waxing streets a maze of affluence
Those spots of hidden lightlessness blockade a fear
So few can hear, shadowed an paired
The gentle raps slide close behind
A soft rustle the only hint
Breathes quicken as footsteps follow
A burst of slick fear the final taunt
Sudden claws wrap around the soft flesh
The neck bared to chilled midnight air
A shock smothered screams
Cruel fingers tear away shields of appearance
Barren and defaced,
fast harsh strokes rip through the night
****** lips whisper nothing
A rustle is all that tells of a loss
the click of steps recedes into a gathering dawn

They sit next to you on the train
The bus
The desk next to yours
you pass them everyday
They laugh with their friends
smile at jokes
who they are is hard to see
from the captain of chess
to the queen bee
From the girl who hides behind her *******
To the boy with alcohol on his breathe
No one looks
past the red eyes or *** stained sheets
No one sees whats hidden
In that perfect outfit
what lies behind that smile
hidden darkness buried in them all
from the school *****
to the stoner god
They all hide that single flaw
From the class president
To the ballet star
We see them all
The musical prodigy wasting away
To the redundant poet trying to make it through the day
No one can see the lonely

Spouting one thing
You say its all ridiculous
But i'm torn
to trust you
all of this was over
now my hearts fit to bust
why is everyone speaking this way
It feels like i am just in the way
i just lay curled up in pain
all of this
making things all the worst in so many ways

Like a splinter of dread all of these pictures fill my head
Bile rises in my throat it makes me fit to choke
i just want to fall in bed
yet my stuttering hand lifts this god forsaken pen

I have a streak of suicide
                                  Wait you like me better When i speak in lies
                                                     So i won't die
                                                                ­       I'll live my life
                               A reason to be isn't beyond me
                                                              ­  I will stay awake even as i wish to dream
                        I won't give anymore silent screams
                                                         ­                  Give me no reason to stay
                                                           I'll be here waiting for my final days to end naturally

Those two little tickets lay in the box  from a half remembered day when things werent all they could be

When you leaned over to me an said you loved how i watched the movie

Well now i sit here the smell of bleach drifting through the air

Me wishing i could tell you all thats happened with me

Like when we stayed up till three just trying to get to know me

But your gone an im misunderstood

Just another broken boy up to no good

Wrestling with my thoughts now that your off

Ill just sit here an let our old songs play remembering every single day

Falling down into a world of lovely demons
Lending my soul for the night
Crafting a sin from sweet perfume
Giving in to the rhythm of lust
Feeling all that we won't
Her name echoes in my head
As my body speaks with another's
I lend myself Trying in vain
I won't remember her wretched name
Need echoes my partners giving a desperate pace to our endeavor
Till we lay side by side my mind on another

Dreaming of a bullet taking up resident in my brain
Not out of desperation
Simple curiosity leading me on
A wondering force pushing me towards an end
For the simple craving of knowing

Strung up on adderall
****** out to normality
led on by conformity
Their path filled in with chaff
Rigged to persuade
Monotony fills their days
Pushed down in worthless ways
fed on a lethal dose of caustic fluorescent

It all started on that cold day
You started all of this with just a hi
We talked all day
An at the end of that  i asked you if i could say hey
We talked every single minute
Then we met to go see a film on that day
When i first saw you there my heart beat an beat
The smile you gave me was matched with shyness an glee
Now we walked an talked
An after the movie when we had to go our ways
We hugged an smiled an i started to feel a love that hadnt been there for awhile
Then you kissed me an made everything seem free
But the very next day you came to say i spent that entire day with you in my arms
Then after you said your past an i knew that you were my best
I asked you to be mine an you said yes
Then we spent our days in bliss
Jupiter was our greatest bless it was but a jest but you made me feel like no one less
But then i did wrong i made myself seem like a hog
I covered my love in ****** acts i made myself a piece of trash
I shouldve let my love go to you an show that i was always true
I had eyes only for you
Then one night as i felt us part
I heard you say we had to stay away
So i curled in my bed we had shared
An i cried an let loose my despair
But you were still there so i didnt let lose or forget my care
An then one day you called me back an said you loved me back
But as i sat with you on my lap i saw that you were leaving me for that sack
I grew cold an sold my soul
But you kept me close while i missed you the most
Until one day you came an cut me loose you said you were gone an past an i was just your last
But then the worst did come you turned agianst me an said these things an acted like you enjoyed when you left me
You said i was a cheat an a fake
But in truth i was yours alone
now as i miss you still you say you hate me
i wonder an ponder why this can be
An i fear i may never know for your still all i feel
I miss you my dear an i cant stop this fear
But i need to stop all of these tears
So im here just waiting to feel free
An once again be just me

You lie an connive
You make me sick while u spend all your time with that other guy
Im a fool an i do deserve to die
But ill make you pay ill tear you down where you stand
How dare you betray me how dare you ******* deface me
Your nothing but a worthless ***** tearing me apart without asking for more
I hate what youve done an who you have become ill cut my wrists an drown you in my blood
Ill wipe that smile off your face with a handful of distaste i regret it all i was in a worthless fog
I will make you regret playing me an making me weak im sick of you an what youve put me through fall down die in the ground im sick of this pain
That leaves me drained ill watch you convulse while i walk away my back forever turned on you

I sit with the blade to my skin waiting for it to begin
Letting it slide across my hide
It stirs an urge deep inside
Making crave the last time
I feel my heart beat pumping an jumping
waiting for the ripping an slashing
Will the blood pour like it did before
will it swirl an twirl to the floor
It sits with need wanting to be freed
The blood runs thick from those ravaged slits
Making the sight sting an bite
The river of red dancing in my head

I hurt inside so i wear my scars with pride i give in to the pain of it all to escape my broken bones an lacerated arms i give in to the broken an the desolate i turn my pain into the physical i give my heart for all i need is that one spark but no let me die an cry let the hurt burn my heart let the skin bleed an break let the fears keep me awake let all of this flow into my arm an give this to the dark lets settle my heart without its spark its just one more meaningless part

I stumble along this trodden path
The cost of this life turns us aghast
Silver tongued devils sell us our thoughts
The righteous mob throws us into the stocks
Caught in a hale of denial
The world shudders along in style

I sit in the puddle of mediocrity

My heartless lies pound an bleed across my sides

I linger in the shadows of the forgotten my fears leaving all of this rotten

i crave the hunger of ambition an the fruits of pride

Yet my apathy turns my hands to flippancy

An i force myself to deride

I make petty lines flowing down into shallow signs

The creature of my fury rests inside my chest

shallow breathes leave me gasping for more

I put the gun in my mouth an wrap my finger round the trigger

I bite my tongue feelin like a fool

Waiting for a chance to make it right

Id rather just end this ******* fight

Watch me splatter my brain across the backseat

I hope to god it doesnt look neat

My finger was on the trigger but my bloods on your hands