you're never satisfied with what you've got, are you?
you always want more than what you have
you're always asking for better
no matter what good there is
I could be a perfectionist but I still wouldn't be good enough for you
and that ******* ****** me off
you could never forgive me for what I've put you through
even though i had no intention to do any of the things
you blamed me for
I loved you, whole heartedly
I've been trying to be the best, to be there for you
through thick and thin
but that doesn't seem to be enough, does it?
you'd still cut me down even if I was too busy stitching your broken, shattered bits back together.
I don't know what is it that made me want to be a better person for you, to make you happy at all times
I guess it was pity
or guilt
or big words like love
you already knew I was shut out several times
so why'd you shut me out again?
you already knew I needed to be fixed
so why'd you break me down even more?
why'd you have to bring my insides out and flip my stomach over and make my body ache?
you couldn't leave that to Karma?
I've got endless questions in my mind and my problem is that I don't bother to ask, nor talk, or even give a sign of despair
I'm sick to my stomach for thinking you could help me
for having a glimpse of hope once more
you picked me up and swiped the dust off me just so you could throw me back again
sometimes I get the feeling that you've been told many wrong statements, assumptions, like your mind and heart have been turned against me, because I know it wouldn't be just you
or maybe you've been hurt, maybe it's the pain you've endured that has changed you this much
you don't know me, no, you didn't give me the chance to show or tell you how much you truly meant to me
you're gold and you're a keeper and i wish you've stayed that way
I wish it was the other way around
I wish I didn't have to lose so much in so little time
I wish I was writing this with no emotions, just thoughts
you've made me bitter, colder than ever
you've made me walk on broken glass and you've cut my scars wide open
I could curse, and cuss meaningless words at you, but I'd rather not you'll come back when you've got no one around anymore, and maybe that's the way it is
not the way it should be, but the way it is

it's times like these where I need you the most
but you're never around, no where to be seen
I haven't wrote anything since you've left
I can't function properly without you
my mind and soul were set to depend on you
to rest on your shoulder
there are 7 billion people in the world which means that there are enough shoulders and enough people that would rather hear me talk about what hurts but I refuse to open up to anyone other than you
you were what people would define as a 'soul mate'
you were actually more than that, I was too **** attached
never again.
how could you abandon me?
is it because i'm too ****** up that you failed each and every attempt at trying to fix me?
I wish you'd knew that you being by my side was the only thing that was holding me back from my anger and rage
having you around was the only thing that was keeping me from being on the cusp of insanity; now I'm the furthest thing from 'sane'
I know you're aware of my heavy thoughts that keep me down at times of my broken mind and my shallow soul
we used to have what everyone spent their whole lives searching for
we could've wrote marvelous books
the ones you'd get lost in
we had a strange ability, you and I
we could've been whatever we wanted to be
whenever, wherever, we wanted
we were the furthest thing from perfect
but I promise you, we were something special

I love you, because
when I'm with you, time stands still, my thoughts freeze, my heart feels warm and for a second, I believe that nothing exists, not my sorrow or pain or anything that makes my head hurt and my chest collapse
and I find that sad
I find that depressing
because you're always going to leave me
and love a bunch of people who don't deserve you
and come around when they leave
it's always going to be this way
but what you don't know is
I get the urge to ask you to stay, to tell you I don't need the therapy people offer and that I only need you
I have no idea why I seem to forgive you and take you back as you are after all the hurt you put me through
maybe because I have a soft spot for you
maybe just maybe, you've been messing me up a while back but I choose to keep you near
don't ever leave because you feel like you're causing me a heartache
don't ever leave when you get bored
don't ever leave when the person you prefer over everyone shows you the tiniest bit of attention
don't leave me behind, not again
stay here and
I would lay down with you for hours on end if that means I make your mind gaze into happiness and make your heart race too
just friends, though
just friends

and I just want to tell you day and night
from dawn until the stars come out
that I love you without a doubt

people and objects don't share many similarities but they are both in forms of different varieties and you can't trust everything that's written on a box, you can't trust ****** expressions or compliments or hands given out to you
let me explain it to you in a simpler way; for example,
you have been smoking nicotine for months on end until you eventually became an addict, throughout this period of time, you gave no attention to the fact that it's been exposing you to lung cancer
you avoided all the symptoms, said you'd be fine, couldn't have cared any less
and the day your lungs collapsed
is the day you realized you've been hooked up on something bad for you but you went on with it anyway
this is how it's like with certain people, certain feelings
they are toxic and unless you find a way to quit them, you will forever be a victim of the circumstances
forever suffering the consequences
so here's this, put an end to it
you love them, you tell yourself they're worth the pain and that it's the idea of love that keeps you going
but love isn't about breaking and breaking is the last thing you would want to romanticize
- during the past few years it is said to be that teenagers of the 20th century are more likely to experience heartbreak before their parents did when they were their age; which opens up opportunities like a mature mind and a sense of individuality in addition to emotional intelligence,
       but it also opens up devastation,    
       depression, anxiety disorders leading    
       to unexpected behaviors
so tell me, you love them
but are they worth the trouble?
if you are in search of love to convince yourself that the world isn't as cruel as you think it is, start by looking in between book shelves, in between pastel colors, to make it more clear, start looking for love within yourself
stop bleeding for someone who wouldn't bear a scratch for you
value yourself enough to not allow anyone to walk all over you, to never settle for less than what you deserve, to aim for something far more convenient than the usual temporary affection
love yourself
and the world, with all of its natural forces, will love you

it's all in my head... you'll never feel the same way
I can't explain it
it's not love, it's not hate
it's comfort and pain, you give me both and I can't help but ask for more
you're my pain and my remedy
my joy and my misery
you are the ink on my papers, you live in between my lines
you keep me going
and you make me want to drop everything and stop
stop trying, stop being there
stop writing you words that you'll never read
you're a mouthful of fresh air
'you filled my lungs with sweetness and my head with you'
but now you're only suffocating me and I can't think straight anymore

- can't keep you close, can't let you go

you're not any person
you look like you could be my remedy
someone who has the power to save me
whose love is as wide as the seven seas
someone to give me their books to keep
their hopes and dreams
share with me their fantasies
someone I think of right before I fall asleep,
'find a tune and play it on repeat'
and wake up feeling an urge of need
to be next to you and now look at me
I'm being dragged by my own feet
to a stage between illusions and what's real;
some place where we could meet
after all this time, how can you not see?
you're the one who controls my beats