I've fallen of the band wagon.
It's time to face reality
I've gotta find vitality
How can I not succumb,
When this battle has left me numb?

Blood red,
My adolescent friend.
I've had to accept that
You'll always be an unwelcomed visitor.
Knocking at my door at the end of each month.
My body starts to ache
upon your arrival.
Obviously Blood Red I can't
Be a tyrant every time you knock at my door.
Sometimes I'm even sweeter than most days.
You wouldn't even tell that I have an unwanted guest.
When you're around I can't help but to have the urge to stay in bed.
Your presence expands my appetite and palette.
Your presence tests my patience.
Your presence builds up insecurities when I'm in my favourite finely pressed white dress.
Blood red, you old friend
I've had to accept that
You'll always be an unwelcomed visitor.
Knocking at my door at the end of each month.

I know I'm not stupid
But I can't help to think that  I am stupid.
But even if so I don't have an excuse
Let's just say the lift hasn't been reaching the top floor lately.
If only I had someone to confine in.
Even those that call me friend turn their backs and laugh, they whisper all the things that make me insecure and smile about it.
I've decided to drop people in my life
If you give me a negative vibe
Vanish out of my life
You'll be the person I warn people about.
Like I said I know I'm not stupid and I should be doing better
But I don't even have an excuse for myself
It's like there is a barricade stopping me from reaching my full potential.
The only thing that I can say is I'm clearly not the brightest star that lights up the night.

Easy so they say
I left a challenge behind
It was purposeless.

There it is.
The sparkle in your eyes when you look into mine,
The delicate touch of your soft lips against mine.
There it is!
that priceless smirk when our eyes lock in a crowded room.
Your warms hugs when our bodies interlock.
There it is , that sound.
The tick tock from the clock,
endless hours spent with you.
There it is my time delibrately given up for you.

What is it I'm not doing right? because lately my life has just been filled  with disapointments.
Maybe I expect to much from people...
Maybe I expect to much from myself.
I just can't seem to get anything right,literally everthing in my assignment is wrong.
I hardly speak when I am lost.
This cannot be me living my best life
when I feel like such a loser in the game of life.
Maybe I don't try hard enough.
I just don't know what it is that I am not doing right.
Is it because of the person I was a few years ago: judgemental,selfish,self absorbed and a humble brag.
I just can't put my finger on what I'm not doing right.

Your eyes say a lot,
But your eyes give me a certain look.
Your eyes give her and him the very same look .
I see you with a lot of girls
But some how I believe that I'm still special.
I've got a hunch you make everyone else feel "special".
I don't want to believe it
But I can't help myself believe that you and I  truly may have something going on.
As I write this poem about you,
I think about the moment we first met
To the last time I saw you
Where you placed a soft kiss on my forehead.
A kiss so sweet.
Enough to make me believe that you and I are an item.
But then again I'm  frightend
By what people may perceive me to be.
As you have many admirers
One being someone I'm close to
Who has no clue
That I have such feelings for you.