Remember the first time?
I do, like it was the last time.

I see us in every movie,
I read us on every page.

I felt you in a new guy once,
he was bigger, but a worse lay.

I remember you in bass and bars,
in nooks and grazed skin.

I look for you at skateboard parks,
in airports, pictures, and other men.

It's like my mind's wired around you,
and the synapses can't be pruned.
We're firing together,
and you're wrapped up in me too.

I'll accept the lonely, but not fully,
and don't ask me why -
I'm still weighing options.
Because it's deserved,
even if it's distorted.
Because there's nothing to give,
and too much to gain.
Because I'm compelled to wait,
knowing you won't.

Do I sabotage or do I mend?
I can only find the energy for one.
Because misanthropy,
because none of you can handle me.
"Take [them] somewhere else," he said.
I meant to say I wish I could,
but it came out as "*******."

The brain burns 20% of your resting calories a day.
I think that's why I'm so skinny.
Back on my ******* 'cept
my ****'s always running
running running running.
The conductance rate for neurons is 90 ft/s,
that's roughly 60 mph.
I'm chasing every tangent and leaving every toll in my dust,
flying off ramps looser than the associations I'm pulling.
Pull out a map on 5% and ask you to repeat,
I'm degrading, dehydrating, can't focus, no locus.
Hop in a van to get to the next stop,
charming, alarming, floating, secured.

If you ask me why I'm not having children,
I'll cite the law of natural selection.

I'm simply not fit.

yes I'm scowling
Don't ******* look at me

Enough water works might erode me
if i'm lucky
Drown my pores with salt
a depression blemish

Have you ever noticed how cathartic it is to cry in public?

I was teased into thinking it would work,
destroying you would destroy me.
SOMEONE ******* DESTROY ME
and don't leave any remnant.
The law of conservation of mass?
May my spirit haunt every ******* who ever let me down and take pity on those for whom it was reversed.

I have a chip on my shoulder?
Nah
I have a ******* IOU that will never be fulfilled,
I have a ******* lifetime I'm responsible for despite never once ******* asking for it.
I have expectations, I have regrets, I have no idea what I want.
There's nothing I want
there's no one I want
there is not one thing I want

Stanley Kunitz would have outlawed anger management,
where was he when I was dealing with my felony charges?

Dylan Thomas would have bailed me out,
"Make it your legacy, kid. Go out swinging. How was the bologna?"

Marianne Moore would have materialized before little old intoxicated, hypothermic me,
"This is mortality, this is eternity. Save yourself the trouble, hang yourself in this cell, sweetie."

“I hope one day

somebody loves you

so much…

even if sometimes
you are growing sideways

that they do not waste their time
trying to fix you.”

Even if fixing you would make you a better grey,

maybe it isn’t fair of me to try.

Maybe i’m supposed to let you have an alcohol problem,

to treat everyone around you like ****,

to walk around with your ******* superiority complex.

Maybe I’m supposed to leave,

not fix.

Maybe I’m supposed to let you change only on your own accord

and hope that you do.

I’m known for changing the character of one in particular,

so drastically that the entire class noticed.

“You wrecked him.”

“What did you do to him?”

I left.