Let me go back to the then
While what is still fresh
And this year's Spring bulbs
Hold so much of trust.

For now there will not be
Celebration in a vase
Where stalks float in water
And a ribbon is tied.

Of a card carefully arranged
And a kind thought bought
Never again will this be
True of you or me.

Love Mary x

Round about . For Evelyn .

He took me to the station
And put me on a train
never wanted to go there
So soon came back again.

In the land of jumblies
Where pink balloons fly
And snowdrops are yellow
I am rather shy.

Yes said the peacock,
We'll always let you in
As long as you wear striped pyjamas
And wave a fountain pen.

So when I got home
Went straight up to bed
To find all my animals
And wrap them round my head.

A nonsense rhyme for Evelyn love Grandma  ***

You float across me
As evidence that you are not mad
Hating the dependence bar where you eat
I am not that spider you nurture
Just a plate of cold ironies.


Outside the running fakes you
Into a daily ritual of bliss
I lie flattened, blind, deceived
The buttress of my heart stapled
You float across me.

Love Mary x

What does one forget with years
Is it the exactitude of ordered days?
The way slippers slowly wear out
And don’t get replaced until xmas.

I rarely comb my hair before midday
Or open the packages at the door box
The future goes under the bed to sleep
The past a comforting scarf red striped.

Love Mary ***

Holding tight to mother's hand
You peeped into my room
A face touched by angel's grace
And rounded like the moon.

Dressed in gathered netted skirt
And bodice pink and brown
You came to see your grandma
With your opened arms.

The contours of your shape I felt
A kiss as quiet as snow
You loved me in my rosy bed
And did we play just so.

Delphi of the ancient world
You are a modern child
In your eyes history speaks
Of wisdom with a smile.

Kind and gentle , soft and bright,
Grandma's lovely , golden delight.

When feet needed no support and found brambles fun
Slid down the ravines in the local park
Forested for nuts, collected leaves to float under bridges
The stream fresh with fish.

Those hours of sunlight when time ran out energy's burst
Slipping into tomorrow with new adventures
The heart beating its chest.
For only now in my infirmity
Can I see how the time sang
And was mine for a while.


Love Mary **

When words don't do I say them still
They seem quite blind but that's unkind
Lingering around the room
Not landing in the heart
But by some gentle frame
That cannot bear them to be heard
These words I need to share.

And on and on all through the night
These words lie in me failing sight
I lift them up to tired eyes
Hoping for some surprise
But again and now I hear the words
That cannot be heard even by a little bird.

Perhaps only a few can hear my words
And bear the truth
And so I put them on a shelf
As cards that can be read someday
When the words are strong
And you no longer vulnerable
They can speak.

Love Mary x

When I am water
Lost in a winding stream
Filled with fishes tails
And rounded golden rings
Remember as you sit there
Beside a river bank
Holding hands with another
Or on solitudes fine bench
That my hair lines birds' nests
My labours gave you life
And your love gave me friendship
As do the clouds up above.

SUMMER'S END.

The skies have been overcast,lately.
Draining the flowers of colour,
Bringing Autumn varieties adjacent
To August stock.There is a tiredness
In the stormy winds, a dusting of dry leaf.
We bring water in cans to restore
The last of this Summer's glory.
And hope for just a few more days
When one can bask in the blueness
In ignorance of Winter's call;
With the months of indoors
When perfumed air is gone.
The dampness in spider's dew
Replacing our Summer song .

Mary

Sometimes it has to remain a secret
Forever.
My very dear Aunty had a lover
For over forty years.
She was never named to his family.
After her death he had only me
To share her memories.
He was very lonely for a long time
I did my best for him
Keeping in touch
Seeing him at Christmas
Going to Art Galleries together.
I am grateful for the twelve years
That I got to know him
Differently from my Aunty.
When I die he loses all contact
With anyone who knew her
And him as partners.
Sometimes it has to remain a secret
Forever.


Love Mary ***

I feel your pain trickling down my neck
Catching the crevices in my neck folds
Placing a hand where it hurts the most
I know you did, you tried and you cried.

Love Mary xxxxx

Bear came to do my garden today
It had got into rather a mess,
Sticky Jenny and dandelions,
Rotten roots and garlic shoots
Got poor Bear betwixed;
Hot and sweating, really fretting
Bear began to cry,
Why was it that I thought gardening
From painting let me hide.
But off he went along the fence
Pulling out the weeds
Found some bulbs that did not smell
Dug  them up, as fast, as well
Now they're  back in a different spot
Three short stems in an empty plot;
Made me laugh just to see
How silly that Woolly Bear can be.


Love Mary x
Thank you to Ian my Gardener

Under the damp and darkened skies
The smell of Autumn begins:
The leaves of the deciduous trees,
begin to fall,
Dew forms pools in the cobwebs,
The days get cooler and flowers,
Change direction,
Moving backwards,
They begin to close,
Preparing for the dormant period.
We ,too, know the shutting down,
When slowness creeps into our souls,
And energy leeches out from within.
Let this time be that of reflection,
A tidying up of a life,
And all bitterness or sorrows,
Allowed their freedom,
For what is it,
But to be polite.

Love Mary x

Bruma was a dark brown tawny cat
Who slept most of the time
On carpet or mat,
Sometimes curled up, on the settee,
Next to the baby or Evelyn maybe.

As is the way with cats,
They wake early searching for food,
So after demolishing biscuits and before the family were awake Bruma
Decided to go exploring.

Upstairs she padded on fat soft paws,
Up, and up in the quiet dawn hours.
After three flights she reached the room
Pushed the door and slowly went in.
Inside she began to purr, thought what fun
I can have in here.

The Lego room was Alex's delight,
neatly laid out with sets so bright,
Some  from the archives, others new,
Plenty of hours of playing to do.
There were houses and ships, castles and vans, stations with trains running and ancient space lands.
Boxes of bricks and fairy scenes, a perfect place for a cat to be.

The train went first off the track but Bruma could not lift it back, so on the floor it did stay,
All the people in array.
On top shelf houses tall with gardens and patios and cars to the fore.
Along the roofs Bruno did step
Peeped through the windows
But suddenly stopped,
Down fell a house onto the ground,
All the Lego bits scattered around,
Started to get a bit afraid,
So Bruma decided to disengage,
Downstairs she went quick as a mouse,
Fast asleep in a trice.
Never again did Bruma dare
To venture into the Lego lair.

Love Grandma Mary ***

Some gals just want men to give them babies
And clean the gutters.




Love Mary xxxx

How to live as yesterday
In a perfectly natural way,
Every word that fills the page
Each concept that does engage
Imagination's highest thought
Is my yesterday's wrought.

Love Mary

You are my future
Standing in the bamboo
Safe from the crowd
Sheltered, protected
Blowing in the wind.

You wear the blue coat
The one that I bought
With fur edged hood
You loved the surprise.


Love Grandma xxxx

The little girl
Who wondered
What
Other people did
With elastic
Bands.

Love Mary ***

This Is Just To Say
BY WILLIAM CARLOS WILLIAMS
I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox

and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast

Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold



By William Carlos  William

It started out with innocence
At the hour of ones birth
And nurtured, by parental love,
It is gently dispersed.
Until words cannot be used
Or deeds given out
Without the magnitude
Of history laden down
With a curse.
So now I cannot speak or move
For fear of being misconstrued
Of standing on another's toes
Honesty and truth twisted
As a *****
Right and wrong swap places
At every interface
For mankind named these things
Only for itself and this sacred race.
So wretched soul that I am
A voice lost in smoke
Watching as others
Puff cigarette ash
In what, once was a face.

Love Mary **

Evelyn was here today ,
With the toys she did play,
Found the shell,
With the mother of pearl,
Thought that rather pretty,
As well.

Being two there's lots to do ,
The world is full of all the new,
Using words to explore,
Holds the Lego she adores.
Flies the fairies round the room,
Time to go; Oh! so soon.

Love Grandma Mary ***

She lost her son did my friend Pam
Took her with him in his arms
His possessions in the garden shed
His words and gestures in her head.

Met her often we’d talk of him
How handsome the boy, clever within
She spent her days collecting litter
Bits of silver paper from the gutter.

Went to Art school to sooth her pain
Painted the same picture over again
Found in an image reflected in glass
That boy, her life, in circles of light.

For Pam and Stephen.
Love Mary x

VIctoria sandwich
Is my favourite cake
Bought from ch ch chr
In the park
It can be cut into three
And stored in the freezer


It lasts for days
And goes crispy
When dry
I love it.

Love Mary

Hollyhocks grow
Where nothing else shows
In the cracks
Of paving slats
Under edges
Of garden hedges
Behind the bins
Where debis wins
Hollyhocks grow
Where nothing else shows.

Love to you all Mary , Mother, Grandma xxxx

Very kind of you but please this is too generous.
Staying indoors for the remainder of the winter.
Catching up on books waiting to be read.
You too must look after yourself.
Hibernating!
Love and best wishes
John


Love Mary

Uneven.

The flag stones were uneven,
So on wet days there was always a chance of slipping .
Even more when it snowed.
In Summer the grass grew through
And daisies,
Occasionally a hollyhock took home
Outlandish in comparison.
Once cemented in place
By a loved father,
In a garden filled with roses
And a Syringa tree.

Love Mary xxxx

Ten minute walk.

From the bungalow to the beach it took ten minutes,
Up hill and down lane passing the Catholic Church,
A small country primary school and row of council houses;
Then at the crossroads by the Post Office, selling sweets,
With Turf Walk to your left and hotels on the right,
Began the steep decline, to the sound of an incoming tide.

Once a year, this first day of The Family Summer Holiday,
Shievering with excitement, buckets and spades in hand,
Wanting to run, to find last year's spot of sand and water,
The seaweed and rock pools, boulders and clumps of clay,
The joy of an eternal return, the comfort of familiarity,
Where play had ceased and foot prints been washed away.

IOW ,Totand Bay by Mary x

It hasn’t stopped raining yet
The sky filled with greyness
Inside we watched the drips
Listening to the pitter patter.

Waiting out love is different
It stretches our endurance’s
Inside we watch for a knock
Listening to footstep in rain.

Love Mary ***

The Lego Boards.

I remember the day when everything was perfect,
The children quietly playing before tea,
And no expectation other than the togetherness
Of warmth through a window pane.

The Lego boards stretched out in a line,
Travelling the length of two adjoining rooms,
Houses, bungalows,a mansion and windmill,
Dotted with flower heads to make gardens.

I sat at the sewing machine in the sunshine,
Making a flannel gym slip for Katharine,
Lucky came in and purred against me,
Meowing for the rattle of her biscuits.

This is a life to value, where privilege
And contentment reign from simplicity,
And happiness found in human contact,
Captured in time and with love.

Love Mary xxxx

He thought he had permission
Gazing into womanly eyes.
She encouraged him
"Give her a kiss! It is Christmas"
I succumbed,  blankly,
My newly formed *******
Settling under plain top.

"He has taken a shine to you"
She smiled.
Was I flattered?
What sort of marriage
Did they have anyway?
I began to realise when
A hand under my top
Became a regularity,
Susan played with her
Toys.


Love Mary

On a chair with our cat
Fluffy tabby big and fat
Sat my mother book in hand
Reading something to expand
All the knowledge she did have
Collected there in that chair.

Remembering my Mum from Mary ***    Loved to talk to you all my life through .

When you make
The wrong diagnosis
Through lack of time
Or too much expense
Or did not want
To be home late
The patient
Not to your taste
You could not
Be bothered
To go on
Make the last link bond.
Remember they are someone's mum
A daughter or son
Grandparents to a child
And think again
And be inspired.
For if you don't
The repercussions
Will create
A culture of hate
All through
The place
You advocate
To practices
Far and wide
And other peoples
Lives.
So don't misdiagnose
Use your intelligence
And grow.

Mary

There she sits behind the telephones,
Welcoming staff with a smile
As they climb to the second floor
Or pass on along the corridors of power.
Smartly dressed in the latest cheap fashions,
Freckled face hidden behind mascara and
Powder.

Sorting and distributing the mail
She gets to know the residents,
Their desks and personalities:
The sick, unhappy, widowed,
Lonely, humorous and lecherous
Trustworthy, wholesome and shy.
The young lads looking for a date.

Pretty women with tales of love.
And those who remained single,
Some with bitterness and jealousy
Others contented.
It was a daily journey into adulthood,
The rituals and rules of the working
World.

Then there was Frank who delivered
The mail.
Salacious, rough and roguish,
And Kathy the tea lady
Who showed a breast or two
To the boys.
Somehow out of this cacophony
I found my Roger.

Love Mary **

The ceramic ***.

It had been admired from afar for years this large ceramic ***
With its abstract animal markings and David Austin old rose
Neglected by the continual change in temperature and attention
Ten years of survival had been amazing outside this small home.

The lady next door was to gain a gift as the family were selling
She gained the ceramic *** to be cultivated to her delighting
Next year it would be colourful with a variety of pretty flowers
One never knows if one waits long enough how the stars shine.

Love Mary **

People always die on me, my friend said,
So it will be okay if I visit as I do not mind,
I thought how strange to be so complacent,
But rather comforted by such an outlook.

Yeats said death and *** maketh the poet,
And if by going to such depths, I laugh!
We die, then so be it;
For all of our life is packed for departure.

Love to all my very dear friends and loving family.

Mary xxxx

Found you at last! Under that ****** clock,
The hour passed,
What were you saying to me today
About our first date?
Never knew that stations
Had so many venues.
Anyway, my lad, I got there in the end
Found you looking grim,
Words did not begin
But I shy apologised
For being late, was my mistake;
Took your hand from your pocket
And we went out of the station
To a new destination
That lasted a life time.


For my Roger in his pink shirt,
And winklepickle shoes love from your Pinky Woo
Love You ***

Far and wide we travelled
Up against the odds
Kept together, quietly
Exchanged what we loved.

Love Mary x

To those who lied to me, continually, and to save face
I do not give them forgiveness handed out on a plate
May they in times of trouble
Remember how they called
And bleed their hearts out slowly
And be sorry for their score.

I cannot change the powerful
Those who hold the cards
I am only weak and vulnerable
No longer have my hour
So after all the struggle
It was all a waste of time
No one ever surrendered
Not an inch of their
Grisly barb.

Love Mary ***

Somewhere in my mind,
Was something to be found,
Not on the surface,
No digging would surround.
It came out of nowhere,
As I passed the glass,
Peering at a turquoise stone,
A golden broach it did enhance;
It was my mother's moonstone,
A family heirloom,
Embellished with gold filigree,
And attached by a chain.
The Islamic pendant,
On display at the museum,
Sent me backwards on a journey,
To discover you it seemed.

On the way home I thought of Proust,
Tasting the Madeline, tea soaked,
The pleasure it did give me,
To remember times past,
And the fingers of Mother's hand,
Gently do up the clasp.

Love Mary **

She's very pretty
And you've been looking
I know you have
You like her
Don't you
She's your favourite
You like to see her each day
To stand near her
You have to
I know
Almost everyday
I like making up stories for you
As we make love
Because I love you.

For my Roger love Mary

Little bird you gave me your world
In a piece of Christmas tinsel
From an abandoned pine tree
It showed how unnecessary
Are the human words.

Love Mary ***

There is no justification
And those who do know it
Their mouths are blasphemy
Their hearts unclean.

Love Mary ***

She turned it in her small hand
Making its inanimate form live
With her imagination.
These things that were loved
Rested in her heart as she dreamed,
Slept under the coverlet by her soul,
Were always part of her being.
Carried her forward to a time
When they might be replaced
By some living breath.
But in her memories they remained,
Her playthings always remained.

Love Mary for Evelyn xxxxx

Your struggle , the pots
Blue oxide is inflexible
The grim reaper returns
On a note of savage trust.

The struggle is each day
And lingers to get it right
Then your spirit lifts lighter
The edges spread, smudge.

To Ian my painter friend.
Love Mary

If I'd been born a dandelion
A life of trouble free,
Propped against a fence
Or near an old Oak tree,
No one would notice
When I disappeared,
Only finding next year
I suddenly reappeared.

Love
Mary xxxxx

I wanted to give you
The beauty of my heart,
In a pretty face
Or the smile of a child,
Something, mysterious,
Unknown,
Carried within me,
Like the feathers of a dove,
Cradled forever,
But never quite shown,

So I gave you my beauty,
In the things that I owned.

Mary xxxx

Rain, midnight rain, nothing but the wild rain
On this bleak hut, and solitude, and me
Remembering again that I shall die
And neither hear the rain nor give it thanks
For washing me cleaner than I have been
Since I was born into this solitude.
Blessed are the dead that the rain rains upon:
But here I pray that none whom once I loved
Is dying to-night or lying still awake
Solitary, listening to the rain,
Either in pain or thus in sympathy
Helpless among the living and the dead,
Like a cold water among broken reeds,
Myriads of broken reeds all still and stiff,
Like me who have no love which this wild rain
Has not dissolved except the love of death,
If love it be towards what is perfect and
Cannot, the tempest tells me, disappoint.

Under the orange blossom,
Sat my mother and I,
My hands flat and smooth ,
Her's cracked and dry,
A simple band of gold,
Shone in the sun,
Oh I loved these moments ,
Oh I loved my mum.

Mary

You said, "thank you",
I said, " it's ok".

It was an ordinary day,
Neither sunny nor overcast,
He was an ordinary man,
Slightly stooped,
With loss of hair,
Dressed in grey,
With yellow neck scarf,
Carrying chrysanthemums,
From the local shop;
Somewhere between duty,
Memory and need,
This ritual was performed,
Quietly, without affectation,
Or expectation,
Placing the blooms,
On a simple plot,
In a churchyard,
Once a month,
This man,
Performing,
An  act,
Of,
Extraordinary,
Love.

Love Mary ***