Just like a moth drawn to an open flame, I can’t help but be attracted to the things I know that will hurt me most. Withered, severed my connection to all things impractical. The things that once set my soul ablaze no longer produce that; oh so familiar spark. Fulfilled tendencies to dance with the devil, Just a roll of the dice to see tomorrow. The hollow filled with sorrow, find me at peace with outlandish dreams. I greet the day with a grinding of teeth, headaches bleed through my thoughts as ink seeps though paper. I’ve grown so fond of the night, I swear I can hear the moon weep for tomorrow.

Who am I?

Maybe that’s the million dollar question.
Are you your reflection?
Are you that voice in your head that you hear when you read?
Perhaps you’re your heartbeat.
As you walk in the street, if you think of it; everyone’s seeking a sense of self and that voice is having a million thoughts a day.
Everyone’s having a complex human experience that sculpts their reality.
Maybe we’re all just one being, experiencing billions of lives simultaneously as an experiment.
Who knows?
Maybe we’re just an evolutionary accident; as in the universes lifespan, humanity’s existence is but a blink of an eye in the sense of time.
Now... let me ask, who are you?

Day dreaming
Night living
Have you ever stopped and reflected?

Is there really any meaning to the day to day activities of life as a whole?
In my mind, nothing makes sense.
Ive come to the conclusion that life in itself is predetermined therefore the same choice is inevitable.
Every choice I’ve made has led me to this point in time.
It only seems to make sense when I’m asleep, life seems to be the real illusion.
What if death is the true release?
I guess, I’ll have to wait and see.

I remember ecstasy,
She felt and tasted like you.
So bitter but I swear I’ve never felt so high.
I wanted to stay in that moment forever.
You’re truly the embodiment of happiness.
I don’t think I’ll ever feel that way again.
& I don’t want to.
Love will be the death of me still.
It’s the worst, most beautiful feeling I’ve ever experienced.
I can’t trust my intuition when I’m on the drug, love.
Intoxicating, addictive, I hate that I need it.  
I’ve convinced myself that I don’t.

I don’t need it.

I woke up this morning, with the thought of driving. The song hate me today by blue October blaring over my thoughts.
Maybe I should drive so ******* far away that I never cross your mind.
I don’t want anyone to worry, what will I find?
When I leave and never come back, I hope I’ll be left alone.
Don’t worry, you’ll hear my words and apologies from a payphone.

Don’t you fall for me, my darling,
I swear we’ve been here before.
Sweater weather in summer, sunset so sweet.
I’m glad I’ve found you along the way, I don’t know where I’d be.
My soul aches for you when you’re away, for fear I’m stuck in a maze. Setting my soul ablaze.
When our hands intertwine and we lock lips, I couldn’t imagine being anywhere else but here.
See?
This is all just the illusion of living life so lavishly, glamorizing my dark twisted fantasy. I love it, but this **** don’t even really matter to me.

I feel like I’ve seen it all.
The rise and fall.
Ive never meant to make it past 19,
Felt love, hate and betrayal, thanks to the fates.
This is a cruel world, and I’ve known it since the beginning.
A black sheep never knowing what I was missing.
Forgive me for the pain that I’ve caused, but I don’t think I can feel these things anymore.

Who am I to judge the creators,
creations.
Or why he makes them, breathes life into the dirt, gives lust to the sand.
Gave me life, I’ll be high until I land.
I don’t care, I love the poison.
Feed me until I’m empty... am I ever empty?
I apologize, I’m hurt. I don’t know how to heal..
all I know is lust and the minute appeal..
take me away.. I don’t want to do this anymore. I talk to you through writing cause I can’t do this anymore.
My heart and soul hurts, I drown them; so I don’t have to feel those around me.
I absorb their sadness, I can still feel it when I walk.... everyone that’s confided in me has let.. be who can I talk.
I love it, pain is my lover. She has me on a leash. Let me drown so I can speak.
My shoulders are heavy..

I don’t care, I’ll take your pain with me when I go. Just don’t leave me before then.

I’ve been isolating,
I feel it’s good for the soul.
No one needs to know,
I’m always here for you.
Ill take your pain and store it inside.
All your pain and worries, you can confide.
Let me take the burden, I can feel your pain, worries, anger; It hurts so much.
It’s heavy I may fall, but whatever;
I’d take it all.. just never hurt me, cause you know I never could. It’s beautiful how life is so heavenly, 22 but yet it’s so heavy.
I’ll be there for you until my bones turn to dust, I shouldn’t have to say how betrayal hurts so much.
I need to isolate.

The suns still asleep, as I lay awake.
My company is the lonely moon, so lovely her face.
Melancholy, I wonder why she’s so sad.
Can I make you smile?
Let me wipe the tears from your face and enjoy your company.
We can sit in silence and let our eyes spill our secrets.
Tell me your fears, dreams and wishes.
Maybe then you won’t be so sad.
Shine for me my love.

My girl.
She doesn’t do love,
She loves me when I’m ****** up.
She taps me on the shoulder,
She told me, I hate it when you’re sober.

Whispering in my ear.
Let’s just get together one last time for old times sake.
I kiss her, taste her; knowing it may be my last mistake.
She drives me wild, even if it may **** me one day.
She comes and goes as she pleases.
I use to hate having her away.

Dull my senses, slurred speech. I’m the cadaver, she’s a leech.
I swore I couldn’t live without her.
I hope I don’t drown and find myself in her wild embrace.
Teach me how to love myself so I don’t give in to her beautiful face.

My girl, she loves me when I’m weak.

Roses are red; roses rose from the dead.
Taking all my energy to fight this feeling and get up out of bed. What do I do when I have all these unanswered questions, questioning words not said.
Blessed to the point of kneeling, over thoughts that bled. Crushed up girls, bewilderment, outrageous point unfurled.
Poetic essence between straight lines in a world that twirls. It’s a cold world, but the dust with enough pressure and friction can turn to a pearl. A heart that still beating, the need to breathe, the dream I keep on chasing. Now I’m pacing, completely spacing out.
Bittersweet memories are all I’m tasting now..

In the end.. we’re all alone.
Drunk off the belief that love and only love can heal us. A peace of mind is something that can’t be bought. Tell me what it takes for a person to learn the meaning of life.
Cause life’s..
But a breeze in the grass,
Life’s a single breath taken away far too soon.
Life’s but a raindrop ending as it hits the ground.
I’ve learned to appreciate what I have and what I have yet to gain. I’ve forgiven and forgot, as hard as it is. Loved and hurt, with all my heart.
I’ve found you can’t hide from the pain life brings, only numb it temporarily as it will come back twice as hard like a wave.
Untill you face it.
Life’s but a grain of sand in an hourglass, gone before we know.

End my sorrow, burn my pride.
Extinguish my ego, bury me alive

I'll ride the waves to my demise, floating downstream riding with the tides.

Withering leaves crunch underfoot,
The sound resonating through the woods

Let the fire cleanse my soul, the elements of life burning away all sense of fragility.

Whispers, whispers.. "l'appel dù vide"

My mind is everywhere
Sleep is my medicine
Laughing at nothing
For the sake of life

My mind is nowhere
Sleep is my poison
Laughing at everything
For the sake of death.

Envious creatures staring up to the sky in wonder and amazement.
To the destruction of their home
Falling, falling from the heavens.
To the unknown.

Let me be the breath from your lungs
So I can take your breath away

Let me be the antagonist in your fable
So I can show you pain

Let me be the hand that caresses your hair
So I can show you love

Let me be the embers in your smouldering flames
So I can keep you warm

You are the whiskey in my glass, the cigarette in my mouth;
The winter blues in my heart
And the hurt in my soul.

Let me be...

A cold cup of coffee on a sunday afternoon,
all I crave is a little bit of heaven.
I can feel the whiskey in my soul,
still reeling from the night before.
I fear that if I lose my balance,
my will may not have the strength to get up once more.

Staring out the window, waiting for another day to pass me by, couldn't help by sigh with relief as I caught a glimpse of the sunset on the west.
Knowing it was about to be nightfall, I knew it was another night to lie awake and ponder of what has, and has yet to come. Or just simply be
I can hear the birds chirping though I haven't had a minutes rest. Nevertheless, I get up to make my coffee to watch the sun rise breathing in the light aroma of the dark roasted brew.
Gathering my thoughts on what's to come, I realize how beautiful the morning dew looks on the grass. Gleaming as if they were the stars on a clear night.
I started to feel a change in the air as if the boulder on my shoulder was suddenly lifted. The world didn't seem so bleak and miserable.
Hail to thee, my soul felt rejuvenated as I realize how lost I was in my own conciousness. Drowning in self pity, my mindset was the key to my heart shaped box. The hole in my chest was filled

That was the day my heart came home,
Until the next journey...

Enjoy the little things in life.
The smell of a rose, the petrichor of the earth after a rainfall.
The sunset & sunrise, it seems everyone forgets this life is but a breeze in the grass.
Of times to come & times to pass.

Beautiful isn't it? How fragile life can be.
I can be gone in an instant, the clock will tick.. tick on
Don't be discouraged by all that life brings.
Like the bad, there will always be good.
Just as it should.

I can't seem to sleep
Seep into a dreamless deep
Beyond the mind, oh so sweet.
Melancholy 

Remind me what it's like.
Diamonds cracked like puzzle pieces
In spite.
The aching feet, clammy hands in the fear of heights.
Jumping into the arms of folly

In all honesty my minds scrambled.
I let it run in no particular direction
Beautiful bittersweet imperfection. 
Just poetical footnotes to add to my collection.

Lust, attraction.. attachment.
I'm at the mercy of biochemistry.
Cupid with his arrow, shot my soul.
In a ridiculous fashion.

It makes no sense.. is it supposed to?
Flushes cheeks, my hearts racing.. hands are clammy.
Never met a soul I was close to.

The dopamine, could be the nicotine.
I'm blinded.. such a beautiful face
The adrenalin & serotonin coursing through my veins.
I find I'm tempted, temporarily insane.

Cupids star struck victim.
Vasopressin & oxytocin in my nervous system.
Tell me are these the drugs for long term commitment?

I just had to laugh.. in my experience, good things never last.
Like the ocean, my love for you was vast.
I guess cupid missed his shot
The time has come, your love went past.

Like*******, I'm sure there's a better way.
It was all just chemicals anyway..

My life in words, how do I explain all the feelings that show up so suddenly. One moment I'm happy, the next all I see is a bleak short future where I'm alone. It feels as if I'm meant to be alone, in all honesty it hurts .. I don't know what hurts, maybe it's just a word. Maybe this life is just a life, nothing more. I can go from feeling the euphoria of optimism for the future.. Then I close my eyes; when I open them I see nothing more than an early demise.
Who can I talk to besides myself? Maybe that's the question, but what little pride I have left doesn't allow me to connect to another being. I'm just a spark, like all else will one day return to the dust from once I came. Lay with me beneath the stars and don't say a word.. For that's all I want. Me, myself and I.. In longing for the sky. Just a dream, it's all just a dream.

It is as it seems to my delight.
a feeling that doesnt feel so right.
withholding tendencies of a care not in sight.
I fear this life isnt worth the fight.

Flipping throught the pages of my memory,
if i were gone how would they remember me?
simpistic reverie, tragic treachery.
sleep to rejuvinate unfullilling energy.
thoughts on a crashing trajectory maybe, were all apart of distorted mirrors
Protected by a shimmering castle of glass

A long time ago, I was taught to believe; as ive come to understand not everything you hear is true.
As I lay awake at night pondering over what is, and what might be. Im bought back to the simple fact that not everyone knows what you're going though
Be as it is, when the last ray of sunlight hits the choppy water on a cold September day. Ill be happy as soon as the day, disappears from view and I have nothing but the darkness to keep me company.
Invisible, but for all to see. Silent, but for all to hear; exhausted as I stare into the infinate void of nothing. Do you see?

I am what I am, I speak what I speak.
I'm not what you hear, or what you see.
I am nothing, but everything at once.
When you understand we are all cut from the same cloth you will see. A reflection of yourself for all to be.

My soul sees yours, clear as day
singing softly but as quiet as night.
a candle burning in the windowsill flickers,
as I come to the realization that no matter what I do,
i'll never meet another soul like you.
I see you,
I can't help but wonder if my eyes decieve me.
I would exhale my last breath just to fan the flames of our brief existence.
The memories just wont fade away;
sometimes I wonder if I hadn't met a soul like yours, would I be as insightful?
or blind to the fact that I'm no longer whole.
Somewhere along the way I got lost in the echo.
Just telltale sign of what might have been, a ghost left for all to see.

Treacherous skies, she calls in the distance..
as ive come to understand, my wings;
shiver as she whispers..
is it my name? or is she telling me something different.
Oh, how i crave the wind in my face;
sweet sorrow, retaliating with its last embrace.
Just for a moment.. melancholy's her name.
With the most beautiful voice; soft like rose petals; calmly floating down stream.
If I were to decide today's the day i trust in my wings..
I wonder if i should ever see the world the same.
Jump! i hear another  voice..
claim the skies as if it were a gift; slowly but surely i feel the soft glow of sunlight.
soft and subtle.
melancholy seeps from view..
as if in a dream; my wings take flight.

Captured features of a dangerous creature named love; claims to be heavenly, the sudden sweet melody/
it burns hotter than fire, keeps you awake at night so all day you're left tired; exhaustion sets in as it takes control of our breath and presses play./
be careful as it takes it to the extreme, conceal and conceive every daydream; reveals defeat, an elite routine breaking the beams of the highest built barriers/
i don't know what can be scarier, keeping sanity forever or reliance on another soul; a casual casualty disguised as a masterpiece, a skillfully hidden tragedy/
no flaws in the strategy, the audacity for the ego to stare back from the vanity, must be royalty; hidden from her majesty/
a calamity hastily crafted from fantasy; going against my nature a heart in catastrophe. Hateful happy analogy practically a mortality/
nothing promises compatibility, temporarily the center of gravity. not a false start, proof for the fact its lost art/
understandably i found it myself lost in a spiral galaxy. naturally searching for relief; tie a rope and release/
taken to extremes are just what i perceive, bittersweet agony is all that i can see..

Hell on earth isn't so bad, I've been through the dust of the past settling upon the horizon;
I've seen the end of hopelessness, witnessed my wildest fantasy's crumble like the autumn
leaves on a tree.
but i endure, off of 2 hours of rest; my body runs on prayers..
fueled by water, with no words to make the days feel softer..
the time has come where i must commit to myself or be tossed down stream by the
vengeful currents of life.
I've tried, and i'm still trying to search for something greater than nothing.
The horrible suspense is enough to drive tame people insane;
but i endure, as my soul is different.. intertwined by the tragedies of 100 years of oppression..
isolation is my only friend now. It grips my thoughts faster than I can release them.
but I let it, in hopes one day things will have a better outcome.
but whatever dreams may come.