when youre not drowning
youre floating

there is no peace of mind
in the pursuit of it

let me make it simple
(all are painful though)
gd doesnt exist
gd is aweful
i dont understand gd but hes good still in a very complicated (and unnecessary way if you as me)

why do I always also get a headache
during emotional turmoil

G-d you better have good explanations
when i get up there

gd why do you let this happen to me
im not sure you will help me

if gd doesnt exist im crazy
but there is no way to know

either G-d or life
is a hoax

the sun is shining through the window
and inside the weight of black thickness

emotions won’t **** you
but that’s the worst part

i can’t be there for you
because i feel all your pain

why does your simulation require
stabbings to my gut and a boulder on my chest

he rejected me
it hurts
it wasnt meant to be
this pain is meant to be?
who are you mr meant to be

my life is a relentless series of
a boulder on my chest on and off

i didn’t pray to gd today
i always do
i didn’t sing your praises
or read how you carry me
i wanted this poem to rhyme
so you can find it cute
but i always do doesn’t rhyme with
i feel so broken and like you don’t even care and how do you put me in all this pain and my life makes me feel like i want to die and nothing is fair and im suffering in emotional pain too often for like ten years already and it’s not like im not trying not to suffer, i am but i dont seem to know the code they say embrace your feelings but then also let go and i feel like i dont know how to accept my feelings or let go and it results in so much suffering

so sometimes life doesnt rhyme

you tell me its all in the mind but when circumstances change my throat opens again

i dont want to be here
i dont have a choice

seriously G-d
you expectations are wild

all this discomfort
and no relief

adulthood ***** because im responsible to solve my own suffering i dont have a solution for

and now even sleep
has no rest

you cant force me
you can manipulate me

it will pinch your inside
and squish your heart
logic won’t calm it
but i am here with you

waving a palestinian flag is not freedom of speech it is hate speech. It is the new **** flag

art is imperfection
otherwise it would be a photograph

i don’t trust my reasoning
it’s not reliable

just tell me ill eventually
have clarity on existence

life is incomprehensible

let me at least revel
in the moments i dont wish to die

i dont like it here
i never wanted this

when is it intuition
and when is it fear

what do i do with pain
that is clinging to me

G-d if you exist
how’d you come about

she told me she thought i did a good job
and my brain called her a liar

my sadness is as attractive as my poems

i think resilience
turned into anxiety

im too sad
too present you a clever poem

what did i do to deserve this
im trying my best over here

is this sadness my fate
will there be an escape

self esteem wasnt in your mind
those who were watered in sunshine blossomed

the only hard part
is not knowing how

do i know deep down
or am i delusional

imagine having an incessant weight on your chest
and an awful feeling inside
but expecting yourself to be normal

i dont want to feel
i dont want to suffer

definitely one hundred percent doing this whole life thing wrong i dont know how to do this

my emotions attack me
i am defenseless

i fall in and out
so i don’t trust love now

being anxious and older
i thought it would go away when i grew up

inside myself feels awful
i hate going about this