Anxiety.  

Anxiety is not a friend you want at your door giving you a high five and is excited to spend the night.
Anxiety is that skin scratching, pencil tapping, binge eating friend that appears like snow on a summer day.  
It comes out of nowhere. And sometimes you know you're about to start breathing heavily and wanting to lie down.
It's the feeling you get
when the love of your life says "Can we talk?"
when you lay in bed and you hear sounds
when you're in the hospital room and someone comes out with tears in their eyes towards you.
Anxiety is not that Christmas present you've been wanting all year...

I miss us texting.
I miss us talking like we used to.
I miss you looking at me with those wonderstruck eyes filled with awe.
I miss the way you would let me use your arm to lay my head on in the car.
I miss when we would listen to music and just stare into each other’s eyes.
I miss us.
I miss you.

I love you.
Everything will be okay.  


I loved you
Everything was okay

You're saying everything in past tense now... You don't think everything will be okay..at least.  

Not anymore.

Its sad how a daughter can tell if her dad is going to be mean that day or not.
By the way he stands.
Or talks.
Or eats.    
It's sad that she had to memorize the cycle of his good days and his bad so she could know when to make plans to get out of the house again.    
It's sad that she can't tell him she loves him on those days or she'll get yelled at. 
 It's sad
that her dad became the monster she didn't want to know.

“He’s dangerous.”
Is he dangerous to me or himself?
Do you think he’s dangerous because of the way he dresses?  
Do you know him?
At all?
Have you spoken to him?
You just make assumptions like everyone else in the world, don’t you?
Did you know he’s been in the hospital because of people like you?
Did you know his mom and dad aren’t there to help?
Did you know…?
I bet you didn’t…
You don’t know a lot…
So don’t act like you do.

have you ever been lied to?
cheated on?
have you ever wanted to leave?
just get up, pack your bags, and leave?
But then... have you ever loved?
truly loved someone?
loved them to the point that no words can explain the extent?
have you ever looked into their eyes and got lost?
have you ever heard their name or voice and just, melted?
so many things to do
so many things to say
so many things to see
have you ever?

What happened?
What happened to the society we used to have?
What happened to lovers still being lovers til the end?
What happened to having fun without it being illegal?
What happened to the only hurt we had was falling down when running while playing hide and seek?
What happened to the smiles not being fake?
What happened to finger panting?
What happened to everyone getting to live who they want without being terrorized?
What happened to society loving everyone equally, not just to the extent of their race?
What happened to girls getting to love themselves before others?
What happened to girls being called beautiful and lovely, not ***** and ****?
What happened to boys being called handsome and sweet, not gay?
What happened to boys getting to be Mommas Boys without being called a loser?
What happened to the world we grew up in?
What happened to us wanting to grow up?
Oh yea...
Society changed the world, our perspective, and us.

People deal with loss differently
Some move on
Some cry
And some...can't live anymore
Some **** themselves because that person isn't there anymore

People are waiting for their loved ones in the hospital room one moment
Then another...They're in their closets picking out something black to wear

People sit in silence
People sit on their bathroom floors so depressed they don't know what to do or think anymore

People hide it
The people that love them don't know what's going on.

Then...they have a loss.

I like you
a lot
I fell for you
hard
I want you
so much
You told me your feelings
I guess you didn't know your own
I tried to be what you wanted
But you liked her
You still do
Even after what she did to you
You're hooked on her
so
I can't have you
like I wanted..

I needed you.
You went away
I cried nights on end because of you
You were my happiness  
The one I cried to, not the reason I cried
You went away
Just as I needed you...
More than ever

When you said I love you
I heard I won’t leave
When you said you’re too clingy
I heard I don’t need you right now
When you said you didn’t want me
I heard my heart breaking
When you said you needed time
I heard Goodbye.

When I'm with you I'm so happy
I get butterflies when i'm around you
When I see your face I get happy
I stutter my words
I walk sideways always bumping into you
I love the way your voice sounds
The way you dress
The way you stand up for what you want and believe in
But
I'm not yours

I love you.
It will be okay.

I never loved you.  
It was never okay.  

Funny how those two sentences changed so quickly...  
Its all lies...

Over generations we’ve become a broken society
In the 50’s we had Elvis and Poodle Skirts
In the 60’s we had Grease and Viewfinders
In the 70’s we had Dancing Queen and Jumpsuits
In the 80’s we had Billie Jean and Leg Warmers
In the 90’s we had Beanie Babies and Gameboys
Now we have people who run into fountains while on their phones
Now we have people scared for their life because of gangs and guns
Now we have people being shamed for their bodies and the number of suicides are awful
Now we have a society that expects us to be perfect...when really we just need to go back to the times where people got along better and have fun

I’ll always be here.  To talk.  To vent to.  Anything. I’m here.
If you desert me, want to **** me, even if I want to **** you.  
I’ll be there.  
Always.
I’ll be
here.

Love the people you’re around.
You never know when they’ll just disappear.
Cherish the moments you’re in...you’ll never know when they’ll become memories.

"She won't make it"
The doctors looking over you
I hope you got right with the man upstairs
I hope you made amends with the people you love
I hope you know what you're about to go through
Might go to the place everyone loves and thinks about
Might go to the place of fire and what everyone calls
Hell.
Hell.
Hell.

All the stars
None of them shine anymore
I don’t have you
I don’t see you
I don’t feel your warmth
My whole world
Dark
Cold
A Bottomless pit
But everytime
as always
You save me
You heal me
You make me whole again
I’m warmed up
I see nothing but light
All the stars
Shine again

I've been left
By so many people
Hurt
By so many people
Then I met you
I thought you were different
But you left me too
Hurt me too
Made me cry
Humiliated me
Like I have been before…
Too many times

I want him to know...
I can’t get him out of my head
Maybe he feels the same...
Maybe not.  
I can’t tell him...
He has someone
But maybe
Just maybe
He feels the same...
Or
Maybe not.

have you  ever loved someone so much you'd take a bullet for them?
do anything for them?
die for them?
well sometimes you turn out like Bruno Mars and they won't do the same for ya.
or maybe...
they would.
sometimes us as people give others our hearts without even acknowledging that they could throw it away in seconds.
Some of us think they would never do that to us.
And some of us just don't think at all.
Be careful who you give your heart to...otherwise you'll end up on the bathroom floor, crying your eyes out and hurt.

We put our sadness off as “I’m tired” or “I just don’t feel good”.
We don’t let it out.
We don’t let anyone know how we really feel.
We hide.
Until one night, we sit alone.
In our bathroom floor, looking for a way out.
You fall asleep on your floor.
When something reaches out.
Some sweet voice tells us
“You’ll be okay”
“You don’t have to hide anymore.”
To wake up with the hand of that same sweet voice holding yours
Holding you
Telling you
“Everything’s okay”
You knew then.
It will be.

love is an open book
waiting for you to write its ending
love is looking into their eyes full of wonder and getting lost
love is hearing their name and getting butterflies
love is hearing their voice and melting over and over again
love is never letting that spark die out
love is having to choose where to eat
love is wondering what adventure you'll take next
love is not being able to find enough words to tell how much you love them
love is an open book
wanting you to forget the ending and write a novel

you’re locked inside my head
i’ve lost the key
the thought of you goes through my mind everyday
I wish you would show me you care
so that I won’t feel guilty for having you in my thoughts and my mind
I’m
trapped
With the thought of you.

Left
Right
Left
Leaving
So many meanings for one word
But
I’ve been left
So many times
Now?
You’re gonna leave me too.
Do it
It’s not the first time I’ve ever been
left