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  Apr 2018 LERCH
Charles Bukowski
there is always somebody or something
waiting for you,
something stronger, more intelligent,
more evil, more kind, more durable,
something bigger, something better,
something worse, something with
eyes like the tiger, jaws like the shark,
something crazier than crazy,
saner than sane,
there is always something or somebody
waiting for you
as you put on your shoes
or as you sleep
or as you empty a garbage can
or pet your cat
or brush your teeth
or celebrate a holiday
there is always somebody or something
waiting for you.

keep this fully in mind
so that when it happens
you will be as ready as possible.

meanwhile, a good day to
you
if you are still there.
I think that I am---
I just burnt my fingers on
this
cigarette.
LERCH Apr 2018
Somebody is always shining, and somebody is always suffering.

Those who shine sometimes suffer,
But those who really suffer would prefer their suffering.

Those who suffer much in life sometimes get to shine, or see the light.
But, those who really shine see and say to themselves or, perhaps to an associate: "That aint no shine, that aint no light."

I'd like to be blinded by the light.
I'd like to be the light,
And suffer minimally.

And shine.

I think i could be so lucky.
LERCH Apr 2018
Move Forward !
Go Forward ! Never, ever stop, as long as you breathe!
Life, A tremendous
Endless wave
Of confrontations,
Disappointments, and elations.
Plans go wrong.
Safe thing to do is not plan at all.
set your attitude to awesome, and leave it on like auto pilot.
Ya mans aint yours,
Ya girl aint yours. 
Go away, get lost.
We each belong to our own adventure.
It seems as if we are all just
Bit parts in a humungous script.
We are Playing parts
That are swift to end.
But, we feel
like heroic 
Protagonist
Bound for a tremendous victory.
Or, at least i do.
I dunno about you.
Aw yeah this epic, tremendous
Awesome adventure feels like it will ever end, but it will !
Do what you will, it matters.
Suffer all to yourself if it makes you feel better.
But me, ill go do it! Ill go get her.
I discovered no one really cares.
Oh really? How freeing! Im gone now, believe me.
You are what you eat, gimme crap & ill throw it up like bulimics.
I mean, some feed you vicious lies to eat. They live lives of evil telling lies to people
With a smile so genuine.
They'd bully me ?
All right then ill fight them
And gritt my teeth.
I need, i want. i dont want to need.
I dont want to want.
I go on because i must go on, but i do not feel it to be anything in particular.
Ill stay to watch the ship go down, kuz
Suicide is not my style. and besides, i have fun sometimes.
Ill do whatever i want to.
I honestly, Genuinely love people
Like a brother.
So how could i lose ?
I cant!
LERCH Apr 2018
Aw yeah, So greatful to be spreading peanut butter over
Warm bagels for breakfast today.

Mhm, whole grain and gluten free.
i was so hungry,
I wouldnt care if they were full of gluten,
And Grainless.
I shove a piece into my anticipant mouth
And think, "thank God"
As i sit and eat em.

I cant help but look forward
To when i am sitting, and looking at the most beautiful back-of-head
That belongs to the beautiful girl, who is the thesis of my daydreaming.

****** at the fact that i can't find a lighter,
I turn the stove on high.
15 minutes till class, Perfect amount of time to smoke this clip.

As i step outside i allow the day to rudely awaken my eyes, and i appreciate the same old sunny blue sky, and trees
And i watch as a leaf falls in a way that seemed just for me. 

I stroll to class merrily saying greetings to my fellow Limestone Saints.
Aw yeah, psychology class.
Piaget and whatnot, cognitive development and whatnot, nature vs nurture, yada yada.

I notice that i am actually interested.
I like the teacher. He shares a lot of his experiences with us if they relate to the subject.
The day we talked about drugs i jokingly asked "have you ever tried drugs?" I was surprised at his honest answer.

He even described what it was like for him to us.
"Its like woah" he said, and he held his hands out like he was beholding something great, his eyes as wide as possible. "Words just don't describe it."

Today's lesson was on....  Stages of Development.
As the class goes on i consider what level i might be at. I know I think like an 80 year old but c'mon, i don't go to parties; I am the party !

So class was interesting, but my teacher spoke 3 minutes pass release time.
That must be what prison feels like.

Now we go. Bye class. Bye teacher. Ah, so now i am done with my only class of the day, and i just need to do hw and study. Its true what Gable said; "once u have wrestled everything else in life is easy." This is my first year not wrestling, and it is as if all the difficulty in my life has vanished.

Then i saw that beautiful back-of-head. i got the nerve up to approach this angelic girl who is just so magnetic to me.
I felt a chill when i tapped her on the shoulder.

I told her of my feelings for her as we walked, and i felt a warm gush of hope swelling up in me as she blushed.
But lo, She nobly turned down my request to hang out becuase she had a boyfriend.
"But we can be Friends", she told me.
Story of my life.

But i was as happy as if she said i was her boyfriend, because i made her laugh twice, and her smile is etched in my mind.
Aw yeah, i enjoyed our talk.

But work work work, thats what life is, so off i go to the library like a good little *****. Uncle sam's *****.

Literature for the adolescent; i love this class, but if i don't keep up theres no way ill pass.
Two novels a week !

So i did a booksheet on "Dope Sick" by Walter Dean myers.
A great read.
Lil j reminds me of me; just a brother tryna eat.

But after this assignment, i am academically free for the weekend !
I love the feeling. Sweet.
So i got nothing better to do than go watch the intersquad match.
Ugh, wrestling.

Alas, our tumultuous relationship is over.
But ill watch kuz my friends are in action.
Ritch !
Kayo !
Cliff !
Zoe !
They've still got passion for you, but Iord knows i don't.

I'm actually so grateful that im not elgible this year on a technicality.
But ill go watch the match, and support my old teammates.

Dudes wrestling.
Dudes smackin each others heads.
Dudes taking highcrotches.
Dudes grabbin each others legs.
Dudes putting dudes in cradles.
Dudes picking top bottom, and neutral.
I am thoroughly sick of it, and watching these matches helped me realize that.

So i watched until the wrestling was over, and i knew that for me wrestling was definitely over.
As i walked out of the room i felt a reassuring feeling of closure.
No more wrestling for lerch :)

One thing left to do !
I must practice the piano.
Major scales, minor scales, pentatonics of course !
Go up in octaves, 3rds, 4ths.
Do the 1, then the 5, and the 4
In every major key.
Then do some more!

Aw yeah, here is where i am truly free; the keys! The keys!
If no one will listen, ill just play for me.
The stress builds up; i just play to ease it.

A great day, without a hitch.
Nothing left to do
but to smoke, and eat.

Thank You Lord
LERCH Apr 2018
To amuse, and inform, and infuse young souls with enthusiasm. Ya know, thats how you change the future.

To express the distress, and attempt to illustrate the awesomeness of the epicness, but words are futile devices.
LERCH Apr 2018
I love you.
I hate you.

I really wanna see you, but ill avoid you when im not in the mood.

I need you. I hate that i need you. I wish I could be strong without you;
But I want you to see me being strong.

I want you to congratulate me, but i dont need your compliments, & i want you to know that.

I wanna forget you, but i want the best for you- no, second best for you. I want the best for ME.

I think it's best that we stay friends because i like your influence on my life.

I hope you do so well, but not better than me.

Ill give you a few bucks, ill give you a bite to eat. But man, is it right to depend on me? But man, you better call if ever your in trouble!

I want you to come in my house to see my nice things, see my nice life.
Ok, now i want you to leave.

Just cause i said it dont mean i meant it.
Didn't i say i love you?
I said i hate you.

I want to die, but life is so amazing i want to live forever.

Hey! Just cause i said it dont mean i meant it.

I want a love so strong, but dont smother me! I need my space!

I want absolute loyalty, but i cant even stay loyal to my peace of mind.
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