Sometimes I still feel 18
Like I could still be
Picked apart just by
Looking in your eyes

Like I’m still watching you
Tie a cherry stem
And silently hoping you
Were trying to impress me

And I can almost still feel
Your lips on mine
And the peace I felt
For just that moment

But we grew up
You moved on, moved away
Out of reach, not out of mind
In and out of love all at once

But you can still find me
Driving too fast down dirt roads
Trying to crack jokes at the drive thru window
And breaking down in the Walmart parking lot

Thinking of you

It’s August 14th and I am thinking of you.
As the Summer’s monsoon breathes
It’s final breath, and ceases.
I will see it again, and I will see you.

But I’ll have changed a million times
I’ll color over tattoos that remind me of you.
Changed my name, my frame,
And forget if you care at all.

Maybe you do. I know you did.
I can still feel your head resting on my chest.
All our memories are salt to my bleeding flesh
Because of overthinking and insecurity.

Because I would’ve called you,
If I thought you were ever home.
Came over,
If I thought you were Alone,
Took you as mine
If only I had known.

What hurts is
I can still imagine
The feeling of your nails
In my back,
Your lips
On my neck,
My hand
On your throat.
A moment reaching
It’s point of crisis,
And none of it feels wrong,
Then when it’s over
There would be nothing
Left to do but
Wake up the next day
To your sleeping face;
Blanketed by the quiet light of morning,
Walk into the kitchen,
Make you strawberry pancakes
(Probably a little burnt),
Kiss your cheek,
And tell you how beautiful you are.

Just like that, everything was still.
My blood ran cold. Air trapped itself in my lungs.
Bursting forward but stopped by some
Force within me. My numb lips grew warm.

(Then hot.
It was all so familiar.)

And for a moment there was time.
Time for you
And time for me
Time to hear words spill out from your lips

(Like sweet honey
And maraschino cherries.)

Time for miracles,
Time for horrors,
Time for a thousand more “I’m sorry’s”
And a thousand “You know I ******* loved you.”’s

(To think “plans change a lot.”
We have that written in ink.)

Time for Parisian flats
For golden morning light pouring through windows,
And typewriters,
And a cup of coffee growing cold.

(I’ll come to where you are
Alone in the quiet light)

Just like that, the moment was passed.
Time was up.
I could breathe.
My lips were numb again.

(And I was happy. You were happy.
We were happy.)