the same questions,
I'm asking myself ones again,
results are always the same,
spent up and used up emotional pain,
it feels like am dragging a ball n a chain,
uphill in the rain..
and I mean it this time,
but lose grip n fall soon as I start to clime.
I feel so tired, I feel so weak,
the same words ones again I mentally speak,
a power greater then me
I shoud try to seek,
but i cause upset, mistrust
I lie and i sneak.
so if god dose exsist or forces in stealth,
why should they take notice
unless I help myself..
I don't understand why i cannot break free,
when I do understand what it's doing to me..
see for a minute or two I may feel fine,
when I smoke on that pipe or sniff up a line..
but what follows is awful
inside me it's carnage,
hiding bags and used pipes in the garbage..
I sweat and I panic,
im paronid and im stressed,
it feel like my Heart is gonna beat out my chest..
the mental torcher
and awful anxiety,
now in such dark place I long for sobriety..
i guess its apparent, it must be addiction,
not thinking twice about what i was mixing,
heating a spoon on the hob in kitchen..
but now looking back
i must recall the pain..
when it smashed me to bits..
almost sent me insane,
so when these dark thoughts
next enter my brain,
I have all tools to keep it contained..
I'm now In control,
drugs have no hold on me,
I'm no longer a slave,
finally I'm breaking free..