I want to lead my life not let
Other people lead it for me
I don’t need the help or push from
My parents. Just the thought that I can do it
But when you tell me, dad, that I can’t do it
It wears me down, wears me out
And chips away pieces of my dream
I’m not going to be a doctor or some great
Life changing hero. I want to control my life
I hold the reins
I will guide myself
I want to follow my heart
But what if
You have broken it so much
And it shattered in a trillion pieces?
Which piece do I follow, then?
And be careful not to get to close
Because I will disappoint you
You will get cut
On one of my broken pieces

I know you have her
But the poetry I write for you
Never ceases
I put my heart and soul into
These feelings I write down
On paper
For you

The poetry I write for you keeps me breathing
And if it’s not seen
I don’t mind
Because it’s not for them
It’s for you

We used to be so happy
But now you have another
Who will never love you the way
I used to love you
But my question for you is
Could you love her in the way you did towards me?

There it was
Swaying in the field
Calling to me

I saw it and
It was beautiful
Though no one saw the beauty
Through my eyes

So I picked it
Because no one else would
But then
Death took over

It started to wilt
From the inside out
No one saw at first
But then everyone did

It started to lose its color
Its charm
Drop its leaves

Soon
There was nothing left to take
From it

There was no color
No charm
And no leaves

They finally started to notice
How beautiful
It really was

In the end
Everyone remembered
Her beauty

The raindrops
They fall
They pour
Heavily
With cold winds
The raindrops come down
Faster and faster

The raindrops rush
Through the streets
And roll down my face
And hit the wood floors
With an audible thud

“How are you,” they ask
Broken, alone, useless, unloved
Confused, betrayed, fragile

“I’m Fine”

I take on people’s problems, but never my own
Because then i become:
Selfish, self absorbed, obsessed, egotistical
How do you think I feel?

I got quieter
Nights endless
Blades bigger
Sleeves longer
Meals smaller
Music crashing
No one even noticed

Every day I was tormented
I had fallen into a trapdoor of depression

My spirits sank

My life was a phone battery
Every time I was used up
People left me to sit in the dark
Just until they felt the need
To use me again

My friends called me their dandelion
They said they could make a wish
And I would make it come true
And then someone finally told me
That dandelions were just weeds

Weeds are useless, unwanted
Just how I was
No place among the beautiful flowers

All it takes is some kind of elephantine smile
To hide an injured soul
And they never know

How broken you really are

Depression is the incapability
To develop a future

People think depression is
Darkness, crying, misery
Depression is the consistent feeling
Of being numb

I was tired of crying, tired of yelling, tired of being...
me
Trying to get people to understand, and being alone
Being angry, feeling crazy...
Being different and feeling lost
Feeling lost inside, most of all
I was tired of being tired

I wanted to be… okay
But there was something
Inside screaming
“You don’t deserve it”

I was done
Done with being used, being detached, and most of all
Being left in the dark…

...alone...
Abandoned?
By All I loved?
What a pity

Then one day
I realised
No
I am worth something
To somebody somewhere
I do not accept this
And I refuse to give up


I am strong because I know my weaknesses
I am beautiful because I am aware of my flaws
I am wise because I learn from my mistakes
I can love because I have felt hate and
I can laugh because I have felt sadness

It’s all about finding the calm in chaos
I wake up every morning
To the demons I left the night before
I fight them every minute of the day
And that…
Makes me stronger than anyone
I’ve ever known

Mother,

Please forgive me
For the person that I have become
Is not someone to be proud of
But your absence
Is a kind of torture
That I never tasted
And I can’t swallow
It chews me alive
Everyday.

Her mind is a wonderland of endless thoughts
Her worst enemies are not humans
Not any creatures
But they’re
Stress,
Anxiety,
Pressure,
Depression,
and Failure.