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That past seems so dark
And this present so bright
The future just white
But everything changing
This present became my past
Dark in mind
And my future became this present
Painfully bright
And the future just another white
And we go on
Playing the color game
Again and again and again.
Promise me
You wont talk to anybody about your emotions
They are mine and mine alone
I hoped by sharing, i would get solutions
They arent really emotions
They are pathologic
Still i hoped i would get solutions
I hoped and hoped and told anybody that would listen
I guess am stronger
But no solution
It made me lose hope and it has made me stronger
There is nothing more beautiful
Moving through life without hope
I just keep moving

"Become emotionally dead
Leave your body"
This is what i want to become
i am not emotionally dead
I cant help it
I live for my mother
I am afraid to think what would happen
What would happen if she died
I guess ...i dont know
I guess i believe and always believed i would die before her
The things shes been through
At least she has her religion
I dont
"Become emotionally dead,
Leave your body "
I guess i have hope
Becoming emotionally dead is my hope  
Moving has been harder and harder
Little by little i have been losing parts of me
I can feel it
I can feel it
Seek help
Have you laughed so loud
Smiled so wide
To hide your crying sound
To hide your red eye
Woke up to a cloudless sky
No white just blue insight
Over the vast horizon
blue and blue alone
No clouds to be seen about
It is when I cleared my eyes
That I was in awe
an awe of fear not of wonder
Only Blue painted above me
Painted past the horizon
Just blue unbound

Looking out, I lay there in my bed
Afraid to move,waiting for white
Hours passed and a cloud came
A single cloud and my fear went

Twas not color of blue that gripped me
Twas a monochrome over such vastness
That brought dread into my soul
No shades of hue to do my work
For night too begets such dread
Waiting its turn to make me afraid
A monochrome brings despair
Whatever its hue, a single is withdrawn
Trying to swallow all it can
Trying to paint all in its path
Few words to speak,A couple I have
Trying to say things,That I want

A vision of a face,Coming to my room
Dead or living ,I hadnt known
But always happens,This vision in dark
Due to my seeing
Seeing of a leaf,In light or dark

Sounds of old,Reminisce in my eyes
A deceased loved one,Laying by
A leaf of eucalyptus ,By his side
Giving an aroma ,an image I cant forget
this leaf,Has not left me
That day and beyond
Each leaf,Reminisce of death
With its green colour,Color of life
Rewinding it one more

Not only color,Reminds of memories
Smells too can show, What you dont want
And no desire to see;
Again death is mingled, Mixed in a sweet aroma
And yet here evil is, With scent that is heavenly
Man on last breathes,Throwing out food
And matters of white Disguised in red
Not take any belonging, Anything to the afterlife
Just throwing up and shaking
Saying no more,Dying
No words,Just eyeing
All this happening, That scent persists
But unfortunately ,I am the only one
That caught the disease
Of memory of the aroma,Of that ghastly smell
My mother is wearing it
Running out of a room
I cry in the bathroom
Please,what do you see; a city?
Therein, a red eyed man?
Contemplating the knife in his chest
Thinking where his soul lies
No such thing as a soul, believing
No such thing as pain, underestimating

Testing the waters with his hands
,Pulling on the handle;
testing pain and blood;
Where lies my soul cries the man
"i underestimated pain he says", fading
"Why did I do this!," he shouts
"a fiend made me,"he says, crying

His red eyes bigger imagining
Bigger seeing the whole in his chest
He stood on his last strength, to see down
Eyes locked on a stranger down the mountain;
In the heat Within the forests,
"That is the fiend!,
That is the one who took my life", he says bathed in blood.

Yet there was no fiend
There was no man, down the forest
Even there was no forest down the mountain
All imaginations of a pained human.
Shores so big,could have forgotten me
Tides so strong could have taken me
Moon so bright, could have guided me
Grains so fine, could have swallowed me

the tides were strong
Caressing me to surrender
Convinced me to wander
Uncertainity prevailing,gave into pressure

Wandered into the tide
Washed away glide
Into oblivion,as so i wished
As it had been ,my feet started peddling back to where they had been
Back to the shore i came
With the moons rays in my eye

beautiful light is the moon
Truer guide there was none
The moon suddenly had a face
Telling me to move on
Guiding me to shore ahead
To safety and warmth it guided me

Light saved me, i flaunted
My life needs to be played
Played to the end and not squandered
I believed it to be a deity
Least as a sign of deity
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