My worst?
My low?
My bottom?
Go back a few years,
You will find a fourteen-year-old girl
She looks like she has everything.
Incredibly gifted by God
Athletic, musical, lots of friends
An awesome family, a loving family
She gets A’s
She makes the Varsity team
She goes to church every Sunday
She seems happy
She smiles
She laughs
But these are empty smiles
This laughter is empty laughter
She is an actress
A good actress
She plays her role
With grace
With perfection
But when she climbs into bed at night
She slips under her sheets
And everything but satisfaction meets her where she lies
Her mind is bombarded
Her thoughts are stuck on repeat
Playing the same suicide song over and over
Again.
And again.
And again.
The thoughts come.
Unwanted,
They come.
Hard and fast,
They come.
She fights it.
She fights hard.
But they eat at her.
They gnaw at her insides,
And they won’t give up.
So she goes to find her release
She silently makes her way to the bathroom
And slowly, carefully
She begins
The blade hits her pale skin
And the pain,
Oh, the sweet, sweet pain
It erupts.
It explodes.
It envelops her in a blanket of protection
For the moment,
She is safe.
She is free from the thoughts
This pain has freed her
And satisfaction is what she feels
A satisfaction she feels from nothing else
This satisfaction,
It feels so **** good
So **** right
She desperately desires more
So she digs
Deeper
Harder
One more
Slice
And the pain,
It pours from her thin, shaking body
But the satisfaction,
It is just as great
And this is what she longs for,
This satisfaction
This sick,
This twisted,
Satisfaction
She is done now
Methodically she cleans up the blood
The remains of a self-massacre
The remains of her bath in blades
Suddenly,
There is a boy.
Standing in the doorway,
There is a boy
Her brother
His eyes catch hers
He knows
He speaks no words
Neither does she
But he comes
He sits behind her,
Around her
And his arms,
They wrap around her
They hold her
And then she cries
Not just tears,
But sobs,
Sobs that rob her of her sight,
Sobs that take control of her body,
But he is there.
Holding her,
Loving her,
Telling her that she is worth it,
Saving her life.