.
Or like lung cancer.
Diabetes.
Depression.
Bird flu.
I bet death smells like death.