With all that I am,
Thank you.
Thank you for caring

I wish I could fully show you
Just how much it means

I have always appreciated clothes
To me,
They mean protection
They cover me
They keep me safe
They provide a layer,
A barrier
Between me and you

But here I am
Standing in front of you
Naked
Every inch of my body
Every piece of my soul
Bared for you to see
Open, willing to be examined
Exposed
Naked
So naked

But

It's not even weird
It's not even awkward
You still look at me
You still treat me
The same
Everything has changed
But yet, nothing has changed

And that is incredibly unnerving

I am standing here
Naked
So naked
But safe
Yes, so safe
I am standing here naked
But it is this safety,

This safety is the part that terrifies me

We struggle with the Earth.
Everyday,
We struggle
Against the Earth
Until eventually,
It wins
It swallows us up
Despite our most valiant endeavors,
It eats us.
Even if we give our very best effort,
It takes us.
In the end,
No matter what we do
The Earth still prevails
The Earth will prevail

Which is why
Sometimes
I wonder
Why?
Why do we even
Try?
Why do we spend so much time,
Invest so much energy,
Into trying
Into struggling
Against a beast of an opponent,
A beast
We know
We can't beat
Why struggle
If
We know
We are fighting
A losing battle
If
We know
The only outcome
Holds no victory for us

For only time lies between me
And the meal of this terrible beast,
When his gnashing teeth will come
And devour me
And I will become
Just another
Nameless, faceless, helpless
Victim
Of the Earth
So what are we waiting for?
Why drag it out?
Why struggle?

I don't get it

It just doesn't seem
Worth it

Please
Please give me a reason
Tell me
Why
Why it's worth it

Worship to me is to be set free
Fully liberated
Completely cleansed
From things in my life that
Hurt me
Anger me
Distract me
Worship to me is to get on my knees and praise my God
My God who is above all things
Worship to me is not just singing,
Not just banging on keys or drums
But to honestly accept that He is my King
To believe with every fiber of my being
That He has overcame and through Him,
So can I
Worship sheds a brilliant light into my darkest corners
Worship to me is knowing,
Knowing with all my heart that I will be alright
Worship to me is receiving his grace
Worship to me is not something you do in one place or at one time
No,
Worship to me is a lifestyle
Worship to me is giving up my will and letting his be done
Worship to me is honoring his Son
Worship to me is a reminder to the devil
That no matter how hard he tries
There's no way he will ever get on my level

I have begun to free myself from the bottle
I no longer spend my time
Toiling away
Exhausting myself at the hands of this painstaking process
Of pushing my soul through the neck
And then shoving a cork in after it
So that nothing can possibly seep through

Yes,
I'm done with that.
I'm tired of that.

But underlying the bubbling explosion of my sentiments
Sits the apprehension
Silently nudging me,
Telling me
That I should stop,
I should stop shaking the bottle
That I should have never spent so much energy,
I never should have looked
So hard
For the corkscrew

When the bubbles finish rising
Out of this inadequate container,
What is left, will be less
Much less

And I'm not sure
If that is any better

You know that feeling?
When you are running down a steep hill
And then,
All of the sudden
The air just kind of
Catches you
Your legs give out underneath you
Your arms flail,
Striking the sky in every direction
This feeling?
That's what it feels like when you lose control
Gravity grabs a hold of you
The only things left in your existence
Are the air and the momentum
In this moment,
You have no choice but to tumble
Head over heels you go
And there's nothing
Not a single thing
You can do about it

Technically,
You stole my virginity
But I still haven't had ***

What you did to me,
That wasn't ***.
That was
Violent,
Intoxicated,
Hard,
Rough,
Fast,
Dry,
*****
*******.
You ****** me.
Without my permission,
You ****** me.

*** is
Passionate,
Heated,
Intimate,
Exhilarating,
Pleasure,
Touching­,
Experiencing,
Loving

*** is intentional
*** is consensual

*** is a beautiful thing
Designed by God
To bring us together
To bring us fullness
To bring us completeness

*** is
Everything
You didn't do to me