O me! O life!… of the questions of these recurring;
Of the endless trains of the faithless—of cities fill’d with the foolish;
Of myself forever reproaching myself, (for who more foolish than I, and who more faithless?)
Of eyes that vainly crave the light—of the objects mean—of the struggle ever renew’d;
Of the poor results of all—of the plodding and sordid crowds I see around me;
Of the empty and useless years of the rest—with the rest me intertwined;
The question, O me! so sad, recurring—What good amid these, O me, O life?

Answer.

That you are here—that life exists, and identity;
That the powerful play goes on, and you will contribute a verse.

i think i might be horrible.
i am too impulsive and too reckless.
i hurt people even when i don’t mean to and sometimes i don’t care.




i very much want to be good.

i am desperate
full of need
of wanting
to shake life by the shoulders
and say
“give it all to me”
i want be so heartbroken my hands don’t stop shaking for 7 days
i want to laugh so hard my heart feels like it’s collapsing inside of my ribs
i want to lay outside in the heavy humidity of a
mid summer day,
to feel the heat pressing down around me,
the cicadas’ symphony ringing in my ears
i want to rip the world open with my bare hands
it’s not enough for me,
this endless existence,
i want to live.
i’m trapped,
with only a quiet, persistent desperation
to take life by the throat and spill it’s content on
the wet pavement
i want life’s blood to fill the hollow cracks in between my bones

you don’t think about it too often
but the cold harsh hurting
of someone leaving is unbearable.
i am both addicted
and horrified
of it

are we
what we do
or
what we don't do
or is not doing
enough of an action
that
all you do
can be counted toward
all you have
made sure
not to.

i took a solemn, slow walk down the
sidewalk in front of your apartment
and i saw her,

intimidating at first but beautiful
in black lace,
Death,

sitting in a bookstore skimming through a book about Life,
oh they were an inseparable pair but
oh she was magnificent

but after contemplating for some time
i realized that in order
to be truly happy,

i must meet her.