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Aug 2018 · 234
I'm okay
Umama iqbal Aug 2018
I don't remember how many times I said "I'm okay"
When I was not
How many times I cried and said "I'm okay"
When I was not
How many times I smiled and said "I'm okay"
when I was not
How many times I smoked and said "I'm okay"
When i was not
How many times I missed you and said "I'm okay"
When i was not
How many times I felt terrible and it was difficult for me to breath and said "I'm okay"
When i was not
How many times I felt damaged and said "I'm okay"
When i was not
How many times I was dragged in depression and sever anxiety and said "I'm okay"
When i was not
How many times i was laying clueless on the marble floor and said "I'm okay"
When i was not
But you know what it's fine ! I'm always okay and it's okay ....
Jul 2018 · 202
She's fragile
Umama iqbal Jul 2018
Most of the people,
See her as a happy person,
Because she laughs easily,
She smiles beautifully,
She jokes a lot,
She does crazy stuff,
But deep down,
She gets hurt easily,
Deep down shes hurt,
Her feelings are damaged,
She's fragile,
But she chooses not to show,
This part of her to the world.
Jul 2018 · 152
You were......
Umama iqbal Jul 2018
You were the light at the end of the tunnel,
You were the rain that soothed me,
You were the happiness in my bad time,
You were my strength when I was weak,
You were the first snow in winters,
You were the star who shone for me in darkness,
I loved you, I loved you blindly and then,
You turned into the sound of my nails scraping the chalkboard,
You were the sound of my heartbreaks,
You were the night I spend on the cold floor scratching myself
You were the pills I take every night to sleep,
You were the wine in my glass,
You were the smoke of my cigarette,
You were the pain of my never healing wounds,
Still you were the only one I asked for in my "Prayers"
Jul 2018 · 193
I was so sure
Umama iqbal Jul 2018
I was so sure to find you with me when I will need someone
I was so sure that you will understand without explaining
I was so sure you will know everything by looking into my eyes
I was so sure you will know the hidden pain behind my smile
But you didn't !
You didn't understood  my words
You didn't understood even after explaining
You left me when I was explaining things to you
Do you know what Hurts more ?
A stranger knew everything which was hidden in my words
A Stranger understood everything which was for you
Stranger did what you didn't !
Jul 2018 · 525
Little girl
Umama iqbal Jul 2018
I have so many apologies to the little girl hidden inside me
I hurt you a lot
I expected you to tolerate always
I brought more burden than you deserve
I made you cry when you wanted to laugh
I dragged you in depression when you wanted to smile
I forced you to stay strong even when you were getting weak
I was silencing your voice
You were tired and I still wanted you to do little more
I ruined you,  I ruined the little girl hidden inside me
Jul 2018 · 292
Who is responsible?
Umama iqbal Jul 2018
She told her to compromise in hard times,
She told her to zip her mouth and never argue
She told her to do what he ordered
She told her to stay quite when he misbehaved
She told her not to shed tears when he raises his hand on you
She told her never complaint about anything
She told her to stay strong no matter what happens
She told her to make home comfortable for him
She did everything !
Still he raised his hand,
still he misbehaved still he abused her
Who was responsible for her life ?
Who was responsible for the blue marks on her face ?
The monster ? Or her Mother ?
Jul 2018 · 195
Rain and soul
Umama iqbal Jul 2018
Yesterday when I was sleeping, it Start raining. I went to open my window where i saw a girl standing under the rain and playing. I went out to give her umbrella. I took step in rain her voice of laughing was so beautiful and it was reminding me of my laugh as her voice was resembling with mine. I was behind her, i asked her " what are you doing here? " she replied "you don't recognise me now ? " and she turned back i was shocked to see her. I took steps to backward because it was me ! My lost soul ! It was me when I was happy, when I use to laugh on my own silly jokes, when rain was symbol of joy for me, when depression and anxiety were not in my dictionary, when little happy moments make me smile, when watching stars gives me peace, when night doesn't haunts me, when darkness doesn't scare me, when winters were my favourite season and snow fall was my favourite game, when there was no heart breaks when there was no burden of expectations, when there was no fake me, it was me pure me and my soul. I just fell down on my knees in rain, crying and crawling to touch my soul but it despaired, it was me and I couldn't bring it back. I couldn't bring myself back !!
Jul 2018 · 163
October
Umama iqbal Jul 2018
In the month of October
When everything covers itself with white blanket

She was Wearing white beautiful dress
She was looking so beautiful
That I couldn't take my eyes of her

That red lips , And shinny eyelashes
Were spreading a beautiful color around

 Her heart was beating like a melody
That pretty face with a rose on her chest

I was shevring from cold
I took step to go near her

Every step was making me feel more cold
Every step and that mealody was fading
I was standing beside her

I hold her hands
They were freezed

Her voice was faded
Her heart Stopped singing that beautiful melody
I hold her I shaked her but she didn't answered me

I tired to make her warm the way she use to do
But she was already gone

I shouted not to stop that beautiful melody
but she was already gone...
Jul 2018 · 182
Don't come here again
Umama iqbal Jul 2018
Dont come here again
When you come here ,Holding you became a beautiful dream

Don't come with these flowers again
You leave a smell here which holds me to wait for you

Don't touch the mud it's not dry yet
When you touch, you leave your prints here too I still have your prints on my soul

Don't touch the mud it's not dry yet
I feel your cold hands and holding them making them warm became a wish

Don't touch the mud its not dry yet
your hands are cold go home, sorry I can't make them warm this time I'm caged down here

Don't come here to shead your tears
It hurts me down here and my heart starts bleed again

Don't come here to talk to me again
I hear all your words you utter

My heart isn't iced yet
My feelings aren't numb yet

Don't come here again
I still feel you when you come here

I wish I could ask you to remove this blanket of  mud for once
I just want to hold you for last one time
I want to hug you for last one time

So that after my last wish my soul can leave this place

So that after my last wish I can stop feeling you when you come here

Please don't come here again ...
Jul 2018 · 178
Unknown~~
Umama iqbal Jul 2018
I will shed tears tonight
This will be the last night I will cry
Someday I know I will stop crying
I will shape all my wounds to new hopes
All broken parts will be hairline frecture
All of my thoughts will arobit around me
And i will rise with the sunshine
This time I will rise beautifully
I will be strong
I will love My self
And then one day I will become a beautiful picture
That You will save on your cell phone
You will see daily like I did
May be you will cry or scream but this time I won't listen
You will type me text even after knowing that you won't get reply
I will be quite
Because you know
After every sunrise there's sunset
I will be gone with the sunset for forever
Jul 2018 · 282
Creator
Umama iqbal Jul 2018
He forgive her on her sins
When she bow in front of him

He forgive her on every mistake
Because he love everyone

He forgive her on her every sin
Because he know she's innocent

Mid night when everyone sleep
She stay at prayer mat for help
She stay there for hours sharing what she feel
Because no doubt he is the best secret keeper

He help her everytime
Because he is her creator

She know that no one but he will listen
She know no that one but he will be with her

She know that no one but he will guide her
She know that no one but he will guide her home

He forgive her everytime and show his blessings upon her
Because he is the creator

When she went out and make mistake
No one forget
Because man can not forget mistake
They make her realise every time when she stand up

They never forgive a single mistake
Because they don't love her

He's the creator only who know the actual you and helps you everytime
When you bow infront of him ~
Jul 2018 · 190
That morning
Umama iqbal Jul 2018
Do you remember that morning when we were together
You were sleeping beside me
I was holding you
I opened my eyes and you were sleeping
I watched you sleeping for hours
I noticed that how peaceful it was looking at you when you were sleeping
I smell like you that day
I was loving myself because of you
I was feeling every touch of you that day
Watching you sleeping and sunlight kissing you from the window
Cold morning
And we were together
Dream came true that morning
I just wanted to stop time there and live that moment for rest of my life
I wanted to feel you everyday when I wakeup
I wanted to watch you for hours
I wanted to talk to you when you are sleeping
I wanted to smell like you every morning
I wanted to have you beside me every morning
I just wanted you  !
Jun 2018 · 199
Sad song
Umama iqbal Jun 2018
Their always was forever
Their nights were together
Their mornings were beautiful
Their love was unconditional
Their care was pure
They were together
They were forever
But things changed with a blink of eye
They were apart
They were no more together
Their always was shattered
There nights were painfull and mornings were with tears
Lots of memories and dreams broken
Each part of them screamed
Each part of of them cried
Each part of them ached
They were apart they were tired
With the sunset they were gone
The love story ended with the sad song and they never met again !
May 2018 · 361
Expectations
Umama iqbal May 2018
They expect her to smile
  Even when she's all shattered

They expect her kindness to everyone
  Even if they hurt her

They expect her to be there for them
   But deal with her own problems alone

They expect her to be the same
 Even if they change

They expect her to be  brave
  Even when she's all broken from inside

They think she can do but they'll never know
 What she's going through

They expect that she remain calm
 When they can't even control themselves

They expect alot from her
 They don't know that she's mad but with lots of emotions feelings and expectations hidden inside her

  Sometimes she expects a little
 Because she forgets that " expectations hurt ".
May 2018 · 173
~A beautiful dream~
Umama iqbal May 2018
She felt him holding her hands
She felt him beside her
She felt him on her bed, playing with her hair

The twinkling stars and shining sky
Everything was so beautiful and serene

She was feeling all that love
All that love which was only for her
But she wasn't aware that when she will open her eyes
When she will wakeup from that peaceful sleep
It will just turn to a dream
A beautiful dream only

She woke up ! She opened her eyes
She cried, she screamed, she lost herself again

For that one peaceful moment
For that one peaceful sleep
She slept again and never woke up

She was gone with the sunrise
Because it was the only way to get him back by her side ♡
Umama iqbal May 2018
She was running
Running away from the past

She was chased
Chased by yesterday

She was hiding herself
Hiding herself  from the world

She was haunted
Haunted by the memories

She was scared
Scared of the never healing wounds inside her

She was crying
Crying by the regret

She was gone
Gone by the sunrise
May 2018 · 683
She survived
Umama iqbal May 2018
Years and years ago she was all shattered,
Her heart was broken into pieces,
Each piece was a reminder related to her past.

But She survived, she pretended and she moved on.

Deep down inside her, each piece ached,
Deep down her wounds were not healing,
Every scar was telling a new story,
Every story was making her weak,

But She survived, she pretended and she moved on.

Deep down she was crying,
Screaming from the pain of never healing wounds,
She was trying to bring the broken parts back again, but scars never disappeared.

But She survived, she pretended and she moved on.

Every story inside her was leaving traces in her innocent soul,
Prints which will always make her cry from regret,
Prints which will then be a reminder of her past,
Prints which will hold her innocent soul and never leave.

But She survived, she pretended and she moved on.
May 2018 · 359
Please remember
Umama iqbal May 2018
Please remember
Later when you think of me ever

Please remember
I didn't want you to leave

Please remember later when you realise I'm gone
That i wanted  to stay always

Please remember you did nothing to stop me
You watched me while going
Please remember
You watched me crying

Please remember you could have stopped me you could have come back to me

Please remember how hard I tried  to stop you
But you left my hand without realising how I will face things without holding your hand

Please remember now if you ever come back
You will see a lost dead soul and nothing more !

— The End —