You do not know me, you do not understand my damaged mind,

You do not know me, you do not understand how meaningless things that mean so much to you are in my eyes,

You do not know me, you do not understand that the words I love you mean nothing and I don’t say them because I do not love any more,

You do not know me, you do not understand why I tore myself to shreds with the blade that was my only real friend and comfort,

You do not know me, you do not understand that every second feels like a drop of blood leaving one of my wounds and slowly weakening me,

You do not know me, you do not understand how the ice cold of the night could bring warmth back into my body,

You do not know me, you do not understand that pain is nothing in my eyes, it doesn’t exist, I do not feel and I do not want to,

You do not know me, you do not understand that this world is not my place, that this world is a prison, it has taken my freedom and it has destroyed me,

When you constantly wake up covered in sweat and your own blood it stops meaning something,

When you constantly have nightmares filling every corner of your mind, they stop meaning something

When you constantly shed tears because you know you’re letting down the one you love, they stop meaning something,

When you constantly yearn for peace and freedom but never get it that pain stops meaning something,

When you constantly feel steel running through your flesh it stops meaning something,

When you are constantly feeling these things it becomes a routine, bleed, sweat, cry, fear and finally when you are so worn down, sleep, when this happens everyday it stops meaning something,

Tears, they generally accumulate around our eyes but what if our bodies were to cry as well,

My body sheds tears, so does yours at one point or another, they are red, warm and thick,

Like the tears from our eyes these can also hurt,

Many a life ends in rivers of red cascading down broken bodies and through distraught on lookers who couldn’t save them,

They fall like raindrops leaving a stain on both the floor and our memories with that ever glistening red,

When we cry these tears we slowly begin to lose ourselves, as with each drop a small portion of who we are evaporates never to return,

These tears, they are red and they are warm yet make us feel so cold, they drip from my cuts, but even those that are healed still cry,

What have I done, I made a promise, a promise to stop and never do it again,

What have I done, I thought that I could bring her into this and have her by my side for the journey but this is my war, I must fight it alone,

What have I done, I can’t tell her, no matter how much it hurts to hide it she can’t know, for her sake,

What have I done, I lost, I lost the battle that for so long I thought I was winning, but now it is over and I lie wounded upon the ground,

What have I done, I tried so hard to do the right thing by her but I fell into old habits, I fell into old traps that never truly disarmed,

What have I done, I have to fix this, I can’t let it start again, I have to stop, for her because I belong to her, I love her, I’m sorry, for everything,

Why I did it, I did it for comfort, distraction, I did it because it was the only thing I could hold on to when everything else slipped away,

Why I did it, I did it to try and understand what was wrong with me, when I felt so weak it made me feel some sort of reassurance that I can’t explain,

Why I did it, I did it so I could gain some sort of relief even if it only lasted for a short time,

Why I did it, I did it to be able to shed tears about something other than what was going on, to try and shed tears that had even just a tiny bit of purpose,

Why I did it, I did it because I wasn’t strong, time and time again I fell into its hands and it held me and I became like a moth unto a flame,

Why I did it, I did it as my world crumbled around me, as I dodged spikes and stones the one thing I couldn’t avoid was falling into its hands, I wanted to be free but it wouldn’t let me go,

Why I did it, I did it so I could take out my anger in a way that would remain permanent but it was not what I truly wanted, it was something that led to my falling further and further from any hope of emerging from the rubble of my life,

Why I did it, I did it because I wasn’t in control of who I was, I’m not in control of who I am or what I shall become, the darkness closes in around me, as my tears drop I lose myself once more,

I yearn for the blade, for the cold steel to pierce my skin and let the blood flow,

I yearn for the blade, for the comfort that only it can provide even if it is only short lived,

I yearn for the blade, for the purposefulness it makes me feel the purposefulness that I know I don’t possess,

I yearn for the blade, for the sparkling red tint it gains when it emerges from my flesh,

I yearn for the blade, for the release of everything that only it can provide, the release of emotions and anger so long bottled up,

I yearn for the blade, for the first the last and every cut in between,

I yearn for the blade, for the point to make one last mark, a mark that will end it all,

I yearn for the blade, for the steel to wash it all away, all the pain, sadness and anger until nothing is left just memories of someone long gone,

I yearn for the blade, for one last night looking at the sky, to end it all,

Slash, the blood pours down an innocent arm, being punished by that to whom it belongs just for being associated with them, all because of the hatred for themselves,

Cut, the flesh slowly parts as dreams and tears fall to the floor burning and floating away as ashes of a scorched memory,

Stab, the blade sinks into the raw flesh, a chilling sensation penetrates down to the bone as the cold steel ****** the heart and mind like a needle injecting an addictive drug into the system, for it is just that, addictive,

Tear, the skin is torn away around the wounds, they cannot heal for they are made deeper everyday, they get bigger and bigger consuming all that composed ones sanity until they drop crippled by loss of blood, dreams, aspirations and hope,

****, the blood gushes like a waterfall, it is as if we are a forest of trees, they cut away at our trunks with knives, ultimately we all shall fall,