I need to write you a letter
its content will hurt you
I'm sure
But there are words that need to be voiced
Pain that has rattled around in my soul
for five decades left unsaid

Your end is near
four months they said
that was almost three hundred days back
You are holding on
by the strength of your will
and here I come to rock your boat

Or will I

Am I so sure what I need to air
will bring a storm to your port
Perhaps this is just me clinging to hope
like a castaway hangs on to a plank
I have always wanted with all of my heart
to know you loved me, your daughter

Maybe I need to accept once and for all that you don't
because you don't know how to

or maybe you don't want to

Should I write my letter I ask myself
as I let my thoughts flow onto this page
What is there to gain if you will not talk
you have always refused to engage in the past
You know you have little time left
but why should this be a reason to change

Perhaps the time has come for me to say
'I release you, Pa'

and walk away …

It's hard to get your heart at ease when your brain doesn't seem to rest
The would've been, has been, and could've beens take over any sense of tranquility that your mind had its eyes set on and destroy the reality of the paths your feet walk on.
Everything is distorted.
Lies become the most prevalent form of communication, leaving reality to become the downfall of our nation.
Let freedom ring, there's no truth to what's been sung, because we're trapped in our minds and we can't even run.
Succumbing ourselves to the limitations of the norm, we fail to succeed in the destiny put forth to us by the only Man that really matters.
We pretend that whats already been written for us is really our own to write, turning our destiny and our fate into our own demise.
It's hard to sleep when you know your brain is wide awake, plotting the steps you were never meant to take.

I still remember those times when I would wait outside your house waiting for you to sneak out. Walks in the park. Standing in the rain together sharing a cigarette as we held each other for warmth. Listening to the sweet nothings that you would whisper into my ear with the ever so faint smell of tobacco rolled off your tongue. Watching scary movies together in my bed you holding me close as we both jumped from the terror of a frightening scene. These were the things we used to do before you became the stranger that you have become. Missed calls, unanswered texts, and an empty bed is all I know of you now. You are such a stranger to me now. I don't know if we could ever be what we used to be but come around don't be such stranger.

I shed tears in the face of my anxiety,

Gentle

Warm

But They do nothing to resuscitate the hardened exterior

Jagged

Cold

I sweep the floor on my way to your feet

Begging

Weeping

Breath to me life I know you can give

Love

Heart

Save my soul that’s in your hand

Withered

Beaten

Naught can but you, my love

Trust

Trust

Can tell what I know you won’t

Lie

String

Only I can do what I’ve never wanted,

Lost

Found

I conceive no fact to life

Down

Deep

My only salvation in your arms

Love

love

So cold it leaves me in the rain

Alone

cold

I bind the chain around my ankle,

Straining

Chaining

And surrender to the depths of your waters

In you

In you I am safe

Brown-gray whiskers
chaotically twirling
wreath his face.
A testament to hardship
and wisdom accumulated.
His eyes are an ocean
deep and unknowable.
Monsters swim in its deep,
Indescribable.
His face is cracked and wrinkled
but the skin is taut
too tight and jawline stretched.
Mist-like hair meets shoulders,
greasily tangling.
In front of him a rust spotted buggy,
creaking
groaning
holds his world.
Trash bag continents slide against each other
making new mountains,
transforming
shopping cart geography.
I meet his eyes on the sidewalk
but quickly look away.
I always look away.

Low on life,
I’ll pull you in.
I’ll breathe your breath.
I’ll warm your skin.
Drunk on love,
I’ll drink you in.
I’ll hold you close.
I’ll be your sin.