You say you want in
But I don't think you do
You don't know
What you're getting yourself into

You don't deserve my mess
Draped all over you

I just want
To kiss that
Scar
On your lip

But
I won't
I shouldn't
I can't

She sits at the window sill
Staring out at the night

Counting
Scars

Music that will turn you
Into a slobbering, broken, beautiful mess
While your arms lie stretched over the keys
Shaking, shivering uncontrollably
And your throat is tied tight, restricted

That is my favorite kind

The beat
It lives inside of me
It thrives inside of me
It moves and breathes
And throbs
Underneath my skin

When I set it free
This wild beat
When I let it go
This ravenous beat

It can't be stopped
I can't be stopped

I think it's about time
Yes
It's time to release this beat

My fingers gently cradle my wooden weapons of art
And nothing
No one
Stands in my way
With a satisfying thud of the bass
I begin

Soon,
I am lost
Floating
Falling
Screaming
Burning
But it's good
I am on fire
And it feels good
My world is spinning
The lights flicker
My vision blurs
But somehow, my limbs find their way
They know their way
In and among this chaos
The beat crashes down on top of me
Shattering over my head
The splinters of this beat
They fly
And stick
All over my body
Embedded beneath my nails
Stuck in my side
This beat
It is growing
In size
In strength
In intensity
It cannot be contained
It splashes up
Splattering my arms
Licking my legs
Sliding down my chest

And
Suddenly
It's all

Okay

You were right
Last night, I was close

But when I asked
You said
Of course
Like it was a definite thing
Like it was something I could count on
Not just then
But always

You were there

You didn't let go
You wouldn't let go
And in that moment
That was what I needed
The most

I can't stand that I feel this way
I absolutely hate it
These feelings
These stupid, selfish feelings
This jealousy
This stupid, selfish jealousy
And I hate that I hate it
Because
I have no excuse
No reason
To be down on myself
No reason
For this boiling hatred
All around me I see God
Working through people
Attempting to touch me
But it's like I'm wearing a shield
And no one can get in
They are knocking, shaking, reaching
To break through
But their path has been blocked
They have tried to shatter this shield from a multitude of angles
But I have stood my ground
Strong and stubborn
Now though
They're ready to give up
And it's all my fault

I am living in this
Vicious, never-ending,
*******
Circle
Of self hate
And I hate it

But I can't seem to find a way to escape