My heart bleeds darkness

It leaks and oozes the memories I don’t let myself remember

It aches with the sound of my inner child sobbing

Screaming and throwing fits to be let out

My heart bleeds the sadness that I hold inside

It trickles through sometimes

That’s when you see me cry

My heart aches with all my untold troubles

The ones behind the things I pretend to let bother me

The little things that I don’t really care about I just pretend to show emotion so that no one will know that I’m really a robot

With screws and metal bits instead of blood and viens

I don’t care about anything anymore beyond getting through

I can climb the mountain just fine as long as everyone leaves me alone

I’ll catch a ride on the wings of my depression

It will glide me effortlessly back down to the valley of blame and guilt and remorse and I’ll stay there

I’ll wallow there in the lush grass of melancholy

I’ll roll around with the dripping words of the ones who want me to stay

They whisper my defeat from the tops of the hills and yet I can hear them

Their words settle and sink into my very soul until I can no longer even muster the energy walk to the water to drink

I cannot sustain my own life

My lonliness is what ruins the rest of me

The last thing I want to give up

My solitude

It’s what will **** me in the end

Dragging me down into the cave at the bottom of the valley I will lie in the fetal position until I starve to death

Lack of human interaction

Lack of human affirmation

I will never survive alone

As much as that sounds like a negative thing to me

I suppose it’s really not

I can bring light into other people’s lives

As long as someone is bringing light into mine

It’s a chain reaction

Love me

I’ll love everyone else for you

Cherish me

And I can make the world shine brighter than the sun

When people are far away, it doesn’t mean we stop loving them.

But it’s a different sort of love.

An ache in your heart, and in your thoughts, when they come up in conversation.

A small lump in your throat when you think about how long it’s been since you’ve seen them, or hugged them, or even gotten a text from them.

It’s that single tear you shed when you get a meaningful voicemail after you missed their 4th call in two days because of timezones or work schedules or weird sleeping patterns you hadn’t even realized you’d developed since the last time you were a part of their lives.

It’s forgetting what they, specifically, look like but still remembering how they smell. And how their hand feels in yours.

Just because they aren’t near you, or living life with you day to day anymore, doesn’t mean you can’t love them just as much.

It’s possible that you love them even more. Their everyday mistakes aren’t around to remind you that they aren’t perfect. Their little slip ups won’t unconsciously disappoint you, nor will their poorly timed jokes and indiscreet innuendos make you feel uncomfortable in the presence of others.

Instead you have all of your memories together that are worth keeping around.

And the solid truth that you do so want to see your loved one again.

I wish I had actual pictures of our greatest hits

Driving down country roads in the dark

Snuggled up against you on the bench seat of your truck

Walking around Boardwalk, holding hands and telling *** stories

Cuddled up in a hammock to watch the fireworks

Star gazing near the old paint ball place

Embracing each other whilst perched atop your tool box

Countless movies that we’ve seen together, my head rested against your shoulder or chest

Your arms around me

You make me feel safe

You make me feel secure

You are the only one who I believe