I stare at my ceiling
With a hundred thoughts
“Maybe he knows who I am”
“Actually...
Probably not”

I walk down the hall
With my head down low
Scared to meet his eyes
Even when I hear his voice
I’m swarmed with butterflies

It’s impossible
To get you off my mind
I think about a hundred thoughts
And you are 99

I’ve understood that you will never
Be mine
And that’s fine
I’m just breaking inside

There is a mind
Within my mind

Which sends me words of wisdom
And words of courage
Inspiration and politeness

But then the other side hears
And takes over
Sending me the hate.
Hate for myself and
Everyone around me

The Minds try to mix and work together but
It never works

I hear the voices overlapping
Every second of the day
Arguing and taking different stands
Either I’m beautiful
Or disgustingly hideous
I’m smart
Or absolutely stupid

Some days I hate it
But I also love it
Because if there were no voices
I couldn’t do what I love best

I was wrong
For letting you come into my life
I was wrong for falling for you
And letting myself think
That you fell for me
Also
I was wrong to think I needed to love you
I thought I needed someone to love me
Oh how I was wrong
I was wrong for kissing you
For letting you all the way in
Opening myself up to you
I was wrong for dreaming of you
Of me falling gracefully into your arms
I was wrong
Now I know
But worst of all is
I am still wrong for loving you

They all left
All except you
And now
You want to desert me too?

I understand being afraid

Afraid that if you get too close
You’ll destroy everything
That the world will wreak havoc
If you mess one single thing up

You’re afraid of loving me
I’m afraid of loving you

And ever since those feelings
Have risen
You’ve been running
Hiding
From me

But the thing is
You can’t just run
Away from your fears
You must face them

So stop running
Stop hiding
Come back
Please
I need you

I need you so much more
Than you even know
Than you may ever know
Than I ever thought I would

This feeling of love
Is flaming
It’s burning me up

But now we both know
That we love each other
So please tell me
Why are you still running?

I want to lead my life not let
Other people lead it for me
I don’t need the help or push from
My parents. Just the thought that I can do it
But when you tell me, dad, that I can’t do it
It wears me down, wears me out
And chips away pieces of my dream
I’m not going to be a doctor or some great
Life changing hero. I want to control my life
I hold the reins
I will guide myself
I want to follow my heart
But what if
You have broken it so much
And it shattered in a trillion pieces?
Which piece do I follow, then?
And be careful not to get to close
Because I will disappoint you
You will get cut
On one of my broken pieces