You are the answer
To my question
You are the solution
To my problem
You are the inspiration
To my curiosity
You are the calm
To my escalation
You are the sleep
Of my deprivation
You are the rest
My body and soul needs
You are the love
I dreamt of having
You are the one
Who loves me in return
You are not what I expected
But now that I realise
You are what I needed all along

You and I
We are the same
Yet so different
You are the Ying to my Yang
The confidence to my insecurity
The simplicity to my complications
The security to my vulnerability
You are the sleep I can not  get
You are the calm I can not face
You are the love I can not reason with
You are the reason I cannot explain
I choose you
In every second of every minute of every day
I love you
With every fiber every cell of my being
I love you
Enough to know you are the one
Enough to not ask why

Being brave
What does it mean
Is it about taking risks
Like jumping off a plane
Or going travelling alone
Does being brave
Mean doing something new
Or trying to beat what someone else had already achieved
Being brave
Does it mean to convince yourself
You can accomplish something
You didn’t think possible
Or does it simple say
Try something new
Something scary such as
Being yourself for a change
Not what you perceive
What everyone wants you to be
Expressing your love
Or your hate without caring what others Wishes to see
Being brave
Does it mean pleasing others
Or
Just doing something new

I hate that I am thinking of you
I laugh at something on tv
And I think about you
I look at my phone
And I think about you
I cry myself to sleep
And I think about you
And I wonder
Are you thinking of me too
Does the streets we walked by remind you of me
Does the program you love to watch
Make you think about me
Does doing the dishes in your kitchen
Remind you of the time I was there
Do you think about me as often as I think about you
Does it hurt you as much as it hurts me realising I am not there
And you are not here
Does it bother you as much as it bothers me
I still love you
After everything you haven’t said
After everything you haven’t done
Does it hurt you thinking about us
Does it make you say what if?

All my life I have tried
To find someone like minded
To have fun to have a laugh with
To have adventures and share experiences
Instead I have been involved with
People with fear people with burden
People who were too afraid to be theirselves
People who were to afraid to live
People who were scared to admit
What they really feal
It made me realise that
What they say is true
You attract what you are
What you fear most
Is what crosses your path.

Day 1 of trying to survive without you
My heart hurts
My body aches
My head is fuzzy and it hurts too

Day 2 of trying to survive without you
My heart hurts
My body aches
My head is fuzzy and it hurts too

Days 3,4,5 and 6 of trying to survive without you
My heart hurts
My body aches
My head is fuzzy and it hurts too

They said time heals all hurt and pain
They lied.

You are trying to make me regret the words I have said to you. When it should be you regretting the words you could have said to me.

Is it really sad that
When I silent call you
I wish that you would
Stay on the line long enough
For me to hear you take a deep breath
That way
I can close my eyes
Pretend that you are breathing
Next to my ear
Like you used to
When we were sleeping

You are the one I love
One that I call mine
I thank whoever is listening
For your existence
You make me laugh
You make me cry
You make me feel
That I am alive
I thank that i have you
And that I belong to you
Stay mine whatever it takes
There is more laughs
More tears to come by
I vow that I belong to you
However long I can
However long you want me to
I am proud to say I am yours
I wish to stay I wish to be yours
Don’t forget to stay mine
Don’t forget that YOU ARE LOVED.

At last
The end is in sight
This time I’m angry
This time I’m grieving
You have just given up your soul
Not to the devil
But to guilt instead
This is just the beginning
For you. For me. For her
This time it will hurt
This time it will last
I can’t help but feel
The loss of a loved one
You have just committed suicide
You have given up the last bit of you
Not to the devil
But to guilt instead
I’m hurt
I’m sad
I’m angry
I’m left behind
You haven’t just given up on hope
You have given up on memories instead
Not only the ones we made
But the potential ones
We were yet to make

How can you love me
And hurt me this much
How can you love me
And touch her skin
How can you love me
And let her touch you
Why did you do this
Why did you leave me
To be hers
Out of guilt you say
Out of pity
Since when guilt rules desire
Since when pity becomes ***
Do you feel guilty for me
For what you have done to me
What happens to me now
Do I need to seek your pity

On the edge of darkness
I sit I wait
For what is yet to come
It feels sooner than later
Is this the end
Is it only the beginning
Trying to be strong
Pretending I can survive
It will hurt that I know well
How much how long
That remains to be discovered
I have nothing left to lose
But not much to gain either
With you without you
Life will continue
How much I lived
Since I got to live loving you.
What I have lost of myself
Since I gave all of mine to you
You gave me pain
You became my pleasure
What I felt with you
Is bigger than the words I know
When I said I more than love you
Nothing more was left to do
When I fell
I fell hard for you
When you loved me back in return
What else was I supposed to do
I was the love of your life once
Who knew the life was gonna get this hard
I won't ever apologise
What I or you ever done
My crises brought us together
Your crises will do us apart
When the time comes
Be gentle with me for one last time
I been hurt once
I got broken and punished enough
Be the most decent man I once knew
Come tell me yourself
Decisions have been made
Time for us is at its end
Tell me your goodbye
Kiss me for one last time
This time I know it's gonna end for good
I won't drag my feet
I won't shed my tears
I will walk away from you
To give you your life back
And to start searching for mine.

Do you know how it feels
When you walk out of my bed
To go back to her
It hurts
It hurts not knowing
If she is playing a game
Knowing you will go
Because she asked you to
Not knowing if she really needs your help
Or just want you by her side
Knowing you will go
Because she asked you to
Do you know what it does
It breaks me to pieces
Not knowing what you will do
Will you help care for the sick mother
Or hold her close tell her you are there
Is she trying to get you back
Will you let her have you
Will you tell her you belong with someonelse
Do you know where you belong
Have you made that choice yet
Is there even a choice to be made
Can you walk away from me
If she offers to take you back
Will your life become whole
If it is you and her again
Can you become hers once more
Forget who have you just left
Is this a game of me versus her
Or was I always by myself

Depression is familiar
Allowing me to hide in it's comfort
Escaping reality
Playing a happy pretend
Depression is my friend
Listening my story
Allowing me to wallow in it
Not shaming me for shedding tears
Depression is an old blanket
Keeping me safe in its warmth
Holding on tightly promising not to let go
Not afraid to tell you it's ok
To feel this crap to feel sorry
Depression is back
To remind you how pathetic life is
Showing what I'm worth
Telling me darkness is my only friend
Depression is taking over
Acceptance is welcoming me
To give myself to it's glory
To have a name for how I feel
Depression is facing reality
To need help but where you gonna find it.

Your heart is so pure

I m afraid to look in there

Afraid that if I do

I might find myself there

If I fall further in love

I might loose my head again

I might make the same mistake of

Not being myself again

My heart is so full of love

It hurts not to share it with anyone

I m afraid if I do

I might have it broken by you

If you gonna love me

You have to do it carefully

My heart is fragile you see

It aches to be loved by you

I m Scared that if it's not you

My heart wouldn't know what to do.

Today is the day
I do something which I will regret 
Today is the day
I'm gonna say **** it
I'm gonna live and laugh
Today is the day 
I'm gonna forget
I'm gonna drink too much
Smoke a little ****
Pass out and wake up feeling sick
Today is the day 
 I'm not going to question 
Why does it feel 
To be so hurt
Yet wanting do it all over again 
Today is the day
I ask you for your love
To hear me out
Try to understand 
Today is the day 
I wish you could be me
To see things from my eyes
Put yourself in my place 
As I often do with you
Today is the day 
I let you choose me
To choose us
To give us a chance
To wherever it leads
For however it takes 
Today is the day 
I ask you to be you
To look at me like you used to
To touch me like you did
To smell my skin
To feel my heartbeat 
To see if it's still matching yours
Today is the day 
To act like there is no tomorrow 
To live for now
To laugh and to not care. 
Today is the day 
I ask you to be mine again 
Like you once used to be
To give your everything to me
And to take what's yours
As I wish to be taken
To be made yours
Once and for all
For ever and ever again

When I heard about love
I didn't understand it
How could two entities 
Become one when joined 
When I heard about loving
I thought it was silly
How could one change so much
For another human being
When I heard about love
I didn't believe it
How could an *****
Could have any feelings
Since I  fallen in love
I understood what it means
For two human beings 
Act as one when they were joined
Since I fallen in love
I thought of nothing
But the one I feel loved with
Since I fallen in love
I believed it to be true
The heart that I carry
Have not only a mind
But a soul attached to it
Since I fallen in love with you
I became complete
Found what was missing
To make me whole again.

Loving you
Being scared of losing you
Hearing you talk
Seeing you smile
Having you love me
Admitting your insecurity
The way you see right through me
Looking at me the way only you do
Making me laugh
Letting me cry
Stroking my ego
Echoing my hearts beat
The way you hold me
How I want you to touch me
Making me feel like a woman
Allowing me to behave like a girl
How I love loving you
How I can't stop thinking of you
The way you make me feel
How my lips cry for your taste
My skin feels lonely
My heart becomes cold
I'm insecure too you know
I need to be told I'm loved
I like being told I'm liked
With you I'm perfect
I'm whole
I'm beautiful
When I'm alone
I'm miserable
I'm hated
I'm not complete
Loving you heals me
Being loved by you saves my sanity
Do love me
Tell me I'm yours
Hold me in your arms
Don't let me break to pieces
With you I'm complete
Without you I'm nothing.

You
My hope
My light
My smile
You
The one I Love
I care for
I can't let go
You
My broken man
My hopeless lover
My innocent heart full
You
My tall dark handsome prince
Beautiful thoughtful caring charming
You
The love of any girls dream
The cat who should have got the cream
The one who suffers in silence
Who will accept anyone's sorrow
Carry his own sadness to grave with him
You
The one I can't have
The one I couldn't be with
The one I won't hurt no more
You
The one with the purest of hearts
Most decent man I had the pleasure of knowing.

When I was a young girl
I dreamt of man big and beautiful
With a smile which melt my heart
With a heart to hold my love
When I was a young girl
I dreamt of a man handsome and strong
With a shoulder to bury my head
With arms to hold me strong
When I was a young girl
I dreamt of a man who loved and cherished
With eyes to look right in
To see my soul next to his
When I was a young girl
I dreamt of a man so special
To love me without cause
To want me for no reason
I m a grown woman now
Who found the man of her dreams
To love to hold to be with
I m a grown woman lucky enough
To call her man MINE

I'm hurting for what if
I'm hurting for what was
I'm doing things I know
It's not gonna help this time
Is it time to call it quits
Is it time to end this pain
I ask you this one last time
Is there any hope for us?

Was I really ever the one
Who stole your breath away
If I ever was that one
Why do you regret it now

I am I was I will
Be the one you ask me to
Will I ever be the one
You ever wish me to

Did you ever really love me
Was I just a wishful thinking
Did you ever hope one day
I could be the one you wish for

Darkness takes over you
I'm the first you push aside
You will realise one day
I was always where you are
I never gave up on you
But given on my hopes instead
As you made it very clear
I shouldn't hope I shouldn't wait

**** you and the way you made me
Feel like a queen feel like winning
**** you to hell and back
To drop me back
Down to my knees

I thought I had it right
When I had you holding my hand
I thought I got it right
When I trusted you with my heart
Beaten broken left on its own
I will struggle
I will get on
I hope that one day
You will see me
See that I tried
See that I failed
I hope that one day
You will understand
It was all of me
Not nearly enough of you
To look after the heart I gave you
To hold the love I had for you
I hope that one day
You will understand
I would have given all that I am
If you only gave
Your love for me.

The one I love

My guilt

My pain

My pleasure

The one I have sinned with

Only one I have fallen for

Why did you have to be

Best thing to happen to me

Whilst hurting me the most

You are by far

The biggest mistake I have made



My love

The one I have no hope to be with

The one I have no future to hope

My pleasure

The one I can't get enough of

Only one I have desire for

My pain

The one I allowed myself to belong

Only one who doesn't want to be mine

My guilt

The one I miss the most

Only one I keep going for more

My mistake

The one who let me love

To be myself and so much more

The one who is going to leave me

If not today

Who knows when it will be

Never been so close in distance

Yet so far from one another until now

What happened to us baby

Why did this happen

I remember the days

When you used to say

I would give the world to you

If only you were mine

Well I am yours as much as you are mine

You have my heart

You had my body

My soul were lost somewhere with yours

When all I ever wanted

Was your love and affection

And your time to show me

What being yours meant to be

I ache to be with you

To be hold by you

To be touched by you

To be kissed

To be loved by you.

Instead

There is you

Than there is me

What is this space in between

The space of darkness and empty

The space in which I'm drowning

With doubt sorrow and lonely.

Yeah I know it's stupid

It's one of those lame stories

It's not you it's me right?

It's not you who doesn't care

It's me who wished more

It's not that you don't have time

It's me who wants more

It's not you who doesn't love

It's me who loves more

Who knew it'd come to this

Not me for sure

I'm the one who asked for this

Who pushed for it to come this far

Is it ever gonna get better

Is my skin ever gonna get thicker

Will I learn to just take what's there

And full fill the rest elsewhere

Will I ever learn to be ok

Will I ever learn to walk away

If it's just me who is at fault

What are you in this for

Do I hurt you just as much

Or is it still not you but me

Do I get more than I give

Will I ever get more than I have

Is what I have is what I deserve