and the country she still grows;
vertical, nocturnal,
imprints of the west, traditions in the east
her shores kissing the south china sea.

dad would return smelling of nicotine and smoke,
the streets a permanent stain in his sandpaper skin.
i have been taught to sing in place of speaking;
spouting symphonies, instead of plain words.

in summer the water and ocean calls
chlorine and salt seeping into every pore;
i watched sunlight penetrate the depths,
shimmering; tried to bathe in the warmth i saw.

in winter, mom named us dragons
breathing ice in place of fire; cloud breaths, frosted glass.
rainbows formed our skyline, the buildings iridescent
in those days, santa still waved from the windows.

first drink at four and coffee from seven
we ran and still run -
red lights for the sake of races.
the law was a sewing my father calmly weaved through
tradition, he called it. i grew up in the town he did too.

i am a child of the harbour and sea
the wind in my hair, hands in the breeze
family and city unorthodox, belonging;
the pulse of my heart.

(A.H.Z)

inhale,
they blur
the cacophonies
bells chiming, creaking doors
the whir of machines
coffee, tea, voices, voices

exhale,
i am a clock in motion
ink-stained hands
the pen glides, stops
eyes closed and
time holds; lets go

life,
i'd write of the moments
where all seemed eternal
but these pauses
make us
human.

(A.H.Z)

we were a whirlwind,
and everyone knew -
i was pale skin, cold bones
to your trembling frame;
teary eyed and warm,
they used to warn me of you
but i sang your praises anyway.

"breathe," you say
and i do, i do, i did
inhale every spark of you
exhaled my own dark,
they used to warn me of you
but i sang your praises anyway.

oh, how i should have listened.

(A.H.Z)

there are thirteen days left till
the ocean splits us apart
and time swallows our distances,
seconds to minutes to hours
the miles are not as far as our hearts

i would murmur over the sea
of how our losses are bittersweet;
that losing you and letting go wasn't as
hard as i thought it would be -

but sometimes i still miss you
in the spaces between our fingers,
your song has escaped my memory
now that all thoughts run from
instead of to you; stranger
things have happened still

yet i have learnt to accept loss
watch love walk away -
you have and will not stay,
but this time
i will be okay.

(A.H.Z)

I loved you,
it wasn't enough.


(A.H.Z)

i want to write to you,
from you and of you
how in every freckle, dimple
inch of star bright skin
you shine, radiate glitter
gravity holds no pull

i tell people i have met the sun
but they only laugh in return
for it is known that the moon dies
so the sun may rise

yet despite the fear
and the end so near
i will follow you
infinitely, entwined
our orbit.

(A.H.Z)

there was the morning you found me, among weary eyes and tired souls. your enthusiasm was infectious, dangerous even, and through you i was almost convinced to love the hours of the morning. i remember because this was how we began, innocent, young and carefree.

there was the afternoon you arranged to meet with me, the grin on your face unmistakable as i stepped out of the hall into the windy corridor. your hair was golden brown in the sunlight, but your eyes outshone even the sun. i remember because that was the day you promised me the world, and i believed you.

there was the evening you coaxed me into running with you, passing grass and rocky paths till both our feet were sore. you sang and i laughed, and somehow through the exhaustion we managed to dance our way into each other's hearts. i remember because to me, it was everything.

there was the night you took me in your arms and told me it'd be okay. your warmth was enough to melt the ice around my heart and even though we were crying, you managed to smile through the tears. i remember because that was the moment i knew that as long as i was with you, i was home.

-

far off, you stand in the rain, head tilted up and a smile on your face; raindrops running races past your eyelids, your cheekbones, eventually falling off your chin. you look calm and at peace, but a glance that meets my eyes tell me otherwise, of feelings unspoken and words unsaid.

"do you miss him?"
a friend asks at my side, quiet and concerned.

i smile in response, hands trembling.
"i have never wanted so badly to be the rain."

(A.H.Z)